Last Words Of A Fallen Eve

Last Words Of A Fallen Eve

I was born into this dark world,
a blooming flower in the sun.
But the tide of sin reached me,
and my petals withered and fell.
I tried to reach for the right path,
but the devil's road is still in sight.
Memories reflect my weary self
in a vast, painful mirror.
And I see nothing but a ruined monster
looking back into my eyes.

Is this the very curse that had befallen Eden?
The end of a blissful realm,
and the beginning of mankind's suffering?
But even if my life is just inches away
from Atropos's abhorred shears,
I still want to be by your side,
to see your smiling face again.
I'll remember the good times we had together,
and I shall drift into death's endless sleep
while holding your hand.

Though you will never know
the feelings that I have harboured for you,
at least, I will remain a part of your memories
while you live on.

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It was hard deciding a title for this one.

Great job. The review ...

but the devil's road is still in sight.

I would change it in But I know the devil`s wrath - gives an extra rhyme and tempo.

I still want to be by your side/to see your smiling face again.

I want to be by your side/For your smile to be my guide - again an extra rhyme.

Change them if you want. I hope this helps.

OK thanks for the review!

I can see that you had used great words to express the feeling. Good work.

I was born into this dark world,
a blooming flower in the sun.
But the tide of sin reached me,
and my petals withered and fell.
I tried to reach for the right path,
but the devil's road is still in sight.
Memories reflect my weary self
in a vast, painful mirror.
And I see nothing but a ruined monster
looking back into my eyes.

This first part was really great. It really expressed the how that person was befuddled by his/her sins.

But even if my life is just inches away
from Atropos's abhorred shears,

I don't know if 'life is just inches away' will match. Maybe 'death is just inches away'

Though you will never know
the feelings that I have harboured for you,

It should be 'I had harboured'

Well, it was great poem. And I liked it. Your use of metaphors, did it good. Well done. So, fix your mistakes.

Good luck.

Absolutely beautiful! I love your word choice, and good job on using punctuation. I think a general rule in poetry is capitalizing the beginning of each line, but don't hold me to that. Aside from such frivolities, I wouldn't change a thing except where I placed punctuation because I'm me. I would leave "I have harboured" the same. Keep writing!