Life's a Blur

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Gender Female
Points 1813
Reviews 15
Time runs ever faster past the eyes
Of those who do not grace its presence here
So obsessed with money, greed and lies
That when time runs out they begin to fear
It is now that they see all that they have missed
All that petty obsessions have dimmed
Somehow clouded in an opaque mist
Until the gap between life and death had slimmed
Have they forgotten how to live with love?
(Save for green paper that they covet so)
Hawks of war forget the docile dove
Until their repercussions start to show
There is absolutely no day but today
Of the sun a fleeting golden ray.
"It's my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there's stuff."




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Gender Male
Points 1172
Reviews 112
Well might i just say- yum? This poem has some delicious imagery.
I adored you're use of rhyming structure A B A B- ok it wasn't 100% on the mark, all of the time but hey!

Somehow clouded in an opaque mist

I'd have said "by" instead of "in" but hey! we have different writing styles :P - apart from me being a smartar*e I loved this line so much. GOWJUS

Loves
Kris
x




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1813
Reviews 15
Thanks for reading it! I'm glad you liked it!
"It's my timey-wimey detector. It goes ding when there's stuff."



Not tryna sound like a houseplant but sometimes all you need is food water and sun and suddenly everything is better
— Quillfeather