Short Poem: Head Man's Hill

Took a step,

closer to headman's hill,

If he would have had the will,

Surely he would have not had to kill.

The man who was not even bad.

But he did kill the poor lad,

And now he must suffer his bill,

On the head man's hill.

The idea is great. Needs so processing tho` :

If hw ould have had the will

If he would have had the will,

Nit to kill the man who was not even bad.

Not to kill the man who was not even bad.

But he did kill,

But he did kill the lad - an extra rhyme. Your choise if you want to use it.

Thats all. I like the ending.

Firstly, your rhyming is a bit strange. The first line doesn't rhyme with anything, and you use words with the same sound five times out of eight - hill, will, kill, bill, hill. This makes the poem sound the same all the way through, and a little boring, so try shaking it up a bit, by introducing other rhymes. These are all very simple rhymes and it all sounds so forced, like you wrote it this way just for the sake of making your lines rhyme. It's great if your poem has a good structure but the poet should not be a slave to his own rhyming scheme. Also, the first line, took a step - who took a step? Did you? Who is this murderer, I want to know more about him, or the person he killed, and what happened. The last line confused me, as well. This has potential, you just need to be a bit more adventurous with your language.

sorry there was a mistake in the spelling. =P

To the person above, it doesn't have to rhyme with anything, its his style. I think the poem worked the way it was written.

the ryhmeing is good but the poem is to short realy short. Dont forget that you need mor explanations.