Down the Drain Chapter 1

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Molly looked down from the mezzanine at a table embroidered with golden leaves, where her mom, Madeline Pleasant, and her dad, Richard Pleasant – the 5th- were sitting. High above their heads there was an enormous chandelier, hanging from a thin thread that looked as if it would snap at the slightest sway of the chandelier.
“But mo-om, why do we need to meet the president tonight?” Molly asked hopefully “Tomorrow night would be just as good.” Molly came from a long line of millionaires. The man who had made all this money was her great-great-great-great grandfather, Richard Pleasant the 1st he had been beyond a billionaire. He had been an inventor, and invented a water purifying system that could filter even the murkiest water, and made billions from it. The money had lasted till now, and it was to last for centuries longer.
“We have to see him tonight dear, he is after all a very important man,” Madeline answered sternly. “and you will behave yourself like a fine young lady. Now go get ready. Bob will have the chariot ready soon.”

* * *

Will stared dolefully at the long shadows that the oak trees before him was casting. It was almost night. He sighed a miserable sigh. His mom and dad were dead, murdered, the reason for murder was unknown. He had no home. He was hungry and tired. At night, he couldn’t sleep, too scared that someone might come after him as well. It had happened before. It had been a night just like this one, and he had looked for a sleeping place in the oak trees when he had felt a tug at his arm. The next thing he knew he was on the ground, cold fists hammering into him. That time he had just escaped. He had to go back sometime, and now that he was cold again, the furry-looking branches of the trees didn’t look so bad or dangerous. He ventured closer, and climbed the most sheltered tree. Within seconds he was sound asleep.

Will felt a strong yanking at his collar. Startled he opened his eyes. There was a man standing below him, pulling him. The man yanked him out of the tree. The man had a big serrated knife, and was now standing over him with it. Will lay on his back, frozen with terror. He missed his mom and dad, but he wanted to stay on earth just a while longer. The man lunged at Will’s neck. Instinctively, Will threw himself several paces away. The man plunged his knife deep into the ground. He couldn’t get it out! Will jumped up, and ran away. The man shouted out a word that Will didn’t even know existed. He heard a horse’s hooves on the tar ground. Only the police still had horses in the city. The police! Will ran, glad to have some hope. But when he reached the road, he saw disappointedly that it was a carriage, which was strange. Not a car, but a carriage. Will ran on, fear making him unable to stop. The carriage was scarcely a foot away from him, but he leaped. His hands were searching for anything to grab onto. Finally they found something. It was a warm hand. Unable to let go, he dragged the person and hand with him. He felt a boot making contact with his ribs. He grunted. Finally he crashed to the ground, the figure above him. He saw with surprise, that it was a girl roughly his own age. The ground on which they were lying squeaked. They were lying on a manhole.
“Let go of me you scum!” The girl cried out in surprise. Suddenly the entire lid tipped, sending them falling down towards the drains. Will tried to close his eyes, but couldn’t. All of a sudden there was a flash of brilliant light, blinding him. Then everything went black.

* * *

In a land far in distance and time, in a cell of magic, Gelda the accused witch sat. Her cell number was two. There were eight cells. She was due for an execution burning in one day’s time. She was wrongly accused of murder with magic. She was a power full and beautiful witch. She had never even harmed a fly. But, now her heart ached and her soul was weary. She had been married to Eon, the great wizard king of the north. She had been crowned queen. She had she bore him three children, and was expecting a third when the dessert men came with their armies of thousands and took over the wizarding capital of D’oriente. Presently she whispered in ancient tongue, with her eyes lolled back in her head. She chanted:
Ontorgues,
Shantlee,
Omagta,
Latéme,
Ogata,
Om
K
It was a powerful spell that would be released the moment she breathed her last breath. Then, in the dust on the ground she drew a runemark:








