The winx friends

This is my 2nd story and I hope you will like it.

"Come on honey it’s late” said Ex’s mother.
"But mom you know my teeth hurt. Please let me stay home. I promise I won't eat the blood pudding please, please, please!" said Ex.
"Oh okay dear but take care. There are bad people who come to the grave at night so be careful of them." Said Ex’s mother.
"Yeah son, no going outside." said Ex’s father.
"OK dad I promise I won't go outside." Said Ex.
Both Ex’s mother and father went outside to hunt for food. So there Ex stood bored out of his life. So he thought of going outside and making some new friends (thought he promised his mother not to go outside, he always broke his mother’s rules).

***

Once outside Ex walked towards his grave and sat near it. He got a feeling that someone was staring at him from behind. He looked behind him, but there was nobody to be seen. He ignored it, but suddenly someone hit him. Ex got very scared.
"My grave is the one next to yours." a strange voice said.
"W....who are you?" Ex said. A light blue color girl appeared in front of him.
"My name is Emily, a ghost." said the girl.
"Oh I’ve never seen a little ghost." Replied Ex.
"Does this mean we are friends?" asked Emily.
"Well I haven't got any friends" said Ex.
Really, I have two other friends do you want to meet them?" Said Emily.
"Yeah, sure." Said Ex.
“Let's go then” Said Emily.
So on there way they were talking about there lives and house rules. On the way Ex saw a huge cave he asked who's cave this was and then Emily replied that it was her friends house a witch and Emily told that her other friend was a werewolf.

Okay, your story was good but weird and unusual. And you had rushed through it. I mean you had introduced character too fast. And you haven't described any single one. But it had a certain depth in it and I hope you continue.

Nit-picks,

"Come on honey it’s late” said Ex’s mother.

This doesn't seem like a good beggining to your story. And Ex doesn't seem like a good name for your character. And there should be a comma after the 'honey'.

"But mom you know my teeth hurt.

This should be, "But mum, you know my teeth are hurting"

I promise I won't eat the blood pudding please, please, please!" said Ex.

There should be a comma after the 'pudding'. And you should italicise the last 'please'

"Oh okay dear but take care.

There should be a comma after 'Oh' and after 'dear'

"Yeah son, no going outside." said Ex’s father.

I doubt any father would say, "Yeah son" and it should be, "Yes son, don't go outside"

"OK dad I promise I won't go outside." Said Ex.

There should be a comma after 'dad' and there are too many "said"s. Try changing this one to "assured" or something.

So there Ex stood bored out of his life.

I seriously doubt that he'll be bored if his parents left only a second ago. And he can do anything he want. So, I doubt if he'll ever be bored.

thought he promised his mother not to go outside,

"Though" and wasn't it his father he promised not to go outside?

Once outside Ex walked towards his grave and sat near it.

There should be comma after 'outside' and what do you mean by his grave? He's not a ghost, is he?

He ignored it, but suddenly someone hit him. Ex got very scared.

How can a ghost hit anything?

"W....who are you?" Ex said.

This should be 'asked' not 'said.' And he doesn't see the girl does he, so, most probably he'll be asking "Wh....Who's there?"

A light blue color girl appeared in front of him.

It's not light blue coloured girl. It should be, light blue coloured, gas like transparent girl.

"My name is Emily, a ghost." said the girl.

This highly unlikely. A ghost wouldn't introduce themself to a complete stranger.

"Oh I’ve never seen a little ghost." Replied Ex.

There should be a comma after 'Oh'

"Does this mean we are friends?" asked Emily.

This is too unlikely. A ghost asking a vampire to be friends.

Really, I have two other friends do you want to meet them?" Said Emily.
"Yeah, sure." Said Ex.
“Let's go then” Said Emily.

This part of the conversation is too melodramatic. I mean a ghost appears out of nowhere and takes a vampire to meet her friends. Please, be more constructive an think of something else.

So on there way they were talking about there lives and house rules.

"On the way", "they talked" and that should be "life"

On the way Ex saw a huge cave he asked who's cave this was and then Emily replied that it was her friends house a witch and Emily told that her other friend was a werewolf.

This sentence made absolutely no meaning at all. I'll make it more readable.

"On the way, Ex saw a huge cave. He asked 'to whom this belonged to?' Emily replied that it belonged to her friend, who was a witch and that her second friend was a werewolf."

Overall,

Okay, you have lots to fix in this. Firstly your character. He is poorly developed and you haven't described about him. And also, is he vampire or a ghost? Secondly, you haven't described anything about the place where he lives or any surrounding detail. Thirdly, the ghost. I really don't believe that a ghost will just pop out of the ground and ask a vampire to be friends with her. She sound like Murtle in Harry Potter. You story is just rushed and isn't making the readers like it. So, I should say that it needs a lot of editing to get to a good standard.

Good luck.

Okay, first of all, my apologies if this seems rude or mean.

I'm going to be frank. I was completely bored and uninterested as soon as I read the first sentence. There was barely any structure, and you just threw in a character who, by the description of your story, wont even be a main. Add emphasis, give us more look on her personality, give us some interaction, more than just "Come on honey it's late."

Which leads to my next point. "Said Ex's mother." First of all, who is Ex? Your first sentence indicates the speaker as HIS mother, meaning HE is the main character, but we don't even know who HE is. Once again, try to bring in more interaction, more of him and less of her. After all, he's the main character, shouldn't you at least give your readers the grace of knowing what on earth is going on?

