Blithe Bereavement - CH 1

12 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 35
Meet Ebony:
In which we meet Ebony Blithe,
Town Freak and awkwardly normal girl,
and learn of her life before she died.





“Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.”
-Unknown







Ebony Blithe was a girl who could one day confidently say that her Death was a hell of a lot

more interesting than her Life. She was not the most popular girl, nor even the least popular (that

would be Bernie Nose-Picker and Designated-Pervert). Some of her hobby’s included reading and

graveyard touring. She had no special talents, unless you counted invisibility a talent. Ebony was very

good at appearing invisible. In retrospect, this could probably be considered her undoing.

Ebony died on a Tuesday. This suited our heroine quite well, as Tuesday was her least

favorite day of the week. Nothing ever happened on Tuesdays. Mondays could be spent cursing

Mondays, Wednesdays were the days she worked at the local book store; Thursday was a day away

from Friday, and Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays could all be spent doing whatever she liked. Yes,

Tuesdays were certainly the unsightly blemish on an otherwise unflawed week.

This particular Tuesday, Ebony had off school due to some teacher’s conference. She woke

earlier than usual, jolted awake from a dream she couldn’t remember. The slender girl was shaking

like a leaf, sweat trickling down the small of her back, her breath coming in ragged gasps. Slipping her

legs out from under the heavy comforter, she drifted down the creaking stairs into her small bathroom,

where she promptly threw up.

“Ugh,” Ebony grunted, using a wad of toilet paper to dab at her mouth. Stomach acid stung

the back of her throat, and her eyes watered. Her small bathroom swam in front of her face, the sickly

green color that it was painted not doing much to help her condition. Using a shaking hand to steady

herself on the sink, she rose to her feet.

“Where did that come from?” she thought to herself, still unable to recall the dream, and

not completely sure she wanted too.

Confident that sleep was now a distant desire, Ebony began brushing her teeth, the putrid

taste in her mouth being replaced by a hearty mint. Leaning over and spitting, Ebony raised her eyes

to look at herself carefully in her mirror. A pair of large green eyes stared back at her, confusion

reflected in their vivid depths. Her inky black hair was matted and damp with sweat, though it still lay

flat on her head, a fact that never changed no matter how much mousse or hairspray she subjected it

to. A color that may be compared to the tusks of a prehistoric creature, her skin was even more pale

then usual, though not by much. Ebony sighed and rubbed her eyes, before turning to wrestle with the

shower.

“Are you going to be warm today?” she asked aloud, questioning the falty water heater that

made the pipes shake like they were doing the mambo. She stuck her fingers under the rush of water,

a murmur of pleasure escaping her lips as she felt the water heat up. Today was going to be a good

day.

§ § § § §

Mrs. and Mr. Blithe were both gone by the time Ebony entered the kitchen. A note was left

on the kitchen table, scribbled out on a paper plate. It reminded Ebony that Finch would need to be

picked up from piano class at noon-thirty, and to pick up some cereal on the way home from school.

Most folks in town could agree, Ebony’s parents were not the most intelligent people. Her

father works at a nearby factory, putting the stickers on gallons of milk. Her mother is a clerk at a local

knickknack shop, which only really flourished during tourist season. Neither of them had gone to

collage and they both were convinced that pickles grew on trees. Not to say Ebony didn’t love them.

No, Ebony cared for her parents very much. However, she could get a little exasperated with their antics

at times.
“Mother and Father have left, it would appear.” Ebony turned to see her little brother, Finch,

standing in the kitchen door way. The eight year old resembled Ebony very much, from his midnight

locks to his milky complexion and glistening catlike eyes. A pair of wire rimmed glasses lay perched on

his petite nose however, and his mouth was turned into a stiff frown.

“Yeah,” Ebony said simply, a little uncomfortable with her younger brother.

“ ‘Yeah’ is improper grammer and degrading slang. The proper conjunction would be -”

Finch drifted to a halt when he caught Ebony’s glare. She did not appreciate having a child prodigy for

a younger brother. Ebony raised her eyes to the heavens, pondering, not for the first time, how two

people as dull as Mr. and Mrs. Blithe produced a boy like Finch. Again, she did not have anything

personal against her younger brother. More the fact that he was special and she was not. A sliver of

guilt wormed it’s way inside her, and she resigned to making Finch his favorite breakfast as an

apology.
Once the Egg and Tomato sandwhiches were toasted and served, the atmosphear became

uncomfortable. Besides their looks, Ebony and Finch had little in common. When Finch was born, He

was deemed “the best thing that ever happened to the Blithe family”. He was “special”, an “oracle”,

a “child prodigy”. It was pretty simple what happened. Super baby moved in. Normal girl moved out.