* * *

Molly was in a state of panic. She was confused. She had just been pulled from her carriage. Then she was falling. Then she hit the ground, and saw the black boy who had grabbed her. Then she was falling again. Then everything was black. Mainly because she had closed her eyes. Presently she didn’t know if she was falling, sitting, lying down or standing. It felt a bit like all of it mixed together. Suddenly, there was light. She opened her eyes. It was morning, and strangely, she was lying next to a massive “weeping willow”. It was no ordinary willow, all its leaves was a different shade of pink, purple, and blue. Molly pinched herself.
“Ouch!” She said aloud. Next to her was the boy who had yanked her from her comfy little carriage.
“Am I dead?” She asked herself. Suddenly she noticed that she was sinking. She was sinking into something white and gooey. She looked up, just in time to see a great red bird land on the lowest branch.
“You know,” It said “it’s really not very clever to fall asleep in the only spot in Cuento that is made of bird droppings.” Molly swallowed hard. The bird just spoke! She pinched herself again. No, she was awake.
“So…what inspired you to come here of all places. Was it maybe the wonderful fragrances, or the firm ground?” It asked sarcastically. Molly had just noticed the in-ignorable stench that surrounded the bird droppings. Molly was now up to her ankles in the droppings.
“C-c-c-can’t y-y-y-yo-yo-you” Molly stuttered.
“Help you?” The bird suggested. Molly nodded.
“Well…not really. The eighteenth chapter of the Phinoxian chamber of laws clearly states that no phoenix may help those who fall into the “White Grave”.” Molly closed her eyes, and lay down. She must be dreaming. Then once again every thing went black.

* * *

This time, Will woke first. He was lying in a cave. A very large cave, with an abnormal amount of light. Will looked around, but couldn’t figure what gave the light. On the walls there was writing of some sort. It was filled with x’s and z’s. But it was strange. It was written not in ink, but some kind of glowing red stuff, resembling fire. Will was fascinated. He stood up, and edged cautiously towards it. When he could finally touch it, he saw that it was indeed fire. He shuddered.
“Hey! What are you doing so close to the encryptions?” A gruff voice called out behind him. Will spun around. He gasped, and stumbled back into the wall. There in front of him stood a magnificent bird with red feathers covering it completely. Unlike the one Molly had seen this one had yellow tail feathers. Indeed, this one was even more magnificent than the previous one. It had a long tail, a long orange beak, and a strange mixture of green and blue eyes.
“I asked you…get away from the wall.” The bird said, trying to keep calm. Will sank to his knees. He was terrified. He tried desperately to do what the bird told him, but just couldn’t. The whites of the bird’s eye, claws, beak, and tail feathers all turned to a deadly shade of red. All of the sudden a small flame started creeping up from the birds claws, to its beak. Suddenly the bird was ablaze. It spread its wings, and cried an ear-splitting screech. Will fell to the ground, once more unconscious.

* * *

Molly opened her eyes. She was lying, not on the bird droppings, but on a seemingly endless carpet of sand. It was a dessert.
“I see that someone has finally decided to pleasure me with their company.” A familiar voice said. A few paces behind her there stood the phoenix that she had seen at the white grave. Molly gaped.
“Wondering what to say? Thank you might be the best thing.” It said. Molly lay down again. The dream wasn’t over. The phoenix walked over to her, lifted its claw, and striked at her upper arm.
“Ouch!” Molly cried out. “Why did you do that for!?” She shouted.
“Well, firstly to wake you up, and then to tell you that you really should start talking more.” It said. Molly gazed at her arm. There was a small thin red line.
“Well you did do that bloody well!” She yelled. Suddenly she remembered to whom she was speaking.
“Ummm…What is your n-n-name?” She asked. She surely wasn’t asleep.
“Ucbix.” Ucbix said.
“U-u-Ucnax?” Molly asked
“Ucbix.” It corrected her. Then she noticed that Ucbix wasn’t exactly an it.
“Are you male or female?” She asked. Ucbix stumbled back, obviously offended.
“You scummish bastard!” Ucbix called out as he/she flew off. Molly sighed, glad that Ucbix was gone. Then she noticed the boy lying next to her. He opened his eyes. Molly jumped up.
“You!” She called out. “You brought me here and I expect that you will take me out again!”
“My name is Will. Not “You”.” Will said much to Molly’s displeasure.
“And you just said that I brought you into this world, and I must take you out? That sounds like a really angry father.” Will said again, smirking.

