Don't Wanna Be (edited)

I don't wanna be
Just another echo (an echo)
Or just another girl to you

I know you say you love me,
You tell me I'm your everything.
And I know you want to hold me,
But that might not mean anything.

I don't wanna be just another echo
An echo, oh baby
Or just another girl to you

See girls, we come and go
Now tell me something I don't know.
Baby boy, you told me how you feel,
Now prove that what you feel is real.

I don't wanna be just another echo
An echo, oh baby
Or just another girl to you

Cause baby,
If you don't wanna hit the floor
Then show me that I'm something more

Quick, before we hit the floor,
Baby show me that I'm something more
To you.

I've changed it around a little to make it more like the song I wrote it as. I know that its short, you don't need to remind me of that. I would love to hear your imput and suggestions on how it could be better. Let me know what you think. Thanks.

I felt there were some parts where I could easily imagine the lyrics as song lyrics and someone resonating them, and then there were other parts were I felt like it was good poetry but I couldn't see someone singing them. This is very good poetry.

I know you say you love me,
You tell me I'm your everything.
And I know you want to hold me,
But that might not mean anything.

Like this^ part was really good, don't get me wrong, but I couldn't envision it within the realm of the song as a whole, or someone singing them. It's a real good stanza for a poem though.

See girls, we come and go -- I'd take out see in this, b/c it sounded better to me as a song lyric.

This is good. I can see most of it as a song within instrumentals, but song lyrics are the hardest to say anything about when just reading them on paper, b/c you could have lyrics that make sense to no one, but some how with certain instruments, melodies, and tuning, those once song lyrics that made no sense reading on paper, they come together and they're somehow understood.

Here I am! (About to attempt to put my poor little thougths into words) Good Luck. ^.^

I know you say you love me,
You tell me I'm your everything.
And I know you want to hold me,
But that might not mean anything.

I think I would have taken out the 'and'. It sounds better without it.

Cause baby,
If you don't wanna hit the floor
Then show me that I'm something more

Quick, before we hit the floor,
Baby show me that I'm something more
To you.

I think this part was just beautiful.

Over all, I don't see how you could improve it. Though, I do agree with Victerno about cutting out the 'see'. This poem really has that feel to it that makes me think it must sound amazing as a song. I like the message in it. Good work.

Thank you. I get where you guys are coming from with saying that some parts didn't seem to fit well as song lyrics. You're right though, it's hard to know when you can't hear the tune of the song. I actually have the tune of the song all figured out and thats what I wrote the lyrics to. Um... I think if you listen to the song "Echo" by Vertical Horizon it would give you somewhat of an idea as to the tune. I changed it around but in general it might help you get at least somewhat of an idea.