One to believe in

One to believe in:


There is always one to believe in:

God, Gods, spirits, people... we always need somebody or some thing to believe in.
To love, trust or just to worship.

Everybody has one,
are they black, white, Asian,
strong, weak,
old or young,
they all have one.
I have some.
Whose yours?

For some we are, or I am the one, or just one of many.

For there must be a God,
or a spirit,
some-kind of a lord.

How else could the world be,
such a weird place?

Time is limitless to those who believe,
Which is why we believe in the first place.

But from where within us does this believe flow?
Honestly even I don't know.
We guess it comes from our hearts,
some say from our heads,
some say from our spirits.
So where is the place we go after death?
Is it only the grave,
Cold and wet?

It must go on somewhere else,
Heaven, hell or someplace else.
Remember this because this is true.

Cheers! Nice ... I must admit this is very nice. Great idea but i would rather change a little

To love, trust or just bow to.

To love, to trust, to bow to.

Remember this because this is true.

Remember this for I speak truth.

Lord Anzius wrote:For some we are or I am the one or one of many.

this was actually quite good, though i didn't quite understand this line.besides that is exceptional.

In that line I mean to say, that I am for some people, the person or one of the persons they believe in.

It was pretty good but too short. If you would have made it longer and explain more about the beliefs I would really like it.

Yes, I agree, it would look alot better longer. Describe some beliefs. You had great grammar and I liked the poem. Its quite true. Good luck and keep writing.

Lord Anzius wrote:There is always one to believe in:

God, Gods, spirits, people... we always need somebody or some thing to believe in to.

Why did you include "people" in there? It brings us back to Earth from the lofty heavens you have described, the ephemeral and material world that is anathema to the idealism of this poem.

To love, trust or just bow to.

The end doesn't make sense unless you explain it. How does "just" bowing to somebody help the soul with the catharsis you hint of?

Everybody has one,

are they black, white, Asian,

fat, slim, strong, weak,

First of all, everyone [i]doesn't have one; you're acting like an omniscient narrator in a poem that's impossible to have an all-knowing narrator.

I can understand why you included racial differences and mentions of strong vs. weak, but...what does weight have to do with anything? That was completely random and it sounds like you're trying to make comparisons for the sake of making comparisons. That's a warning sign of poetry that isn't fleshed out.

mad, wise, old or young,

they all have one.

Once again, no, they don't all have one. In fact, I know a few who don't.

I have some.

Whose yours?

Don't use vague questions so openly, because it cheapens the value of your poem and makes it look almost like a generic inspirational poster instead of a work of art.

For some we are or I am the one or one of many.

I understood this part after reading it a few times, but others may not be so lucky. Clean this sentence up; divide it into different sentences if you have to.

Remember this because this is true.[/i]

Why is it true? You never really explained, but kept insisting that it is true without basis. Tell is the reason, give us examples.

Once again, no, they don't all have one. In fact, I know a few who don't.

Stik a gun up their nose and I promise that they will be praying for God... or Allah or Buddha or some Hindu god.
Don't they belive in you? trust you?

It has a mystical feeling to it. Wondering who or what you can believe in. I think it is true that people have to have something to believe in other wise you really don't know what to do with your life.

It is a really good poem and I would like to read more of yours.

For this one it would be nice if you could add on to it.

I like it it has a nice feel to it. I dont like how everyone is labled and put into boxes lol which is why I liked your poem. I also think the poem could be something more keep writing I'll keep reading.