Incorrect Asylum

The corruptiance of the courts
will file against the man
as retraction
of the lawful
finds a cleaner slate.

A stage set for the broken
failed morality and
saved immortality
proves distance enraging
between the great searching of meaning

Mr. Adams proves correctly,
The time wasted on answers,
lost from searching the correct question.
The truth unfolds
as the jaw tenderly drops at our feet.

The demolished systems
with incomplete resource
will find to be binded
and blinded
as realistic views enter stage right.

A clash of emotional distraught
the first closer comes to a pause
smoothly and cautiously
the world becomes wasted
on a television set.

When he burns his books
and tears the pages of life
where will he be in silence?
with no persons to control or contain,
man's patience has becomed automate.

Therefore,
nonexistant.

This is not a very clear poem from the beginning. It's as if it's too sparse to get its meaning across. Throughout the entire poem, I'm not sure what's being proven or demolished because there isn't really any basis given for these effects. I think the rest of the poem will iron itself out well enough if there were more premise from the beginning, and if there were more verbs and connections between lines/phrases.

Hello ,and thank you for the review.
I am at a point of cunfusion as to why you found it not very clear from the beginning as the poem's plot, if you will, as the line explains the outline in an utter straight-forward sense.
The corruption of the courts is reffering to, well, the corruption of the courts. The provoked corruptiance of the system. I could say it different ways, but it means what it says.
This is probably why you didn't understand the rest of the poem, for, I though that poems were a tool to become vauge and abstract similar to art of the masters.
For example, Tolkien's goal was to write a tale of which all people would be able to relate to at any given age at any given time. Instead of looking at it as a poem, try to look at it stanza by stanza, then line by line. I have found that looking at a line and understanding that more than anything else in the entire piece can happen much more often than one might think, so try it.
No I meant no offense in any of this, but this is how i was taught and I simply wanted you to find what I think of poems.

By the way, I would say that YOU think that this isn't a very clear poem, as opinions could matter in such a setting

Of course multiple ideas and opinions matter; that's the very nature of criticism. Maybe someone else will look at this poem and know exactly what you're trying to say. Maybe not. I'll try to explain what I mean a little more clearly:

From the first stanza, I understood it was a poem about corruption (even though "corruptiance" is, to my knowledge, not a word) in the legal system, but as the poem progressed, I became lost as to how it was a poem about corruption in the legal system. Most phrases aren't complete, so they don't mean much when singled out, let alone when taken as an entire poem.

The problem I had while reading it was that it sounded as if words were left out to sound "artsy" ("abstract similar to art of the masters"), but it just sounded fragmented and strung together, making it much less coherent (something that is not *always* necessary, but is often something to strive for).

I hope that cleared things up a little? I also hope that more people stop by to review this so you can have some more opinions!

Happy writing!

Hola!
I decided to fulfill Leja's wish and be another person to comment on this piece!

I too found this poem to be just a tad too confusing. I can see some valid points mixed in, but the way it's all worded makes it very difficult to see. You've obviously got some important things to say, but the line that keeps popping into my head is "If you can't convince them, confuse them."

After reading your reply to Leja's comment, I do understand what you mean, but speaking as a lover of simple things, I guess my best advice would just be to try make your points more clear, and less flowery, for lack of better word. Just because a word sounds pretty and sophistocated doesn't mean that it honestly works better.

All in all, a great idea! Keep at it!

Tootles!
~ Eden