Whole

I am not whole.
I am missing pieces of life,
The things all people should experience.
I need a broken heart.
No one can truly call themselves human,
Unless they posses a broken heart.
Painful memories.
Lost love.
Depressed mindset.
Sad souls.
My heart has bled,
But not been torn through.
My memories can make me tear up,
But not sob openly.
My loves clutch me close,
And do not cast me aside.
My mind has been bleak, unhappy,
But I've always thought optimistically.
My soul is old, and often worn,
But I hold happiness within my core.
My heart is intact,
Though not solid.
I'll gain the missing pieces of myself
Through experiences and emotion
As I grow older.
When I'm mature enough,
I might even be lucky enough
To own a broken heart.
And if I'm even luckier,
My heart will be mended,
And I will be a whole person.

Hi!

Dreamwriter wrote:I am not whole.
I am missing pieces of life
[s]The things[/s] That (?) all people should experience.
I need a broken heart.
No one can truly call themselves human
Unless they possess a broken heart,

What makes her think that no one can truly call themselves human unless they've had a broken heart? Maybe expand on this.

Painful memories,
Lost love.
[s]Depressed mindset.
Sad souls.[/s]

My heard has bled,
But not been torn through.
My memories can make me tear up,
But not sob openly.

'My memories can make me tear up' - try something a little more like 'My memories can sting my eyes' or something to avoid using 'make me...'

My loves clutch me close,
And do not cast me aside.
My mind has been bleak, unhappy,
But I've always thought optimistically.

I don't quite understand this section.

My soul is old, and often worn,
But I hold happiness within my core.
My heart is intact,
Though not solid.

Is the happiness in her core her heart? Which is happy because it's intact? If so then I almost understand this because it's paradoxical.

I'll gain the missing pieces of myself
Through experiences and emotion
As I grow older.
When I'm mature enough,
I might even be lucky enough
To own a broken heart.
And if I'm even luckier,
My heart will be mended,
And I will be a whole person.

The last section doesn't have any rhythm to it - it needs edited slightly. The very last lines are a bit bizarre - she wants a broken heart just to have it mended?

I think you need to clarify your ideas and what point you want to make before you edit this. Maybe you could have an almost ironic ending - that once the speaker has had her heart broken, or lost her heart or something, then she will feel whole?

I almost understand what you're trying to say but can't quite get there yet. You say:

'My mind has been bleak, unhappy,
But I've always thought optimistically.'

This is a contradiction - it just makes the poem a little more difficult to grasp. I think it would really help to simplify your ideas.

Hope this helps!

I personally thought it was pretty good. pm me and tell me how long u hav been writing. the only thing i didnt like about it is that it made no sense... why was your heart broken? and you said u needed a broken heart, and later in the poem you complain about having a broken heart.


but other then that, it was really good

XOXOXOXO
Emma

all i really have to say to that is WTF i dont really understand the poem and dont think there is much of the point gotten clearly across it's good in a sense that the rhythm is great and the words go together perfectly but it doesnt seem to have any meaning in it whatsoever i didnt get any emotion out of it and i really didnt understand it. try adding a little more emotion to it.

This poem was great. I could really feel the emotion involved in it. I could also relate to it, in a way.
There are two things which i BELIEVE are incorrect. After like, you need a comma instead of period.

QUOTE:

I am missing pieces of life.

The things all people should experience.


Also, I am guessing that you meant HEART, instead of, HEARD.


QUOTE:

My HEARD has bled,

But not been torn through.


Keep up the GREAT work!!!

I like the poem as I can relate to the feelings of impaitence to grow, and some intersting memories or background, especially when we're young, we tend to have more mediocre memories, not that they're bad, just not the kind you read about.

As for critique maybe you can show us the kind of memories that you have or looking for.

~Flora

I liked it, and I can relate. How everyone needs pain in order to really feel the joy and happiness more clearly.
My favorite line was "My soul is old, and often worn."
I thought it was really profound and insightful.
Keep it up. :]

Wait
Let me get this straight...
You WANT a broken heart?

Okay, let me explain this.
Have you ever broken a bone?
You know the excruciating pain, and you're like, "God, anything to take the pain away!"
...And you can't think straight or function right until you've had some medication because you're totally consumed by the pain?
Yeah, that's a broken heart. But worse. Much worse.

When your heart breaks, you lose yourself.
Then you have to figure out who you are, what you want, and how to function all over again.
At least, that's how it was for me.
-And everything seems to remind you of that person, and you'd do anything to get away from it all.
But you can't.
And your heart breaks all over again whenever you seem them with other people.
When you see them happy, without you. Like you were nothing, ever.

Count your blessings, hon.
Life is good when your biggest worry is that you don't have enough pain.
Don't worry; I'm sure someone along the way will break your heart.
Especially if you're looking for one.
Besides, you're only fourteen. You've got plenty of time for that along the way.

Sorry, I didn't even critique your poem.
It was very well written, and I could feel your frustration and overwhelming desire for a broken heart.
I could visualize a small child peeking out at the wonders of heartache and wishing for it.

So, kudos to you.

Yeah, I can see your point and I appreciate you input. But you've got to understand, the human race has such a wide range of emotions! Most people in the world don't realize how much potential we have. If we only experience joy, then we will take it for granted. If we experience the worst of pain and suffering, than the most simple of joys can seem like a miracle to us. If more of us were able to overcome things like broken hearts, then the happiness brought to us when those hearts are healed will be so joyful that we will better be able to bring joy to others. And better yet, we will be able empathize more thoroughly with others who are suffering, and help them to also have their hearts mended. I knew what I was saying when I wrote this poem, and I hope to someday own a broken heart, and have it patched by my closest friends.