Not So Good

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Points 6165
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why does it matter
what goes on in your room
on the side of the bed
that no one sees?
does it matter
if you're alone
and writing of a suicide?
the ink spots the carpet,
and the floor is weaker here
your head's against the bed
and hands are trembling.
you don't know where it's going
when she knocks on your door
and says you broke something.
when there's nowhere to go, it's time to grow up.




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Gender Male
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Too vague and proasic for my tastes. I have no idea who "she" is near the end. You don't make enough profound comments to make this strong at all, and nothing stuck with me.
Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.




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Gender Female
Points 6165
Reviews 665
I've really been experimenting with a different kind of writing lately. Perhaps it wasn't such a good thing because now all of my poems remain a mystery and are empty.
when there's nowhere to go, it's time to grow up.



This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much all of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movement of small green pieces of paper, which was odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.
— Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy