The man of the Wood

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Now, I know it's not long, but I tried.

The boy walked most curiously through the pathway, his mind lingering on thoughts not thought for many years. The path was very gray, but smooth as it led him through the forest. It seemed to like his shoes, for, it would gracioucly move them while he didn’t. It had a wonderous mind of it’s own. That was really what he liked about this land, how it seemed to always make up its own mind before he could his.
After a long while of walking, he came upon a small pile of rubble and root. It looked as though it was small and insignificant, but still, it had a very life of its own. It emitted more feeling than any object in the wood to him, and he was awestruck. He turned backward to see whether there was any other sort of rock similar to it, but there wasn’t. It seemed to be the last of its kind.
But as he turned around, he was very surprised at the view before him. The small pile had turned into a magnificant garden of trees and light, as nothing he had ever seen before. Colors ran amuk and conversed in silence as the boy waked toward them closer still. Yet, there was something very odd about how these trees were configured. At least to him there was.

On the left were grand trees from colorful lands such as jungles and light forests. Bright green filled his view while yellow stole the light from him. Then, red came to settle the conflict between the two, creating a color most magnificant, he had never seen it before. It really would look like nothing to a regular person, but only in the eyes of a small child like him could a vision enhance such beauty to leave one speechless. But then he turned to the right. And there was a very grand vision of towering pines and fur trees towering over all the land. The whole segment of the configuration was dark and blue and grey. The trees seemed unhappy but relaxed in their form. A state of harmony.
As the trees wound down to their wonderous sized roots they entangled them selves together, on from both sides, deep into the ground. A good pace after they were no longer visable, there was a small flower. Again, like the color, the flower was a tone of that could not be grasped by an adult but only by a child. It was so pure and untouched and true to the two sides of the grove.
The boy walked further through, watching as the two sides still opposed the other. For long and treatcherous seconds he walked as the density made him think harder than he had ever thought before. And it was in that moment of thought, when he saw at his feet the pile of rubble. He did not look at it for long, no but he looked up to see a fantastical configuration of stone before him. It was a stone in the center, that had a ring of stone above it that shone the light upon the stone. To support the ring, a large series of pillars were erected on the sides, both large and grand to the eye. The stone was gray, save the golden plate set atop the stone.
The boy moved forward to read the stone and was thrusted with all type of emotion known from the block. He fell to his knees and started to cry for no apparent reason, then stood an laughed for a long matter of minutes until he fell back over. He then pulled himself up with a sigh of truth, but held himself to grasp the stone and read it. It read,
The Hopes and Fears,
The Loss and Tears
Lies Here in the
Land,
The man of the Wood.

What it meant the boy knew not, and probably never quite would.
Perhaps a man should be measured not by the reach of his arm, but that of the strength of his bravery and courage to all that opposes him.




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The small pile had turned into a magnificant garden of trees and light, as nothing he had ever seen before.

How would he know that without witnessing the change? The most logical reaction to what he saw wouldn't be "the rocks did it". That sounds like the ramblings of a mad man in the loony bin. Maybe you should have him see the rocks sprout like seeds, trees and such growing rapidly out of it. After all, in fantasy you want your magic to get the person interested, so it must be vivid, not boring (The only exception for this is for small things like making a dog appear behind someone or whatever you do). You should take out all your skills and make this part very interesting and attention grabbing. (As a side note, I'm only talking about the sprouting of the garden. Your description of the garden after this was fine).

Other than that I can't find much else. The main problem with this was that you never hooked me. You had some good descriptions about the surroundings, but even though that's good, you failed to develop the story much. I don't know the main character's name, personality, or what he looks like. There wasn't any dialogue, which is important in a story. All I know is that he's in a magical forest with stones that do weird things.

All you really need to do to make this better is put in some action or something to get the reader interested. There were no complications whatsoever, and all I got out of the story was descriptions of the surroundings and the knowledge that there's a guy living in the forest.

These are all very fixable, and you shouldn't worry much. If I were you, I'd start this story at a different place so we can find out who this main character is and what he's like. Good luck with this. I can see this as an interesting story in the making.
Trying to get to heaven without Jesus is like climbing to the summit of Mount Everest naked. You die before it happens.




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For the first piece of fantasy it`s quite good. But i got some tips to point out.

1.) To "release" that feeling of fantasy, magic, of a world that it`s impossible to exist ... you get the idea... its better to describe a lot (forest,sounds,smells,feelings,the characters)
2.) Little tips about the character`s state of mind would be perfect. example : "The soft green of the forest mixed with the old wood calmed him down letting him breathe the balmy air."
3.)You rush in the actions to soon, to fast :
He fell to his knees and started to cry for no apparent reason, then stood an laughed for a long matter of minutes until he fell back over.

I would make it He fell to his knees, feeling the coldness of the mossy ground through his pants and started to cry for no apparent reason. His tears coursed down his face like a river, then realising what he was doing he burst out into laughter.

That's all that i wanted to say. Overall its a nice starting point for a great story. Fix what i said and it would be much better.
Life is a song. You just need to know how to sing it.

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It's a nice little story, but it seemed like a bunch of descriptions. The descriptions were excellent, but as Mikedb1492 said, it didn't have any action.

The boy walked most curiously through the pathway

I don't know why, but this reminds me of Alice in Wonderland.

The path was very gray

You use "gray" in this sentence, but later you say "grey." You need to chose one or the other. I personally spell it "grey," but that's just me.

It seemed to like his shoes,

This was just odd, but I sort of liked it.

It was a stone in the center, that had a ring of stone above it that shone the light upon the stone. To support the ring, a large series of pillars were erected on the sides, both large and grand to the eye. The stone was gray, save the golden plate set atop the stone.

This was all very confusing to me. There was too much "the stone around the stoone on top of the stone.." I couldn't grasp which stone was which until I read it several times.

It was a good story, and all of the things that I mentioned are easy to fix. It doesn't have to be long. I wrote a very short story and have posted it twice.

Good work!!

-Sea-
'Let's eat Grandma!' or, 'Let's eat, Grandma!' Punctuation saves lives.

Reviews? You know you want one. :)

*Ribbit*



"You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it."
— We Bought A Zoo