The Dark Goddess [8]

Thank you to all of you who have the patience to read my work and I appreciate your critiques!

The fragrant scent of orchids and saltwater wafted through Josette’s open window. A shaft of warm sunlight made the dust dance and sparkle, as Jo stretched her weary limbs. Her stomach twisted in hunger, urging her out of the bed. Jo crossed over to the window, which provided a clear view of the docks. Josette searched for the dark-colored brigantine and felt an unexpected wave of relief when she saw her Father’s ship.
Her ship. It was hers, now that her father was dead. Josette turned away from the window, fighting the depression that sought to overtake her. She needed to be strong. That is what her father would expect of her and Josette would never let her father down. Repressing any doubt, Jo dressed in her black britches, loose ivory shirt, brown leather boots and weathered black tri-cornered hat. She hid a mean-looking dagger into one of her boots and strapped on her brown leather scabbard that held her steel cutlass. A small pistol was tucked into her pants and the rest of her belongings shoved into a burlap sack.
Downstairs in the tavern of the inn, she was served a simple breakfast of crusty bread and watery porridge along with a chunk of sharp cheddar. Washing it down with a pint of mead, Jo felt strengthened by the presence of her weapons and a full stomach. Pegg was probably already waiting for her at the boat. Had William managed to get the posters made as he had promised? Jo wondered just how well this plot would work out.
What if hordes of men showed up only to discover that the Captain was female? Would they turn away the instant they were told that Jo would be their head of command? And what of the other men who had deserted her so readily? What if they tried to thwart her efforts? What if one of these nights in port they decided to steal the Dark Goddess? She would talk with Pegg about guarding the ship. The Dark Goddess was all Jo had left.
As Jo made her way down to the docks, she watched the city come to life. Although drunks and animal feces littered the cobblestone roads, shopkeepers still carted out their wares. They displayed their goods, kicking at men who were passed out in front of their doorways. Jo could smell fresh bread being pulled out of the bakery’s oven and in the distance she could hear the metallic musical of the blacksmith’s hammer on his iron anvil. The prostitutes with their overly made-up faces were replaced by much simpler looking women, servants dumping out chamber pots or going to the marketplace to buy fresh produce.
The Dark Goddess was bustling with activity when Jo arrived. Heng and Joshua were busily making repairs, while Pegg and George went over what supplies they would need to replenish. Samuel was caulking the plank seams with oakum to keep the ship water tight. William was sitting on a barrel, stewing over a piece of parchment. He jumped up when he spotted Jo.
“Where is Freddie?” Jo questioned.
William shrugged. “Hasn’t shown up yet.”
“You finish those posters, yet?” Jo demanded, motioning towards the paper in William’s hand.
“No, we have to figure out the reward we’ll be offering and also how many posters we should make. I’ve figured there are about forty-five taverns in all of Port Royal and we could hang a poster in each one.”
Jo whistled. “That’s a hell of a lot of posters. Let‘s do half that, and then hope we can create some interest through word of mouth.”
“And the reward?” William trailed her as she strode towards her cabin.
“Leave that up to me, I shall have a figure before the mid-day meal. Meanwhile, why don’t you get started on those posters? I don’t want to spend more than four days in port.”
“Yes, Captain.” William nodded, turning on his heel.
“Pegg!” Jo shouted.
Pegg glanced up from the paper he was studying. “Aye?”
“Where the hell is Freddie?” His absence was starting to make her nervous. What if he had changed his mind about where his loyalties lay?
“I’m right here.” Freddie growled.
Jo snapped her head in his direction and was surprised to find him flanked by four other men and a young boy. “What is the meaning of this?” She crossed over to the strangers, her hand on her sword.
“Just some fresh recruits.” Freddie grinned crookedly.
Jo sized the men up. They all looked to be strong and able. But were they willing. “What’s your name?” She demanded of the small boy.
“Mi-Michael,” he stammered.
“You ever sailed before?”
He straightened up, daring enough to give her a glare. “I worked on my Papa’s boat for three years.”
“So why aren’t you with your father?”
“I ran away.” Michael replied proudly.
She turned to the other men. “You willing to serve under me?”
“Long as there’s food and the booty is good.” One man answered. He shamelessly stared at her breasts.
Her dagger was out of her boot and pressed against his throat before he could blink. “You might be wanting to rethink the way you look at me. Otherwise, the only way you’d be serving me is as an eunuch.”
“A what?” Michael asked, his eyes big.
“She means to cut off his manhood.” Pegg supplied, laughter in his voice.
“You understand?” Jo asked. The man nodded, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Now, if you men really want to be serving on the Dark Goddess, I suggest you get to work.” She put her knife back in her boot. “Pegg, give these men something to do.”

