Muse Gone

Muse Gone

You never gave me hope
you never gave me expectation
I simply gave you love
my unconditional love
I do not know how it didn’t work
you had it all, everything
I loved you beyond reason
even I did not understand
it truly was unconditional
there were no excuses.

Muse, our teacups are broken.
Did you have to push the shelf over?

Begging, begging,
don’t leave me alone,
don’t leave me alone.
I feel myself sinking, sinking
without you holding my hand.
I can’t be alone.
I can’t be alone!
How many times do I have to tell you,
I’ll drown without
that mirror of love.

Porcelain, my exterior may be,
but rock solid are my emotions.
I only give what I want seen.
And I gave it all to you.
All that matters is I gave it all to you.

Rocks, rocks at my head.
Rock, rock back and forth.
This rhythm, this comforting rhythm
may be the only thing holding together
these pieces of me surely aren’t glued tight enough

A rag doll.
I feel like a rag doll.
Made of cheap materials.
I was well loved by you.
Patched many, many times.
A little worse for wear,
now you toss me aside.

A ragdoll or a mannequin.
A broken mannequin.
Broken like this poem.
Broken like me.
Phantom arms hugging me,
the only things that keep me from falling apart.

Tears, rush, tears,
rhythm, rocking, shattered,
tea cups, arms, hugs, kisses, loving,
songs, singing,
minds, crashing,
deepest, collision,
forever, broken,
symbols, muse,
gone.








I didn't like this at first. But looking over it again, I think it works. There's plenty of symbolism that means something in particular to me, but it's easily translatable. Some of it, like the tea cups line, relates to other poems of mine, just as a note. Also, note the punctuation. I was very particular about it in this because it conveys the way it is to be read. I suppose this would come out to it's full effect as a performance piece as the way I hear it in my head, but there's no way to really do that here. Well, enough talking. Please indulge me with your thoughts on this, even if you hated it. Thanks!

~Yoyo

Muse, our teacups are broken.

Did you have to push the shelf over?

im sure this has personal meaning but i thought the slight change in tone was a good move.

I absolutely enjoyed this work. i have no protests in this work other than a personal prejudice against black angst poems. i understand where your coming from, trust me, i just have an ugly bias against bitter break up poems. its probably because im a bit of a coward when it comes to baring my teenage nervous system.

keep it right up.

Me again! I seem to have developed a habit for reviewing your poetry.

I thought this was brilliant and there was only one minor point I'd change, which I'll get to once I tell you everything I liked!

I did wonder about punctuation in the first stanza, then when it appeared afterwards I realised it had to be deliberate, so thanks for clarifying that in your note.

Muse, our teacups are broken.
Did you have to push the shelf over?

I really liked these lines, and the reference to another of your poems.

Begging, begging,
don’t leave me alone,
don’t leave me alone.
I feel myself sinking, sinking
without you holding my hand.
I can’t be alone.
I can’t be alone!

I like your use of repetition - it never becomes too much. You even worked some subtle rhyming in there with 'me alone' and 'be alone'. I like how the exclamation mark signals the desperation coming into the poem. I like the link between 'sinking' and 'I'll drown', however the image 'mirror of love' confused me a little.

Porcelain, my exterior may be,
but rock solid are my emotions.
I only give what I want seen.
And I gave it all to you.
All that matters is I gave it all to you.

I love this stanza, but I think 'I only give what I want you to see' or 'I only give what I want to be seen' would sound better.

I think from the next stanza until the end is amazing. Can I be extra pernickety and say I'd add a comma here: 'Rock, rock, back and forth'? 'A little worse for wear' was very effective because the phrase obviously has connotations of drunkenness and the speaker begins to sound like they're in that state.

I love all the imagery and repetition and disintegration of the voice - it was just brilliant!

Thanks for the wonderful review! I'm glad you liked and and caught the change in voice through the poem. That's the major element I want people to see there.

~Yoyo