Ok I didn;t want to post the rewrite seperate, but I think it would be easier for reviewers especially since I tweaked alot of the beginninig. The history mentioned is mostly the same, but I think the story has evolved with all the previous help.
Also I took as much of the critques into consideration as I could and worked them into the story. tell me if this came out any better.
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Chapter 1
-The Prophecy-
(one month earlier)
The anxiety within me was beginning to become over powering. All night I had pictured what today would be like, playing it over and over in my head. The nerves have yet to settle in my stomach. I shouldn’t be feeling this way; today is supposed to be the easy part, and yet I was fighting a battle inside my own mind.
“Riley, stop worrying,” said Samantha.
“Huh?” I sprang back to reality from my oversized thought bubble. “Sorry, what?”
“I said stop worrying,” repeated Sam. “It’s so clear on your face. I haven’t seen you this pale since you got that stomach virus two years ago.”
“Sam, how can I not worry?” I asked. Sam was one of my closest friends. We had begun our journey for sisterhood during the same year. We had met through our classes and made fast friends. “It’s not like I’m being given just an ordinary assignment. Sam, I’m receiving the mission today. You know how serious this is.”
“Yes, but that does not mean you stress out about it,” replied Sam. “Look at what my mission was.” Sam had a point. When she had been given her mission she was charged with protecting and guiding a pair of ambassadors to anther kingdom. Sam completed her assignment without problems, but it had taken a great deal of time. Three months passed before she returned.
“That does not mean I can’t stress about it either,” I declared. Sam stopped walking then. She put her hands on her hips and glared at me. Her eyes were screaming at me, asking me why I had to be so negative. I just sighed and said, “Fine, but can we keep going I want to at least be on time.”
We had been walking down a series of corridors, making our way to the Missions Office. Sister Innet and Sister Sarah were its only staff. Their jobs did not make them the highest-ranking sisters, but it did provide them with the privilege of giving out missions. This was especially important for sisters in training, like me, who were receiving the mission.
After rounding another corner Sam and I finally reached our destination. I turned toward Sam, hoping for some words of reassurance. Looking into her eyes revealed the confidence that she had always seen in me. I could always rely on Sam to cheer me up or calm me down when I needed it. I took one last glance at her as if it were the last time I would see her.
Sam was only seventeen, but she and I were the same height. Her hair was dirty blond and it looked like long strands of waves extending from her head; she told me she hated cutting it unless she had to.
Her attire was only slightly different from what I was wearing, but that was only because she had completed her mission. Inside the coven, sisters would wear different color shirts to show their rank. The majority of the coven consisted of students wearing yellow, teal, or brown shirts.
Sister wore yellow in their first three years of training. While students in their fourth, fifth, or six year of training wore teal. Brown was worn only by students in their final two years, during which time a student may be given their mission. Once their mission was completed a sister would receive a red shirt, like the one Sam was wearing now. She would receive a white shirt after graduation, which happens to be only a month away.
Sam also wore simple black breeches tucked into worn boots. She was dressed for physical training that would most likely take place later today.
Both Sam and I had dreamt about the day we would be able to wear white. Becoming a full trained sister was a great honor and in the coven, honor was an important key to rising in the ranks.
Since I was going to receive my mission today I still wore brown, but instead of a shirt I wore a tunic. It was important that I wore more formal wear then a plain shirt. A black belt was fitted across my waist. The tunic fit well with the belt on even though it was a little long. I also wore a black breeches tucked into the cleanest boots I could find at the time.
I could always remember Sam telling me that brown never flattered me, especially when I wore a tunic. To me, brown was a useful when it came to fieldwork since it allowed me to blend in with my surroundings.
I brought my eyes back up to meet Sam’s gaze. Her expression had not changed. “Riley, remember not to worry about what mission you receive, but about fulfilling it. You must focus very hard for it is the gate that leads to sisterhood. I have faith in you Riley, and there is no doubt that you will complete whatever it is you are set out to do. There never has been.” When Sam finished I fought back tears. Her words were memorable and I would always treasure them.
I reached over to her and we embraced each other in a hug. “Thank you,” I whispered in her ear. She pushed me away, but kept her hand on my shoulders.
“Go,” she said nodding her head towards the door. A smile appeared on her face and I realized that I had been smiling, too. I took a deep breath and turned towards the door. “See you at graduation Riley.” With that I walked through the door, making sure not to look back for I was afraid I would loose the confidence that had arisen in me.
