Ghost of the past... (rewritten, please read)

A ghost of my past haunts my dreams



Shallow breathing, Shaking hands



A whisper in the shadows of my mind.



It doesn't want to let me forget,



But I will prevail!! I will forget!!



I lie awake at night, thinking of my ghost



I know I am forgiven, yet I can't seem to let it go.


The ghost shall haunt me for awhile


Of that I'm very sure.


God has cast my past into a sea of forgetfullness


But, I need time to heal.


I'm sure in time, I'll forgive myself


Learn to let it go



So, for now I'll say goodbye to my fretful ghost



And sink into a peaceful slumber



Where nothing can touch me



And I will not fail.

A good poem, I love the mysteriousness of the ghost . I think most people have commented on improvements before, as you rewrote it, but I do have some tiny nitpicks.

Shallow breathing, Shaking hands

Shaking doesn't need to be capitalised, but maybe you could put a fullstop after breathing to make two seperate sentences to add affect.

But, I need time to heal.

No comma needed

So, for now I'll say goodbye to my fretful ghost

Personally, I think it would flow better if you replaced "say" with "whisper" or "wave" but this could just be me.

Favourite line of poem: "I will not fail"

It's so definite and a very powerful ending it really highlights the characters determination.

Ohh yes....i wrote it so quickly, i didn't really think of putting whisper. that would be a much better word.

im glad i had fewer editing mistakes this time. :]

thanks for the review,

as always.

Hello, well I took a look at the other version of this poem and I thought that it needed more. Since it was locked I came to read this one and it is a much improved. Although, in my opinion, I think that the topic that you chose to write about should be more explored say by writing a narrative poem. This fits perfectly in lyric poetry because it flows right down to the end but I think you could do so much more with this.
Keep writing,
-Angel

I think it is a very great poem, trying to forget the ghosts of the pasts... sort of what I try to do. I also like the mystery... all together very good! (sorry, brain dead, can't think of any better adjectives )

This is a very unique poem. It's like trying to leave all the past behind and start on a new path. Well, there are some parts that need to be improved a little, but still, great work!

Keep writing and good luck!

I can't say anything important about this because I'm don't know that much about poems. But I can say that if you kept your spacing between two lines to one or two spaces, it would have been better.

Okay, I can say it's a greatly written poem. About that unforgiving ghost and the person turning to a new way to forget about the ghost.

It doesn't want to let me forget,

I think this would have been better if it was "It doesn't want me to forget"

That's the only thing I can point out.

But it was really greatly written poem.

Well done.

Wow!

Just wow!

I can completely relate to this. The words are so simple yet meaningful. No review from me. I didn't find anything wrong in it.

Anyways, keep writing!