The Mirror

The Mirror

So you're staring at the frame again,
memorising the way you used to smile and laugh,
because, lately, they seem to have gone.

"What changed?"
"What made the smiles fade?"
"What upsets you?"
"What makes you cry?"
And as usual the reflection from the mirror won't give you the answers.

So you're staring at the razor again,
memorising the way it glides across your skin,
making the blood release your pain.

"Why did you do that?"
"Does it make it all better?
"It's stupid."
"You're stupid!"
And as usual the reflection from the mirror won't give you the answers.

So you're staring at the pills again,
memorising how they've helped you sleep,
maybe now they'll help you sleep forever.

"Just go ahead!"
"Take the easy way out!"
"You're pathetic!"
"I'm sick of trying to help you."
This time the reflection from the mirror is staring back at you.

And with one drink the room is gone,
and the only thing that remains is the mirror,
looking for it's next victim.

Very nice. I really liked it. While reading it I could picture in my mind what was going on. I don't really have suggestions. I do think that it could use something...more, but I'm not sure what. I guess I'm no help on that. I did want to let you know that I think this is a great poem. Yeah, it has the "emo" style, but there's nothing wrong with that. It's a moving piece. Well written and strong. Keep up the good work.

"the seem to have gone." -- just a typo, need to add a y

I liked that I couldn't tell if the poet was there watching someone experience this in front of the mirror, or if it was the poet herself (I'm assuming your female lol) experiencing this.


I kinda of liked the whole emo thing, even though I'm not a big fan of it. There was just something about the writing that made me feel sympathetic.


The only thing that I really didn't like and thought the piece could've done without was this:
It's stupid."
"You're stupid!"

I especially like the ending of this, and the whole thing with the mirror as this absolute indifferent killer was very deep. Loved that.


"So you're staring at the razor again,
memorising the way it glides across your skin,
making the blood release your pain."
This was disturbing, but it it fit well in the poem, and disturbing doesn't throw me off that much.

Really after I read this and am writing this I still can't truly say why I liked it so much, because I generally don't like emo, but this was very good.

Hmm...
If you were going for depressing, then you nailed it.

you spelled memorizing wrong, but it doesn't really matter
speaking of, you could use remembering instead of memorizing
unless its happening at that moment
just an idea

The first few lines were very powerful and something that everyone can relate to

It kind of confused me when you said drink
'cause I thought you were talking about pills
but maybe I'm just slow like that

All in all, great poem

I really loved this poem...It has a ver deep meaning and actually made me sit and think.

So you're staring at the pills again,
memorising how they've helped you sleep,
maybe now they'll help you sleep forever

and the only thing that remains is the mirror,
looking for it's next victim.

love these lines!!
well, I'd try and point out a few mistakes but I can't seem to find any! although I did not understan the following line.

And with one drink the room is gone,

are you trying to say that she drinks (water) to swallow the pil??

anyways It was a good one, enjoyed reading it...keep up the good work!

Hey, thanks to everyone for reviewing. It really means a lot to hear what other writer's think of my work.

I know there are a couple of mistakes, such as the word 'memorising' as listeningforthemuse mentioned. The reason I spelt it that way is because that's how it came up in my dictionary i.e. the British spelling. Wasn't sure if that really applied or not, but thanks for pointing it out.

And in the last stanza: "And with one drink the room is gone," what I was trying to get across was the image of the 'victim' taking her overdose i.e. the image of someone drinking the tablets from the bottle. Sorry if it wasn't clear enough, sometimes I don't take the time to think things through properly.

Anyway, thanks again. Hopefully more folks will give me some reviews too.

I meant to critique this before and only just realised I hadn't! Although now I'm glad that I waited a while because I think it's one of these poems that gets better the more you read it.

So you're staring at the frame again,
memorising the way you used to smile and laugh,
because, lately, they seem to have gone.

I like how the first word is 'so' - it emphasises that this is a repeated action and means we're coming into the middle of a situation, which is a good way to begin.

However, my first suggestion, which you might hate since it's a recurring point throughout the poem, is changing 'memorising'. It's not a misspelling, it is the British spelling, so don't worry about that; it's the actual sense of the word that isn't quite right. Like listeningforthemuse said, something along the lines of 'remembering' or 'recalling' would work better, because that seems to be what you actually mean.

Being extra picky, you could rephrase the last line. You use 'the way you used to smile and laugh' and the next pronoun should really refer to 'the way', however 'they' is obviously meant to refer to the smiles and laughter that have disappeared. It jars the tiniest bit when read. You could say 'recalling the smiles and laughter, because, lately, they seem to have faded'. (I think you could even get rid of the commas around 'lately' to improve pace, but that's maybe not grammatically correct. I can't be certain.) I swapped the verb 'gone' because it isn't particularly strong, though obviously there are hundreds of other alternatives.

And, as usual, the reflection from the mirror won't give you the answers.

I think that would be a good place to add commas.

I like the questioning and speech. It's something you appreciate more when you realise she's addressing her reflection.

making the blood release your pain.

I think something like 'releasing your pain in blood' or 'forcing the blood to release your pain' would be more effective, just to get rid of 'making'. When editing you could take another look at verbs like these, to see if there's an option that will have more connotations or contribute better to the atmosphere you're trying to create.

So you're staring at the pills again,
memorising how they've helped you sleep; - Or even a full stop for effect.
maybe now they'll help you sleep forever.

looking for its next victim.

Love the last line and the clear reveal of the message.

Sorry that I didn't have too much to comment on! These are mostly trivial points - I thought the message behind the poem was brilliant, and well-conveyed with the repetition and dialogue.

Well done!