After closing the door quietly behind me, taking it all in, I lead my gaze around the room. It was of decent size. There was a storage closet behind the sister’s desks, which I guessed most likely held the legendary list. The list held all the names of the sisters who had passed their missions. Sam was included in that list and I hoped to join here soon.
“Ah, Sister Riley, right on time,” greeted Sister Innet. “Please sit. We will begin in a moment.” She was gesturing towards one of the vacant chairs in front of her desk. I took the seat and took the extra time to continue my examination of the room.
Sister Innet sat at her desk filing paper leisurely while sister Sarah was standing over a crate leafing through mounds of folders. Both the sisters wore all black clothing with a black hooded cloak. Neither had their hoods on so their faces were clearly visible, each worn and showing years of experience.
Crates seemed to be everywhere about the room. Some were on the floor while others were stacked on top of each other. They were all filled to the brim with papers. A bookshelf was placed in the corner behind me. Many of the books looked worn and old, but what they didn’t lack was size.
Given the purpose of the room there was a large amount of seating. The sisters each had their own chairs. A couch was against a wall that could seat two and there was also another seat next to me.
“Sister Riley,” I turned my head so I was facing Sister Innet. “Once Sister Margeret is present we will begin.” My first instinct was to drop my jaw, but I knew that would be disrespectful. Instead my mind went into a bit of a shock. Sister Margeret was very special to me. She was also one of the four head sisters of the coven.
I only knew one other sister of the four, Sister Carmen. She was in charge of the finance and maintenance of the coven. The three remaining sisters were constantly coming and going. They mainly were messengers to other covens throughout the realm.
My story had always been different from the other students. I did not know whom my parents were or if I had any other family. Sister Margeret had found me on her travels and she had taken me back to the coven with her.
She then proceeded to raise me. Normally that would not be allowed since the coven permitted no girls under the age of nine to be present at the coven. The age rule did not apply to orphan boys though. I was the one and only exception since it was Sister Margeret who had found me.
As I got older she left the coven more often. Sometimes she was gone for a week, other times a month. During which time I would be in the care of another sister usually of high rank. When I was eight, only a year away from being an eligible student, Sister Margeret took me aside to tell me she was going away. It puzzled me since it was not unusual for her to travel.
She began to explain that this time was different, and that she would not be coming back for a few years. I remembered being sad since Sister Margeret was like my adopted mother and me her child. She did not tell me why she would be gone for so long, but she did say I would not be staying with another sister like the previous times.
That is when Sister Margeret took me to one of the student classes for first years. She told me that I would start sisterhood training even though I was too young. It was for the best and since I had grown up at the coven I was more then qualified to start early. All this information at once had caused me to become confused.
It was that first class that I had met Sam. Sister Margeret did not return for three years. Even then she did not stay long before leaving again. Before Sister Innet had mentioned her name I was unaware of her return to the coven. It had been five years since I had last seen her and eight years had passed since I had last talked to her.
That did not explain why she would be attending my mission hearing. The news of her being present is very strange. Almost all my friends have already had their mission meetings and none of them mentioned a head sister attending, or any extra guests for that matter. Even though the news of seeing Sister Margeret caused me to be overjoyed, nervousness still lurked inside me. I did my best not to show it though.
Not long after the mention of Sister Margeret, by Sister Innet, the head sister arrived scurrying through the door. When she entered I immediately stood up with my hands at my sides, as was protocol when in the presence of a head sister.
“Oh do sit down Riley. I am much too tired to for properness at the moment,” stated Sister Margeret. I was a little taken aback, but I obeyed anyway. Sister Margeret sat down lazily on the couch taking in deep breaths.
Her clothes were clearly worn from her travels. She wore black, mud stained breeches tucked into matching boots. She wore a loose purple shirt and a black hooded cloak. Sister Margeret’s apparel showed no trace of her rank, which meant she must have not wanted anyone to recognized her. Normally head sisters wore gold tunics with the insignia of the coven they represented on them.
Sister Innet cleared her throat and began to speak once again. “Riley, today you will be receiving the information on your mission that will lead you on your way to the becoming an official sister of the coven. Are you aware of this?”
“Yes,” I replied as expected.
“Are you aware that if you do not complete this mission you will not be able to become a full sister and that there are no second chances?”
“Yes.”
“Good, now that that is over with, Sister Margeret do you have the book?” asked Sister Innet.
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nothing was added on the end sorry to disappoint so it remains a cliffhanger
*laughs and slowly fades to awkward silence*
I have no idea why I'm being so thorough, particularly when my little brother's attacking me right now.