More accurately, up to the attic, which was fine by Ebony. Finch was special, so he got the biggest room.

The best toys. The largest birthday parties. Eventually, Ebony’s birthday stopped being celebrated.

Slowly but surely, she was became “The Girl In The Attic” and Finch was became “Son Who Can Do No

Wrong”. Ebony swallowed down any feelings of bitter annoyance, realizing that it wasn’t Finch’s fault he

was ‘the favorite’. She stood, slipping her plate into the washing machine.

“Don’t forget you have Piano in an hour,” Ebony said. Finch nodded, taking his time with his

sandwich. Ebony ruffled his hair slightly as she passed him to exit out the front door. This was a feeble

attempt to be sisterly by Ebony’s part, one that invoked the rare instance in which the young boy might

roll his eyes. Finch promptly smoothed his locks back into place, and returned to his breakfast, which

he ate with ritual-like thoroughness.

It was a nice day out. Huge, puffy clouds resided in the sky, drifting over the sun and

keeping the temperature at a balmy but cool degree. Ebony biked steadily, grateful that there were no

large hills in between her and her destination. She traveled one handed, the other hand scrolling

through her Ipod. Glancing up at the road periodically, she rolled through the songs, singing softly

under her voice. Slipping the electronic into her pocket, she continued to bike through her small town

until, at last, the graveyard came into view.

Ebony drifted into the dismal place. Inside the dark iron gates, which always seemed to be

moist with condensation, rolling hills lay. They stretched as far as the eye could see, thrown lazily

about, as if placed in a hurry. The hills appeared to be covered in gray grass, peppered as it was with

gravestones and crosses. The whole graveyard seemed to hold it’s breath. Nothing moved over this

dispiriting land. No birds sung a song, nor flitted between the few giant oak trees that were smattered

across the hills. Despite the size of the town, the graveyard was quite large. In fact, the population of

the dead outnumbered the living. It stretched on for acres, going back to the very first settlers of

Eronwood. Ebony continued, hiking until she reached a grouping of headstones that looked unfamiliar.

She sat, smiling softly as the grass tickled her ankles, using her toes to pick off her shoes. A gentle

wind blew through the graveyard, whispering through as if greeting the girl. She could feel a change in

atmosphere, the air seeming to vibrate with energy. Ebony leaned back lazily, turning her head to view

the grave next to her.


Reaching out a finger, Ebony traced the letters on the nearest headstone. It seemed new-

no moss obscured the writing and it was not yet adorned with graffiti.

Here lays Mr. Ernie Mayne

Some could swear he was quite insane

Us, well we’re just glad he’s dead

After he “borrowed” his sister’s head.


Ebony jerked her fingers back, then laughed at her uneasyness. Surely it was just a joke.

Shifting to the side, she allowed her eyes to drift shut, leaning back to let the grass kiss her neck. She

opened up her mind, welcoming the laughter of the wind, the sighs of the mighty oaks, and the

whispers of the clover. Behind her eyelids, a symphony played. Her entire body opened up, its senses

becoming keener and beginning to elucidate. Ebony’s mind took off, taking the place of the missing

birds. In her imagination she rose, high above life. Higher and higher, escape so near…

Sitting up, Ebony froze. From her left, she could hear voices rising. She shuddered as Karen and

Tabby’s shrill giggles stood out among the others. Ebony rose, fumbling to pull on her shoes. She was

sure that she had hidden her bike. How had they found her here? Maybe if she was quiet…

“Well, Well, Well,” drawled a voice, sharp as a knife and much closer than the others, “Look

who it is.” A sharp pain sprung in the back of Ebony’s head as someone yanked her to her feet by her

hair. She bit back a yell, stumbling and slipping. Inverted fury rose in the pit of her stomach - how had

she not heard this person coming? Craning her neck back, she aimed a glare at the male swine who

clenched her locks in his hand. He was new to Karen’s posse, but Ebony had seen him at school. Kevin

Basson was his name. His hair was greasy, his eyes beady and pig like. The boy sneered as he spoke,

making it look like he had consumed something sour.

“Well if it isn’t the little Witch,” Karen smirked as she came into view, her flaming red hair

pulled into a high pony, gum snapping in her mouth. “We found your bike.” The smirk widened and

Ebony resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Ebony could think of about a dozen insults that were not half

as cliché as ‘witch’. If she was going to be bullied, the least the bullies could do was be more creative

with their verbal barbs. Blocking out Karen’s continuing monoloque, she snuck a peak at the boy who

still held her tight. His nose was misshapen, she noted casually.

Ebony could fix that.