This point is very important. There's more to a story than all this "he said, she said, he did, she went" stuff. To make a good story you need structure, you need background, you need description, movement, interaction. Show us their personalities, because after all, not every character in a story is going to have the same personality. When you make a story comprised out of "blah blah" said Jack, "halb halb" said Jill, you lose more than you gain. You confuse more than you intrigue. At one point in time, Jack will be standing there making out with Jill and the next they'll be having a pointless conversation that no one can understand from the top of the hill to the bottom, but the readers wouldn't even know they moved. That is where telling us what your characters are doing rather than just what they are saying to each other becomes very important.

Both Ex’s mother and father went outside to hunt for food. So there Ex stood bored out of his life. So he thought of going outside and making some new friends (thought he promised his mother not to go outside, he always broke his mother’s rules).

***

Once outside Ex walked towards his grave and sat near it. He got a feeling that someone was staring at him from behind. He looked behind him, but there was nobody to be seen. He ignored it, but suddenly someone hit him. Ex got very scared.

My first suggestion, don't start 2 sentences that are right next to each other with the same word. "So...So..." Makes your story VERY boring. Second, there really wasn't a need for the brackets. You can add that whole sentence into the story without the brackets, and make it sound better. Third, why on earth the ***? You DON'T need that. You state in the top part that Ex is going outside, and then break up the part where he is outside. Put it together, put movement, tell us where he was before he got there and where he is when he gets there. And again with the same beginning word. You started three sentences with "He", making the story completely boring. Try something more like this;
"Ex suddenly got a feeling that someone was staring at him, but nothing was behind him. He looked back once more, trying to ignore the feeling, when an icy cold slap struck his face."

"W....who are you?" Ex said. A light blue color girl appeared in front of him.
"My name is Emily, a ghost." said the girl.
"Oh I’ve never seen a little ghost." Replied Ex.
"Does this mean we are friends?" asked Emily.
"Well I haven't got any friends" said Ex.

Er...Um...Yeah...OK. When making a character stutter, whether from fear or physical disability, don't use dots. The dots indicate a pause, not a stutter. They mean someone literally stopped in mid sentence, and continued seconds or minutes later, and usually, the letter before the dots will be read as a letter not the stutter of an on-coming word. Try;
"W-who are you?" Ex asked.
In this part you just threw in a new character, though I must say good job on having him feel her presence before the slap and having her appear before the dialog. But, please, don't have her say shes a ghost, have him discover it.

So on there way they were talking about there lives and house rules. On the way Ex saw a huge cave he asked who's cave this was and then Emily replied that it was her friends house a witch and Emily told that her other friend was a werewolf.

Same problems here. Don't TELL us they're talking, SHOW us they're talking. Let us "hear" their conversation.
RUN-ON ALERT! RUN-ON ALERT! Split that second sentence up. Make it more interesting.

Well, this is it for my review. Once again, sorry if I caused any harm at all, but sometimes you have to be harsh(sometimes meaning all the time when it comes to reviews).

Okay you intruduce the characters way too fast. You provide no details... I don't mean to be rude but it is boring. Spice it up some. Also you need to show instead of tell. Take it a little slower describe the surroundings and chararcters more. There are also some grammar mistakes.

"Come on honey it’s late” said Ex’s mother.
Put in a more interesting first sentance. A reader can grow bored and will quit mid-story.

"But mom you know my teeth hurt. Please let me stay home. I promise I won't eat the blood pudding please, please, please!" said Ex.
If Ex calls her Mom capitilize the M.

"Oh okay dear but take care. There are bad people who come to the grave at night so be careful of them." Said Ex’s mother.
Okay this is a bit typical and cliche the mother that is oh so worried and the father thats listen to your mother.What is the grave? Explain this a little more.


"Yeah son, no going outside." said Ex’s father.

"OK dad I promise I won't go outside." Said Ex.
You need yo spell out Ok, its Okay. Also out a comma where the first period is.

Both Ex’s mother and father went outside to hunt for food. So there Ex stood bored out of his life. So he thought of going outside and making some new friends (thought he promised his mother not to go outside, he always broke his mother’s rules).

Put in some detail. They went to hunt outside for what type of food, is he new here? If he's not would he have not already made some friends? Don't start two sentances with so, so close together. Okay now we know the MC is a bit rebellious, this lets us know what he is like. Put more like this into the story.


***


Once outside Ex walked towards his grave and sat near it. He got a feeling that someone was staring at him from behind. He looked behind him, but there was nobody to be seen. He ignored it, but suddenly someone hit him. Ex got very scared.

I like this, you introduce the character alot better. Although I was wondering to, How does a ghost hit people. WHat is Ex? A ghost, werewolf, witch...

"My grave is the one next to yours." a strange voice said.

"W....who are you?" Ex said. A light blue color girl appeared in front of him.

"My name is Emily, a ghost." said the girl.
Okay you could rephase this: "My name is Emily, and I'm a ghost as you can see."

"Oh I’ve never seen a little ghost." Replied Ex.

"Does this mean we are friends?" asked Emily.

"Well I haven't got any friends" said Ex.

Really, I have two other friends do you want to meet them?" Said Emily.

"Yeah, sure." Said Ex.

“Let's go then” Said Emily.

So on there way they were talking about there lives and house rules. On the way Ex saw a huge cave he asked who's cave this was and then Emily replied that it was her friends house a witch and Emily told that her other friend was a werewolf.
This sentance is a bit confusing so you might want to reword it. The story sounds a bit elementary and this is fine as long as it is intended for that audience. But if you are writing for middle school or older students, I would suggest a bigger vocabulary.

Please, don't think me harsh; I am simply pointing out areas that you can fix and improve. Overall I liked the story idea its original, it just needs some spicing up. If you need any help, just PM and I'll help. Good luck with your writing!