Twilight Fan Fiction

Edward smiled and put his arm around my waist. Even with all of the lights turned off and the curtains closed, I saw his beautiful face. I blinked and smiled back.

We were on his bed, body’s entwined like a flower on the stem. Much to my disappointment, we still had our clothes on.
Edward kissed my neck and then my lips. As always, little sparks flew through my body like fireworks on the 4th of July.

I kissed him back. It was like tasting sweet chocolate for the first time.

Suddenly, with a soft groan, Edward lifted me up off him and so softly pushed me, so I was lying on my back . Edward put his lips to my neck. They felt ice cool and I struggled to control my breathing. I felt his lips run up to my cheek, finally finding what they longed for—my lips. One hand moved down my leg-his lips never letting go of mine.

And then it was all a blur. All I remember was Edward kissing me like he never kissed me before. I thought of the time at the airport, when Edward kissed me as if he would never see me again.
No, this was not like that time. Edward was kissing me with such passion. His arms wrapped around my body so tight, I could barely breathe. But I didn’t care.

I wrapped my arms around him. His body was ice cold. I involuntarily shuddered.

Edward pulled back. He gazed at me with his beautiful eyes with a questioning look.
“Noooo,” I moaned. “What’s wrong?”

His questioning look turned to anger. “I’m sorry Bella.”

I looked at him disappointed and confused.

“I didn’t mean to get out of control,” He explained.

I giggled and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Please lose your control again,” I said and softly kissed his neck.

He pulled away again and I sighed with frustration.

“Isabella Marie Swan, don’t be so difficult,” He got off the bed. Then he smiled and cupped my face in his hands. “I’ll make it up to you after were married.”

“But that’s so long!” I protested.
He grinned. I pouted.

Then, realizing I wasn’t going to get my way, I flopped down on the king sized bed and sighed.

“Da da da dum,” I hummed. I imagined myself in a wedding dress and Edward so handsome in a tuxedo.

Then I giggled when I imagined Jessica Stanley, Mike Newton and Lauren Mallory from the seats, gaping at me like I lost my mind.

I smiled again. I was getting married to a vampire

you definitely got meyer's writing style down, which is hard for writers to do and I have seen many try and fail, but you got it.

this scene vaguely reminds me of the scene where Edward was trying to convince Bella the pluses of sleeping in a bed after she had slept on the couch in his room. I actually wouldn't have been able to tell the difference except the allusion to Bella getting married. THAT IS A GOOD Thing, since that is what you were trying to do.

good job, and i would like to see what you can write that isn't fan fiction. this piece really perked my interest and now i want to see what comes out of your own brain.

kudos!

I can completely see this fitting into one of the books somewhere, just one of those fluffy little scenes that all of us fans die for, and don't get alot of in the Twilight series.

You certainly did get her style of writing, and I like her shudders of passion

Much to my disappointment, I haven't read the twilight series yet.

Your story was well written and greatly described. And also you had used idioms which brought a great affect to the story.

see,

body’s entwined like a flower on the stem.

little sparks flew through my body like fireworks on the 4th of July.

It was like tasting sweet chocolate for the first time.

They were really good.

There were no mistakes as far as I can see.

But I have a question. Is Edward really a vampire.

So, your story was good. Really good.

Good luck.

Mmm, very nice once again. (I critiqued your other one too)

What you've written here is exactly like something Stephenie Meyer would have written! I can get over that.

Almost...too much.

It seems like there have been scenes almost word-for-word like this one in the Twilight sereies. *frowns* I'm puzzled.

Oh, well *shrugs* nice job, anyway. I love edward and bella - they're so good together, and all Twilight fanfic makes me dance.

Cheers!

~Kool

Are you like Meyer in disquise? That was very good. As some one said before me it really did remind me of one of those gushy scenes that make the books so edicting!

That was good!
I liked the descriptive similes and metaphors you used. It did sound a lot like the scene in eclipse. Maybe try to come up with a scene a bit more imaginative. I liked it though. Definitly sounds like a page out of one of the books.

Great Job!

i really like that your writing it really showed that they're so into each other!!!!

Berry wrote:
Suddenly, with a soft groan, Edward lifted me up off him and so softly pushed me, so I was lying on my back . Edward put his lips to my neck. They felt ice cool and I struggled to control my breathing. I felt his lips run up to my cheek, finally finding what they longed for—my lips. One hand moved down my leg-his lips never letting go of mine.

If I were Bella I would have fainted already lol XD

Like everyone has already said, you did capture Stephs style really well.

Twas good.

Berry wrote:Edward smiled and put his arm around my waist. Even with all of the lights turned off and the curtains closed, I saw his beautiful face. I blinked and smiled back.

Good start.

We were on his bed, body’s entwined like a flower on the stem.

It's not "body's" it's "bodies". Apostrophe not needed.

Much to my disappointment, we still had our clothes on.

Ha!

little sparks flew through my body like fireworks on the 4th of July.

This simile is overdone.

Suddenly, with a soft groan, Edward lifted me up off him and so softly pushed me, so I was lying on my back . Edward put his lips to my neck. They felt ice cool and I struggled to control my breathing. I felt his lips run up to my cheek, finally finding what they longed for—my lips. One hand moved down my leg-his lips never letting go of mine.

Wow. Very well described.

And then it was all a blur.

Never start a sentence with a conjunction.

. I thought of the time at the airport, when Edward kissed me as if he would never see me again.

Redundant. Nix.

Edward was kissing me with such passion. His arms wrapped around my body so tight, I could barely breathe.

Make this into one sentence.

But I didn’t care.

Never start a sentence with a conjunction.

I involuntarily shuddered.

Switch the two last words around.

“Noooo,” I moaned. “What’s wrong?”

Use proper English, and limit yourself to one "o" in the "No." It makes you seem immature Sorry.

. “I’m sorry Bella.”

Comma after sorry.

I looked at him disappointed and confused.

Comma after him.

“I’ll make it up to you after were married.”

After "we're"

He grinned. I pouted.

Redundant.


This was good, you've captured her style well.

--Sarah

xxx

Much to my disappointment, we still had our clothes on.

That was the most Bellaish thing I have ever heard! I laughed out loud when I read that. You have Stephanie's writing style down really well! It's really hard to to say anything bad about Twilight fan fiction, I love Edward too much. The "Nooo" thing did make you seem a little bit inexpierenced. All and all, very good.

like everyone said, you captured Steph's style really well, but one thing I saw that didn't fit in well with the actual books, was that Bella didn't seem that opposed to getting married in this one.

“Da da da dum,” I hummed. I imagined myself in a wedding dress and Edward so handsome in a tuxedo.


Then I giggled when I imagined Jessica Stanley, Mike Newton and Lauren Mallory from the seats, gaping at me like I lost my mind.


I smiled again. I was getting married to a vampire

See? in the book, she would be mortified, thinking about the people seeing her get married, but here she's loving it. I just thought it didn't seem Bella-ish.

but everything else was really good, style wise and everything.

ERM, i totally adore twilight and I've read that book about a thousand times, I'm not afraid to admit it but doesn't it sound quite like a scene in one of the chapter?
Anyway, some of the descriptive words you used is quite good!! I would really want to read more but make sure the story isn't that similar to the book!!
I know you can do it, I'll be xpeecting to see it soon,
No offence though.