Ann Ross ( a Cinderella Story) I

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This was an assignment for Geography ( don't ask) and I was just going to post it. I might decide to split it in half (two parts) because it's 12 pages long....

In an area on the outskirts of London, near the Thames River in England, lived a middle-aged couple with no children. However, one day to their great joy, Ross Walter and his wife Flora, found out they were about to have a child.
He and Flora began to plan for their baby’s future. Ross worked extra hard for money, even took another job to aid his family while Flora was served like a queen.
Every Thursday Ross would come home with seventy pounds and save half for the baby. Flora always smiled whenever Ross would come home with a bouquet of imported sunflowers, her favorite flower. This truly made her feel like a queen.
One rainy in autumn the husband came home, coughing and hacking. He had to stop working for weeks and he didn’t get any better.
He began to become delusional and very weak. He could barely sit up. A couple days later he died.
His wife, now alone with their unborn baby, became very grief-stricken and never could sleep.
She insisted her sister, Beatrice Conner, stay to help her. Beatrice arrived in a green bonnet and neck tight gown with two leather cases in her hands.
On a warm day in late May, Flora had given birth to the most beautiful baby the town had ever seen. She named it Ann Ross.
With the money that her husband saved she managed a savings for tuition at one of the finest boarding schools in England, the one she had gone to when she was a young girl.
When Ann Ross was five years old she heard her mother crying softly in her room in her chair with a book.
“Mommy, why are you crying?” she hesitantly asked as she creaked the door open. Her mother looked at her with red eyes and smiled.
“I’m just reading my favorite story when I was a girl. I cry when I read this silly thing. I wanted to read it to you but I still think you’re too young,” Flora sneezed.
Ann Ross slowly approached and then began to whine that she was as grown up as any of the other children in the town.
Reluctantly her mother read her the story of Cinderella, the most glorious story Ann Ross had ever heard.
She hugged her mom goodnight.
Ann Ross began school at the age of six with her tuition fees paid for until she left at age eighteen.
On her first day she stood at the tall oak doors with her cases surrounding her. She wore the uniform, a white blouse and dark blue skirt and was immediately enthralled by the schools immense hallways.
She came home during Christmas holiday for three weeks and a summer one for five weeks.
She enjoyed coming home and dipping her feet into a shallow area on the Thames River with her mother’s Cinderella story when her mother was sleeping.
“Happily ever after… they all lived happily ever after,” she repeated.
When Ann Ross had turned twelve and had come for Christmas holiday something unexpected and dreadful happened. Her mother was now terribly ill. She couldn’t get out of bed, couldn’t feed herself or even change. She was an empty vase and the sunflowers had died. She had no hope of getting better; she just sat there, day in and day out reading Cinderella over and over.
“Aunt Beatrice,” Ann Ross questioned one day, “Is mother going to be alright?”
Aunt Beatrice gazed upward and nodded.
One day at school Miss Gretchen Willow, the new headmistress of the school, marched into Ann Ross’s class and ordered the thirteen year old to follow her.
The clacking of Miss Willow’s heels was followed by the silent, curious pitter-patter of Ann Ross’s shoes. Miss Willow opened her office, marched to her desk, took a seat, and motioned for Ann Ross to take one as well.
“Ann Ross Walter, I have brought you here today to tell you of your mothers passing,” she informed without emotion, “Your Aunt Beatrice, has taken the money from your tuition here at my school to use for the funeral. I will give you a week off to go visit your family during the upcoming funeral. When you get back, however, there is still much more to be discussed.”
Ann Ross sat there, thinking. She knew her mother was sick, but she didn’t think she would die at all. She was terribly heartbroken but left the office without a tear until she fell on her bed and mourned until she fell asleep.
She arrived on a crisp morning at the cemetery. She found her Aunt Beatrice. She looked grave.
“Dear, I know how much your mother meant to you. You meant so much to her as well. Here-” she handed two rings and the Cinderella book to Ann Ross- “She wanted you to have these. After your father passed she wore his wedding ring, and now you shall wear both. Carry on their spirits, I’m too weak.”
It rained that day, dark clouds meandering around the skies with a gentle breeze swaying trees that would soon die too.
After a week of crying Ann Ross returned to her school, only to find her room empty with a notice to report to the headmistress’s office.
She walked down the long corridor and to the office where Miss Willow was. She had a strict look on he face and was pacing back and forth in her office.
“Oh, Ann Ross Walter, you have returned,” she faked a gasp.
“What is the meaning of this?” Ann Ross asked. The headmistress sat down.
“As I informed you, your Aunt Beatrice has taken your tuition fees and used them for the funeral. I was reluctant you let you return, but I knew your aunt wouldn’t want to care for you. Out of the kindness of my heart, I have decided to keep you here in my school, except you can’t learn anything. You must do the chores of the maids and cooks to earn your living here. You will be given a maid’s uniform and will report to the kitchen at six o’clock sharp. Come along to your new room,” Miss Willows handed her a uniform, got up, and walked out of the room with Ann Ross following her.
Silently Ann was lead to a building she had never seen: The servant’s quarter.
The building was black, wooden with paint peeling off, and bars on the windows. There were messy hedges in need of trimming and a thin fence bordering it from a taller brick wall.
“Here’s a key for the door. I find it amusing that we hire them to keep the school clean and they do a splendid job but they don’t do the least to care for their home. They’re poor sewer rats, just like you,” Miss Willows gave a sinister sneer and clacked away to her office. Ann Ross stood there, staring at her new “home” for a long time.
Four years passed of pot scrubbing for seventeen year old Ann Ross: even during holidays. Ann Ross had now grown into a fine girl, with thick brunette hair, and a pleasant smile. She didn’t talk since the day that she was forced to work here.
One day Miss Willows, who was now beginning to sprout gray hairs, ordered Ann Ross to go to the market for produce. Ann Ross grabbed a large basket and set out to the market.
Outside was nippy and all Ann Ross had was a cloak and a bonnet. No mittens, no gloves, and no respect while she browsed for fresh vegetables. She got the dirty looks from the upper class citizens but she didn’t mind, she just smiled. She was used to this treatment from Miss Willows.
The sun had begun to shine as she walked down another cobblestone road and gazed at Big Ben, London’s most treasured sight.
On the exact same day, from Buckingham Palace, rode Prince Donovan. He wasn’t dressed up in his usual apparel he was disguised. Every once in a while he would borrow worn out clothes, scruff up his hair, and take a little joy ride through London on the back of his chef’s wagon.
On this particular day, as he passed Big Ben he saw her: a girl with the chestnut hair swaying in the breeze.
“James, halt the carriage,” Donovan hopped off the carriage and headed towards the girl.
He stood within arms length of her and immediately, as far as Donovan was concerned, she was by far, the most beautiful girl in the whole of England. He stood behind her and watched her hair wave with the wind.
She turned around and bumped into him. Donovan began to pick up some of her vegetables.
“I apologize, I shouldn’t have been standing behind you,” Donovan said. She nodded. When the basket was refilled he offered to walk her home
“So, what is your name?” Donovan asked as they began to walk. She just shrugged.
“It’s ok, my name is,” he started slowly, “Prince Donovan.” Ann Ross took a step back and became suspicious.
“I come here dressed in common clothes so I don’t attract attention to myself,” Donovan wondered why she didn’t speak.
“I want you to come to a gala this Friday. It’s a formal event. Arrive to the palace by six o’clock,” Donovan informed. Ann Ross smiled gently and eyes shined as the sun vanished slowly and walked the gates.