She struck quickly, driving her elbow into the boy’s face. She felt a satisfying crunch as

blood spurted from the wound. An animal-like howl erupted from the boy, it’s oddness increased by the

plugged up interference the cascading blood caused. Ebony jerked from his hand and dashed through

the gang, leaping over Ernie Mayne’s headstone.

As Ebony continued to run, she remembered some advice she had once heard on a animal

documentery. The man who was speaking was a kind faced, grandfatherly type, and his words were

spoken warmly and slowly. Dr. Quicke, Ebony recalled randomly. He had reminded the audience, that if

you were ever face to face with a wild animal, not to turn and run, for that awoke a predatory instinct in

the animal and they would give chase.

Ebony wondered in a passing thought if Teenagers might be considered wild animals, for

they were certainly giving chase.

Showing little care for their injured member, the five others took pursuit, shouting

obscenities and threats in Ebony’s direction. Wishing that she had not wandered so far into the

graveyard, Ebony surged forward, determined to not be caught. Cigarette burns, Snake Bites, and

Bloody Knuckles could be the least of her problems. Running lightly, her feet skimmed over the grass,

until it felt as though she were truly flying. Blood pounded in her ears and her heart roared a steady

beat, urging her on. Ebony heaved forward, fierce stubbornness reflected in her eyes. A swell of

triumph lit up inside her as she spotted her bike. As she ran a breathless laugh broke forth, sounding

more like a sickly weeze. Stumbling to a halt, Ebony fumbled to pull her bike up. Allowing herself a

quick glance behind her, Ebony was relieved to find her pursuers a few rows back. Her bully’s were the

kind who were more used to having things brought to them, then running for those things themselves.

However, if Ebony wanted to get away unscathed, she would have no time to stop and catch her breath.

Using her shoulder to shove open the gate, Ebony hopped on one foot, the other being

swung over her bike. The relief from her lead disappeared when she saw six other bikes placed neatly

into the offered bike rack. Ebony groaned, turning and putting her weight into the bikes pedals.

“Hold it, Slime!” a shrill voice snarled, slicing through the air. Ebony did not hold it. Ebony

biked for her life.

Racking her mind for a place to go and hide, our heroine did not slow her course. A place

with lots of people would be good. Perhaps then the beating she would receive would be kinder. Ebony

gave a snort of contempt at that thought. Maybe a place with someone who knew her? Her fathers

factory? Her mother’s shop? No, she would never make it in time. Behind her she could already hear

nearing shouts along with the whir of bike wheels.

“Aha!” Ebony gasped out, having thought of a safe place. She was sure that Finch wouldn’t

mind if she picked him up early, and the piano teacher was also wife to the sherriff. Her bullies, dumb

as they were, would not dare to attack her in front of the only slice of authority they would listen too.

Ebony’s bike shrieked in resistance as she made a sharp turn to the left. Now she was back

into town, weaving past mailboxes and walking residents. A few shouted angrily at her, but she did not

slow to apologize as she normally would. Ebony was close, so close to safety. Karen shout behind her,

alarmingly close, but Ebony couldn’t make out what she was saying. Biting her lip, she surged forward,

sweat trickling down her forehead. The temperature did not seem so cool anymore. Ebony could have

cried in happiness when the piano teacher’s street came into view. She squeezed the hand breaks to

slow down.

Huh.

No breaks.

Ebony pumped the handle furiously, fear bubbling inside her. She recalled what Karen had

said.

“Well if it isn’t the little Witch,” Karen smirked as she came into view, “We found your

bike.”


Mentally, Ebony swore enough to make a sailor blanch. She snarled in fury and turned her

head to gauge how close her horrid predators were.

Never saw the truck coming.
Last edited by The Cheshire Cat on Thu Sep 18, 2008 2:47 pm, edited 2 times in total.
James Bond: Do you expect me to talk?
Goldfinger: No Mister Bond, I expect you to die!




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1650
Reviews 287
From what I have been reading I could say that this could possible become a novel. Its really good. I really like your way of writing. I could really picture this as a book I could read and enjoy. Well done, maybe you could check out some of my work and give me some pointers.
As for grammar and stuff, I couldn't find any mistakes. This is written very well. I can't wait to read chapter 2. I really enjoy Ebony. She is a really interesting character. I feel an emotional connection with her. I felt like kicking the stupid bullies asses( excuse my french).


WELL DONE ^_^
check out my deviantart account ^_^
http://maki121.deviantart.com/




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 2242
Reviews 695
Whoa...

