I Love You

Invisible forces that bind me to you, are -

Like selfish vines, thorns that inxtoicate me with,
Obsession, madness, irrational doubt.
Vulgar desires sully my mind with your form,
Every inch of you has been mapped in my dreams.

You'll learn in time, that your hold on me is too strong.
Only death can sever these vines you gave to me.
Until then, sweet torture you'll stay put in my heart.

Oooh, I got one word for this, matey; naiice.

Okay, I dig the whole using the letters of the phrase for each line kind of pieces of work. I dont know the word for it - I'm sure there is one. I love how you've captured the good, bad things that affect you when you're in "love". I mean, your wording was great. I like how you talk of the irrational doubt and the vulgar desires that are coupled with the emotion.

Good for you.

I dont have much to give you on how to improve really. I think your first line jumps out of the poem quite a bit - maybe blend it into the background of the rest of your poem? Other than that, it's very good ^^

Happy writing!

kris wrote:Invisible forces that bind me to you, are -

Like selfish vines, thorns that inxtoicate me with,
Obsession, madness, irrational doubt.
Vulgar desires sully my mind with your form,
Every inch of you has been mapped in my dreams.

You'll learn in time, that your hold on me is too strong.
Only death can sever these vine of you gave to me.
Until then, sweet torture you'll stay put in my heart.

Beautiful. I have no crit for this. You're getting a star my friend!

SunshineOrange wrote:Okay, I dig the whole using the letters of the phrase for each line kind of pieces of work. I dont know the word for it - I'm sure there is one. I love how you've captured the good, bad things that affect you when you're in "love". I mean, your wording was great. I like how you talk of the irrational doubt and the vulgar desires that are coupled with the emotion.

I agree. Good work!

P.S Another catchy title! Why do I always keep running into you?

Hey Again!
I didn't know you wrote poetry!!!!! My crit is below. I hope it helps.

kris wrote:Invisible forces that bind me to you, are -

Like selfish vines, thorns that inxtoicate me with,
Obsession, madness, irrational doubt.
Vulgar desires sully my mind with your form,
Every inch of you has been mapped in my dreams.

You'll learn in time, that your hold on me is too strong.
Only death can sever these vines [s]of[/s] you gave [s]to[/s] me. I think there were a few typos in that one line, but if you fix it with what I put, I think it will flow a lot better
Until then, sweet torture you'll stay put in my heart.

Bravo!!!! That was wonderful. I love these types of poems and you did it really well. The title I think should be changed to something a bit more powerful, but the words themselves in the poem was quite amazing! I agree with the above user. Golden star! I loved the last line, it sent shivers up my spine!

loved it!!! just amazing and so...POWERFUL!! the words flow and just all together they create an instant peice of art! the writting and words are so intense and just get a hold on the reader. amazing. i dont really have the right words to descibe it. great job.

Firstly, i really enjoyed this poem
It was cleverly written with lots of descriptive details. It was also very clever how you did the vertical words (i forget what they're called) te he.
Anyway, by adding the above feature in, it really added to the great aspects of this poem.
A good poem should flow and yours has definately done that!

I think it's called an acrostic poem - that's what we called them in school anyway!

kris wrote:Invisible forces that bind me to you are (don't think you needed the comma or dash)

Like selfish vines, thorns that [s]inxtoicate[/s] intoxicate me with (no comma and typo - unless it was for effect)
Obsession, madness, irrational doubt.
Vulgar desires sully my mind with your form,
Every inch of you has been mapped in my dreams.

You'll learn in time, that your hold on me is too strong.
Only death can sever these vine of you gave to me. (typo somewhere and see note)
Until then, sweet torture, you'll stay put in my heart.

I really liked this except for the second last line - the repetition of 'vine' seemed like a cop-out. I can see why you used it, but it would be better for the poem to find a synonym.

Aside from that and some changes of punctuation, I don't have anything to suggest! You wrote the poem really well, despite the small limitation of the letters you had to use at the beginnings of the lines, and I thought the metaphor was really effective.

Love it. Absolutely love it. Plus the acrostic form that you have everything in. The part 'thorns that inxtoicate me with' sounds kind of odd, it might be better if you stemmed the flow a bit with a comma before 'with'. Otherwise, it's perfect.

What gave you the inspiration to write this? Or did you just think of the acrostic and then the rest (which I would've done, hehe ).

Bravissimo!! This was beautiful and wonderful and magnificent and just plain old catchy. I like how you explained your love but you didn't exactly say the words. I love that when I'm reading a book or a short story. People just don't explain why anymore! Yay, thanks for writing this poem because now I have hope that no one didn't forget the true meaning of love. Sorry for all my enthusiastic comment. I just almost cried with joy after reading this. Really, this was a great piece of work.

Favorite line that I might hopefully with your permission be able to quote one day:

Only death can sever these vine of you gave to me.

Only problem seen is these should be this. Minor mistake but I knew what you meant any how.
Keep writing,
-Angel

This is an intriguing poem. It's interesting how you love the person, yet you see all the flaws, you accuse them of being selfish, vulgar, etc. It makes you wonder what's happened between the writer and who he's writing about. Interesting...

I would work on rhythm and technique. The line breaks don't seem to make sense.

Great work, keep writing!
-KK

Wow this is a fabulous piece..

I really enjoyed the format that you put it in thats very clever!!!!!

Nothing really bad to say!!!!

Wow

This is definitely one of - if not THE - best poem I have read on this website.
Brilliant.
Simply brilliant.

I love how you don't make it cheesy or gross us out.
The whole vine metaphor was sheer genius.
Acrostic? Nice touch.

Bravo!
Encore!

I liked this. I ecspecially liked the words you put intto this. How long did ittake you?
I Love You. I also liked how you named it this because its talking about how you love someone and
The words are the same. Iknow I don't make sense sorry.

i loved it, ve never read anything like this before. its so passionate lol you must really be in love, i think only people who have actually felt love like that can ever write about it. good job, i loved it

"Like selfish vines, thorns that inxtoicate me with,"

I'd get rid of the "with", and is "inxtoicate" a word? And if it is, does it have to do with suffocating vines? (Out of curiosity)

"Only death can sever these vine of you gave to me."

I like this sentence. A lot. Very passionate.

"Until then, sweet torture you'll stay put in my heart."

I'd put "Until then, sweet torture will remain in my heart" or something to that effect. If you're addressing the sweet torture, then put a comma after torture.

This is a very good poem. I like the whole acronym thing you have going on, and the words were burning with passion and suppressed love. I can almost feel the longing. (That's a compliment!)