This was a short story I wrote for a contest... but I've grown to like it so much, I wanted your opinions and reviews(:
“Ahh!” A piercing scream burst it’s way out my mouth. Being thrown around in the small compartment created tumbling butterflies in my stomach. I laughed and screamed as the gated door at one point showed the mid-evening sky, then the graveled ground at another. The ride came to a halt and I started to laugh, holding my stomach.
“Oh my gosh!” My friend, Mandy, laughed out loud as the small compartment of “The Zipper” rocked back and forth. “That was amazing!” The ride started to escalate downward as it unloaded each passenger.
I mingled my fingers through the gate, letting the butterflies die down. “Tess! Mandy! Are you guys up there?” We looked down at the ground through the gated door and saw our friend Seth standing tall and proud with the rest of our friends.
“Yeah!” I called out, smiling down. I stuck out as many fingers as I possibly could through the gate and wiggled them. Seth raised the same amount of fingers and wiggled them. I laughed and leaned back.
“So, as I was saying before the ride went haywire, we have to get Seth a bracelet!” Mandy talked using her hands. A bracelet in this case was an indication for a paper band that was taped around your wrist that allowed you to ride every ride at the fair how ever many times you pleased for only eighteen dollars.
“But who has the money?” I asked as the ride commander opened our gated door and we hoped out. I walked over to the exit and pushed through the gate.
“Hey guys!” Seth exclaimed as he hoped out in front of us. Mandy and I both jumped for the scare.
“Seth- how much money do you have?” Mandy asked as our group of friends walked aimlessly around the fair. Every once in a while I’d see someone from school and smile and wave at them.
“About… three dollars. Why?” Seth chuckled, checking his pockets.
“Never mind.” Mandy tucked some of her red hair behind her ears. I then went to fixing my curly brown locks, the rings on my fingers helping out to untangle any knots.
“Hey.” Seth wrapped an arm around my shoulders. I smiled up at him and pulled the sleeves of my brown jacket down over my hands. “Cold?”
“No. Not really, just feeling a little sick from the last ride.” I smiled, messing with the green and red beads that hung lose around my neck.
“Oh. How about we go on the Ferris wheel? It’s only two tickets, I have three dollars. That’s enough for…” Seth trailed off, trying to think.
“-four tickets, Seth. And sure, I wouldn’t mind.” I smiled and crossed my arms as we walked off to the ticket booth.
“Here we go!” Seth smiled as the bar latched down on our lap and the ride moved forward. It wasn’t long before we stopped again as more people were exiting and entering the ride.
“Yup!” I smiled, crossing my arms over my chest. The higher we got into the night sky, the more colder it go. Seth rested his head on my shoulder, the wind tussling his short brown hair.
“Can I tell you something?” Seth asked, looking out at the starry sky as we reached the top.
“Sure.” I smiled, looking out at the screaming kids on other rides.
“I think you have to be the most pretentious girl I know.” Seth laughed, resting his hand on my forearm.
“Pretentious? Really, me?” I asked, smiling at his word choice.
“Yeah. All the other girls around me are always hating on themselves. You just sit there and take it all in, trying your best to make them think differently. But, I have never heard you speak bad about yourself.” Seth smiled and grabbed my hand.
“Thank you.” I looked down at our hands and laughed. Suddenly the sky lit up bright white. “Heat lightening!” I gasped, scared. I ducked into Seth’s chest. I heard him chuckle and place an arm around me.
“Heat lightening isn’t effective as regular lightening, Tess. Calm down.” Seth rubbed my shoulder. I removed my head from his chest and looked up at the sky. Small water droplets made their way down onto my face. Every time one hit my face I blinked. As soon as I heard the thunder break out I jumped and looked at Seth who was starring intently at me. Then, in one swift motion, he pressed his lips against mine and the rain came pouring down over our heads.
I'm just trying to help...
