Black Mask

Shunned by everything in the light

They stare at you in spite

You run away from the people who just see a face

Covered in descries

Not your kind soul, whom others can not grasp

As you hide it behind this Mask

Staying low and out of sight

Till the sun hides it’s rays of light and becomes night

This darkness were my appearance is hidden

Were wrong judgments are forbidden

Shunned away by those who cam not see you

So as you say that your through

With all this false judgment and all these bad tasks

I love you and wear you to

My Dark Black Mask

oooh, very dark. I like it! your description is wonderful.

Shunned by everything in the light

They stare at you in spite

You run away from the people who just see a face In this line I would substitute the word 'only' for the word 'just'. It's more of a personal preference than anything else, but it also seems to flow better. The word 'just' is a 'harder' word in a sense and sort of tends to make the line sound like it should stop there. Where as 'only' flows better into the next word. Completely up to you, this is merely my opinion!

Covered in descries I'm not sure that the word descries works here.... Descries, or descry, is a verb meaning to catch sight of or to perceive... So.... either this person is covered in perceiveiness ( which as you realize, does not make sense in the least ) or you spelled the word you were looking for wrong.

Not your kind soul, whom others can not grasp

As you hide it behind this Mask

Staying low and out of sight

Till the sun hides it’s rays of light and becomes night

This darkness were my appearance is hidden Now all of a sudden you have just switched points of view on this. You go from speaking about 'you' to saying 'me'. It should be the same the whole way through....

Were wrong judgments are forbidden Were = Where

Shunned away by those who cam not see you cam = can..... also you just switched back to saying 'you' again...

So as you say that your through Your is spelled you're if you're trying to say you are.

With all this false judgment and all these bad tasks

I love you and wear you to to = too

My Dark Black Mask Nice strong ending! Creepy too...

One more thing this needs is some punctuation at the ends of the lines! So put periods and commas and de-capitalize the beginning of the line if it is not the beginning of a sentence. It will make it flow a lot nicer.

All in all, this piece was nice.... and it could be really good if you fixed it up some.... but... it didn't really make me feel anything.... ever heard the expression 'show not tell' ? Give this some metaphors! It'll make it more interesting and not as cliche.

I did like the ending. Nice and strong.

So give this a bit of extra work. It could be really great! NIce job.

Me likey a lot =) the only thing is there are a few typos that you might want to fix up real quick so other people don't pester you about them.


This darkness were my appearance is hidden: The were should be wHere

Were wrong judgments are forbidden: Again the were a wHere

Shunned away by those who cam not see you: Cam to caN


^^ just three little mistakes. Trust me, I do those kind of typos all the time lol it's ridiculous, but that's how I can spot them so fast. But yeah, nice poem, you should write more.