Will stood up.
“Do you even know how much I’ve been through in this world?!” The girl behind him called out.
“Seeing your black jersey full of white smears tells me that you were thrown in paint and seeing your face tells me that you didn’t like it.”
“It wasn’t paint it was bird droppings!” The girl shouted. Will put his hands to his ears.
“Well just a while ago a talking red bird blasted my brains out with a sound loud enough to crack through a 60 foot wall!” Will called out and started walking away.
“Hey! Where do you think you’re going?” The girl called after him, and started stomping after him.
“I haven’t eaten in two days…I’ll see if they have a hotdog stand somewhere!” Will called back sarcastically. The girl raced to his side.
“My name is Molly.” Molly said.
“Ok...Molly I think it would be a good idea if you walked ten paces behind me, and follow me.” Will said annoyed. Molly sniffed, and said, “I think that you best walk ten paces behind me.”
“Well what you think really doesn’t matter.” Will countered.
“You wouldn’t say that if you knew who I am.” Molly said.
“I know very much who you are. You are Molly Pleasant, your parents are millionaires who have never had to lift a finger their entire lives for anything.” Will said knowingly. Molly gaped. Will was satisfied. He turned around and started walking. Molly then turned around and stomped away.

* * *

Molly had regretted her decision within seconds of walking away from Will. It was now a few hours, and she could swear that there was a porcupine in her throat. She would have fallen to the ground if it hadn’t been for the fact that the ground was living fire. Suddenly she saw a group of about eighteen men on camels.
“Help” She peeped out. “Help!” She tried again, this time with more force. Obviously the men had seen her, for they were now galloping closer. After a few seconds they were close. Three of them got off their steeds and ventured closer.
“We could get a good price for “er” The one said with a thick Arabic accent.
“Tat we could.” Another said starting to play with Molly’s hair. She was too weak to protest.
“So pretty…what do you tink?” The first one asked.
“Me agree. Mmm…What about we put “er up for tree gold leaves?” The third asked.
“No!” The second one called out. “ME tink fo gold leaves, two silver pages, and sixteen bronze letters.” It didn’t take long for Molly to conclude that these men were slave traders. She tried to run away, but only managed to collapse, causing laughter among the slave traders. One came closer, pulled her up, and put a rope around her neck, which he then fastened . Pulling the one end ,he said: “Come slave!” And jerked her forward.

* * *
Last edited by Reuben A on Sun Sep 14, 2008 11:11 am, edited 1 time in total.
So stadig loop ons deur die pers Jakarandas wat val,die bome word kaal Pa staar na die beeld van Botha wat reis op sy perd,Hy wonder was bloed soveel werd.Soveel jare dra hy aan die naam van 'n plek,Soveel jare moet ons nou laat gaan,Is die naam dan so erg,so bitter en sleg?Hoekom gooi jul dit weg?




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Okay.... I thought the actual story was okay but you made some mistakes i am going to point out.....
You repeatedly spelt the word desert, as dessert.
but on a seemingly endless carpet of sand. It was a dessert.

It had happened before. It had been a night just like this one, and he had looked for a sleeping place in the oak trees when he had felt a tug at his arm.
This doesn't really make sense. I think you should break down the sentance a little. My suggestion: It had been a night just like this one. He had been looking for a sleeping place among the oak trees when someone had tugged on his arm.

You also made some other errors- i suggest reading it over yourself and doing some editing.
I also thought that you switched scenes far too much. It was impossible for me to get into the story when it kept changing back and forth! I ended up never even finishing it. You want to keep your reader engaged. It sounds like it might turn out to be an interesting idea but you need to edit and i think you should keep it from switching point of views so often.Good ideas though! Keep writing!!



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