What if hoards of men

Hoarding is for treasure, Horde is for men.

What if one of these nights in port they decided to steal the Dark Goddess?

Um yeah, on that note, why are there no guards on the ship?

Her Father’s ship was all Jo had left. She had nothing else.

The second sentence has to add something that isn't said in the first. Perhaps merely emphasise that she's alone.

the history of mankind

"perhaps the greater scheme of things"? if not, make a reference to the father's death and him being lost and forgotten, that's always fun.

It was hers now, now that her Father was dead.

Here’s an opportunity to show Jo’s emotions. As stated, it is lacking in this story. How does Jo feel about her father being dead? Does she experience an instant of pain, or what? Also, I don't like the two now's in there. Reword.

Josette turned away from the window fighting the depression that sought to overtake her.

Comma after window.

That is what her Father would expect of her and Josette would never let her father down.

Comma after her.

Repressing any doubt Jo dressed in her black britches, loose ivory shirt, brown leather boots and weathered black tri-cornered hat.

Comma after doubt.

She hid a mean looking dagger into one of her boots and strapped on her brown leather scabbard that held her steel cutlass.

Should be small dash between mean and looking. Also, comma after boots.


I got tired of pointing out missing commas. I gave up after scanning the rest of the chapter and seeing that basically every sentence was missing one.

Sentence structure was bad in this chapter. Really jerky and abrupt. Try to expand and link some of the short sentences.

As far as my opinion to the chapter, it wasn’t your best. It was – not trying to be harsh but wanting to be honest – dull. I know you wanted to point out Jo’s insecurities and musings, but you shoved it all in a few paragraphs Add a little action, and spread what you have in this chapter throughout the story.

Good luck with editing and writing.

Hello Moira,

Just a couple of quick observations:

1) I think the fact that Jo is quick to call her father insane/daft/etc is tad bit too harsh, especially since it was clear in the intro that she idolized her father (in fact worshipped him almost) so it felt too ... drastic to revere him one minute and then go off on a tangent and think of him as crazy and daft. Perhaps she finds the idea of his map a tad bit ... loony but I think there were a few instances where she said that 'he' himself must have lost his marbles. Soooo... yeah. That's one thing.


2) I know we've all ready stories about women dressed in men's attire in a historical era. But ordinarily, in such instances, she would have been either sneaking off in the middle of the night thus requiring the change in wardrobe for mobility (hoping that no one would see her). Or... she would have been playing 'dress up'. In this point in time, women in pants = a big No No. It would not be easily overlooked, thats for sure. So if your herione is to wear such clothing, perhaps in scenes where she's interacting with local people at the Port, she could face a lot of criticizim from men and laughter from the women. Think about it - she would have appeared rather ridiculous. (and I suppose the women would have been equally so - which you did touch upon ).


3) Also, having Jo see to the bartering of the goods? Another No No. Men would not deal with a women. Especially in matters of trade and finance. Perhaps she could be faced with a bit more trouble before they all fall in line and accept her as a trademens for barter. Or, she hands the reigns over to someone she trusts...Pegg perhaps? Or they partner up together. I would also think that some of them would try to swindle her for a lower price and in essence 'rob' her of the items true value, hoping that she 'being a woman' wouldn't know any better.


Jo is a woman living in a mans world. She's bound to face obsticles every minute of every day, especially on how she chooses to live her life. If she's pushing twenty (which I imagine she is) then she would have been expected to have been married and ready to pop out her first to second child by now. Imagine the hassle, the looks, the gossip, the backstabbing, the complete and utter NIGHTmare she'd be forced to endure? Certainly would be exhausting to say the least Hence why I am sure many women who wanted to play in a mans game opted to pretend to be men themselves - it just made life easier.


Aside from the above, I think you definately have an interesting piece. Looking forward to the next installment.