I must say now that you are fantastic writer. The voice that this story possesses reeks years of reading and writing. Just lovely and a quite bit refreshing. The story-telling air that this has makes me want to sit back with some popcorn and listen to a guy with an amazing English accent narrate the story. Strangely, I can actually see this story being turned into a movie. If you're a Tim Burton fan then you'd picture what I see when you describe the scenery and the characters. Usually when I read the first five pages or so of a book I can determine if its going to be good or not and this is going to amazing...once you get it farther off the ground. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that you PM me when you add the next part.
Thanks for the read,
-Angel :D :D :D
True love, in all it’s celestial charm, and
star-crossed ways, only exist in a writer’s
mind, for humans have not yet learned
how to manifest it.




Random avatar
Gender None specified
Points 890
Reviews 3
Hey, nice story. The writing's really well done, and I particularly like the short intros you put at the start of the chapters/segments/whatever you call them.

I suppose grammar's mostly fine; there are a few misspelled words though. I'm guessing earging should be urging, preastoric should be prehistoric and progedy should be prodigy.

That aside, this chapter and your earlier prologue have got me interested. I await what follows. :D
Have any rice for me?




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 35
Thank you all so much for the feedback! I've changed those spelling mistakes - thanks for pointing them out to me. I was having a lot of trouble with 'earge' because my Word program was telling me it was wrong and I couldn't remember for the life of me how to spell it XD. I feel kind of silly now :roll:
James Bond: Do you expect me to talk?
Goldfinger: No Mister Bond, I expect you to die!




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 9917
Reviews 297
Wow, great writing, although at the beginning you have alot of telling instead of showing. This piece was amazing. Do you have it finished yet? Or are you just posting them as you think of them? This had all the potiential to becoming a novel. I really hope you finish it, let me know when you post the next chapter-I would love to read and review it! Good luck!
As your pretty, so be wise,
Wolves may lurk in every guise.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 35
Kaylyn: To answer your question, I am still in the process of writing (currently in the middle of chapter three). I write as I am inspired (which is often, thank god XD). I do have nearly all the story planned out, however. Thanks for the feedback, I may go back and bulk up that beginning soon. I really appreciate the compliment as well! I really would love to get this book published (hope that's not too conceited sounding XD). Maybe one day...
James Bond: Do you expect me to talk?
Goldfinger: No Mister Bond, I expect you to die!




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 516
Reviews 76
Other than a few grammar mistakes near the beginning, I really liked this. I had a hard time getting into it because the beginning was a little boring, but you are a great writer. I loved the metaphors that you used, and I could relate to Ebony in that I was also an outcast when I was in high school, and was bullied a lot. I was hoping for a happy ending, but I guess that things don't usually turn out the way you hope! XD

Good job!
"I think it goes until it's done."
"Don't we all."




Random avatar
Gender Male
Points 1188
Reviews 3
Slowly but surely, she was became “The Girl In The Attic”
needs to be "slowly but surely she had become "the girl in the attic"
LOrd olAF
Creedy: all youve got are your knives and your fancy karate gimmicks we have guns
V: no what you have are bullets and the hope that when you are out of bullets i wont be standing because if i am youll all be dead before youve reloaded




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 23
Aliya. Aliya. Aliya.
HOLYCRAPIWORSHIPTHEGROUNDYOUWALKON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
oh. my. freaking. god.
I feel like my friend has turned into a celebrity, and even if your not, you should be!
I understand the comment you made about Twilight the other day, because pardon my french but, YOUR WRITING KICKS STEPHENIE MEYERS ASS!
YOU BETTER PUBLISH THIS! SEND IT IN TO A HUGE BOOK COMPLANY GIRL!
i mean, i guess i haven't read the rest yet, but knowing you leela, this is gonna get big. no, MORE than big, this will beat out Harry potter, you are gonna go down in history Leelz! and when they ask me what i remember about you i am gonna say, "I KNEW IT! i knew this chica had potential, i did! insane as hell, but she used her insanity for the greater good she did"
wow i must be making NO sense, but seriously leelz!
erfgh!
GET THIS BABY PUBLISHED!
love you with all my heart!
Yo, ho, haul together,
hoist the colors high.
Heave ho, thieves and beggars,
never shall we die."
- Pirates of the Caribbean 3, At Worlds End




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 6
Don't have time to write a long enough critique, but suffice to say very good.

There was one time where you used "then" and it should have been "than", and I think it's spelled "wracking" not "racking," though I'm not positive.

I will definitely read the rest of this story, it's great now AND has potential (not as common as one might think).
if you don't laugh you must weep- proverb




Random avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 4
wow aliya!!!! like maggie said, you should really send this to a publisher. and what a comment
YOUR WRITING KICKS STEPHENIE MEYERS ASS!
!!!!!!!!!!! espesially coming from maggz!!!



seeing this tag and going "oh what's this? :)" then getting slapped in the face with shady's good grammar is the worst thing that's ever happened to me
— SilverNight