Hide and Seek (Can You Find Me?)

Through the looking glass
And up the stairs,
You check again
But no one's there.
You're staring straight
But you don't see
The little girl that once was me.

I'm fading faster
Into this disaster.

Will you ever find me
Or will I eternally sleep?
My world is fading faster.
Playing hide and seek.
Can you find me?
Will you find me?

A little closer,
But far away still.
I'm perched in peace
On the windowsill.
You've distorted your vision
And now I'm gone.
This is terribly wrong.

I'm fading faster
Into this disaster.

Will you ever find me
Or will I eternally sleep?
My world is fading faster.
Playing hide and seek.
Can you find me?
Will you find me?

Look closely.
Can you see?
Can you see me?

I'm fading faster
Into this disaster.

Will you ever find me
Or will I eternally sleep?
My world is fading faster.
Playing hide and seek.
Can you find me?
Will you find me?

This: "The little girl that once was me" should probably be "The little girl who once was me". The repetition of "I'm fading faster/Into this disaster" gets a little too much, and I also notice that you've used other lines quite a few times - in fact, the last two stanzas bring nothing new to the poem, and I would get rid of them completely. That kind of repetition might work well in a song, but not really in a poem. The first and fourth stanzas were good, nice description, and I'd like to see these themes expanded on, rather than using the same lines, like "fading faster" and "can you/will you find me?" Keep writing.

Thanks for the constructive criticism but this was intended to be a song from the beginning. The repeating stanza to which you referred is the chorus. Thank you very much though. Criticism is always helpful and I am definitely interested in improving my writing style. I do agree that with a poem the repetition would be too much.

Now that I know this was menat to be a song, it works a lot better. It has good structure to it. Don't be afraid to deviate from your pattern in the verses-I think it coul be so much more if the repetition was saved for the chorus/prechorus and we got to know mor of a story in the verses.

...hmmmm...you could post this poem/lyrics/work into the lyrics section...
And another thing...Did you try to erase your title in those .."()"...accolades...? I think it'll work much better...
1st stanza-last verse....cut it into two pieces...I mean verses.
2nd...without "this"
3rd and on...you destroyed the rhythm that you made so far..since this is not an actual poem I'll forgive you
My greatest advice to you would be that you try fix some things and make poem out of this concept.
P.S. Your writing reminds me to one of my favorite singer..I'll give you a star just to encourage you...