Imagine a world...

2 posts
User avatar
Gender Male
Points 1172
Reviews 112
I'm just experimenting with form and structure here - :D

Imagine for a moment,
someone loves you,
that you are beloved.

...You will never be the same again.

Imagine all memories,
change into something,
else entirely - new.

...Some how distorted in soft focus.

Imagine that the world,
could always be like this,
reaching everyone here.

...An embrace welcoming all creeds.

Imagine death came not,
to the doors of the good,
letting the wicked perish.

...That he did his purpose as it should.

Imagine that this poem,
would never run through,
an infinite ream of verse.

...Living in a world with only imaginings ~
Is our only option,
for my musings
will never come true.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 68
Hey!

Alright, so I'm not really good at critiquing poetry, I just like to read it so I'm sorry I don't really have much to say that's constructive, there was just one thing which i thought I'd suggest...

Imagine all memories,
change into something,
else entirely - new.


I think you should put 'new' onto it's own line entirely so it's something like:

change into something
else entirely-
new

That way the structure of the stanza reflects what the line is saying. The way the line flows into the next seems to show how it's changing, and then by putting 'new' on it's own line it gives more on impact and a sense of something new

Just a thought :D like I said though poetry isn't really my thing so all that could be complete rubbish haha. I enjoyed reading it though.

Sofi.
'Don't you just love these long rainy afternoons in New Orleans when an hour isn't just an hour but a little bit of Eternity dropped into your hands- and who knows what to do with it?'
T.W.



Who's the more foolish, the fool, or the fool who follows him?
— Obi-Wan Kenobi