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Okay... I can't help myself. Why did you write this for geography? XD

Usually I would nitpick the story and quote it, etc., etc., but unluckily for you, that won't be the case. There were just too few grammar mistakes for that to be worth my time. However, I will say this: I think delusional is the wrong word for Ross's condition.

Now! For the story!

I didn't like your paragraphing. Now, you might say to yourself, "What paragraphing?" In which I would reply, "Exactly." There is none. You simply seperated the sentences and forgot paragraphing. The result was something that read like "See Spot Run." Or should I say, "See. Spot. Run." Because of this lack of paragraphing, your sentences seemed short and awkward and, unfortunately for you, it almost made me stop.

Now, I'm not quite sure why you didn't put any paragraphs in it, but I will go on a little bit about paragraphing. Whenever something different happens which you want to spend time on, change it. What can this "something different" be? Dialogue, setting, introduction, characters, you name it. Anything that you want to spend time on, do it. For example:

"And what do you say to that?"

I paused, squinting at the golf course flags popping out of the green. I shuffled in these strange shoes and frowned. Just in the distance I could see my ball glinting in the sun -- a perfect shot -- only to fall into a lake nearby. I chewed some gum and looked his scowling face.

"Does this mean I have to play more?"


And now, just to be annoying, let's outline it!

Dialogue. I want the question to sound sharp so I leave it by itself. Plus, I don't have to describe the character that much. You can imagine what the character looks like just because of the dialogue. Cool, huh? If I wanted to I could put a "he said" behind that, but as it doesn't need it, I won't bother.

The description of the horrible shot and the setting. I want it to sound magnificent at first and then gradually the image in your mind falls flat. Because I want the patheticness of the shot to ring through, I leave it off with more description, this time confirming that the first guy who talked was indeed scowling.

Dialogue. This time I want the speaker, the narrator, is talking. In this particular paragraph, I want this question to sound dull and bored. I leave it off without any description (any more description might kill the effect) and hope the reader knows better.


You're not going to do that with every paragraph that you do, but you should at least keep it in mind.

Oh yeah, most likely you're nodding off to sleep and thinking, "Geez Snoink, I knew this already. Stop boring me." I suppose I am overdoing it, but as I am completely weird, I beg you to forgive me.

Er... what else?

So far it's interesting. It seems to be a combination of "A Little Princess" and "Cinderella." But I think you can develop the headmistress's dialogue a little bit more or at least make it a bit more interesting. Headmistresses are so fun to write for and I'm surprised you didn't take advantage of that.

Good luck... I'll read the other one later.
Ubi caritas est vera, Deus ibi est.

"The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly." ~ Richard Bach

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Easy the Rohweller wanted to see how stupid these would turn out. She always does that and some people always end up doing good*cough* everyone else like Alex,Liz,Colton,etc. always do worst because the projects are pieces of crap and she knows that she will be able to run every ounce of energy out because we would be up shaking some nights perfecting them then forgetting(maybe not them but me yes).Also she would make us worry about 16 page test that wont do us any better. Alex Colton Liz or Kaitlyn if you tell her i said this you will.......forget it just shes evil and i have no friggin clue why we had to do this.
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'London, near the Thames River in England,'

Duh. Anyone with at least half an IQ point would know where the Thames is.

'She enjoyed coming home and dipping her feet into a shallow area on the Thames River '

*this applies to historical fiction, but in all the books I've read around this area, the Thames is disgusting. Might be different now...ask Jack. He'd know :P*

' She was an empty vase and the sunflowers had died.'

I'm a clod of dirt and my neighbor likes cake. Liz, you can't just stick random phrases together...tut tut. :P

'“Dear, I know how much your mother meant to you. '

Everyone's mother means something to them...good or bad...

'“Oh, Ann Ross Walter, you have returned,” she faked a gasp.
“What is the meaning of this?” Ann Ross asked. The headmistress sat down.
“As I informed you, your Aunt Beatrice has taken your tuition fees and used them for the funeral. I was reluctant you let you return, but I knew your aunt wouldn’t want to care for you. Out of the kindness of my heart, I have decided to keep you here in my school, except you can’t learn anything. You must do the chores of the maids and cooks to earn your living here. You will be given a maid’s uniform and will report to the kitchen at six o’clock sharp. Come along to your new room,” Miss Willows handed her a uniform, got up, and walked out of the room with Ann Ross following her.'

Hey, that's a pretty cool twist of fate, eh? The delivery was awkward. If you want to make your headmistress cruel and heartless, make her so. This has absolutely no emotion in it, which...for the mistress, sometimes works, but not now.


Cool idea. IS THE PRINCE HOT??????

*ahem* anyways...seeee ya!
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Well Sam some people don't have IQ's. Like Llamas and Toads. I'll post more later, I'm way too tired to think now.




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LLAMAS DO TOO HAVE IQS!!!!!!!!
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Snoink, you are absolutely correct. It was a bit like the LIttle Princess, considering it was one of my most favorite movies EVER. I did read the book but it confused me... but when I saw the movie I was amazed. I do think that they changed a lot of things though, and it was sad when her dad came back but dint remember her (movie). Of course, there wasn't anybody here waiting for her but the Prince.... Prince Donovan (nudge nuudge). I should send yyou some points Snoink because you guessed my combination :D Anyway I am positive I did put some sort of Paragraphs but I think that it didn't show on this... I mean it was pretty late and I forgot I had to press Enter to form new paragraphs. DANG!




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i liked it because it was way better then mine do i dare post mine?
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I DOUBLE DOG LLAMA BOB BIG MAMA GEORGE TIME DOG DARE YOU!!!!




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Funny how you worded your story, your style seems to vary as it goes on.
juste essayer

La fin d'ordinaire, et vous ne verriez pas ce que vient.

Comment bon il s'avérera être..



Very well; I hear; I admit, but I have a voice too, and for good or evil mine is the speech that cannot be silenced.
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