Chalk to the Sidewalk

Chalk to the Sidewalk
Chalk to the sidewalk
Drawings, hopscotch
Chalk to the sidewalk
Rain pours, winds roar
Chalk to the sidewalk
Lines smear, disappear
Chalk to the sidewalk
Colors streak, run bleak
Chalk to the sidewalk
Stained ground, dreams drown
Chalk to the sidewalk
Rain pours, winds roar
Chalk to the sidewalk
Folklore, no more

Hi there! One of the first things I noticed about this poem, is the lack of punctuation to tell us exactly when to pause. There's a few commas in there, which is good but it's hard to tell where we're meant to be pausing and how we're expected to read the poem out. Are we meant to be reading it fast, like a quick kids rhyme?

The theme of it is very interesting and it does rather remind me of the type of poem/chant that young children would use whilst playing games like hopscotch, or skipping. Yet as poetry overall, I personally didn't find it very captivating. I would probably enjoy it while playing hopscotch though

So what you really need to be working on there is punctuation.

This is a great poem, I do like how it goes from a child-like feel to the more threatening tone. I liked the imagery to it, and how the chalk connects to it. All of the imagery fits in well with all the chalk metaphors.

The only problem I have with this poem, besides the grammar issue pointed out by the first reviewer, is the constant repetition of 'Chalk to the Sidewalk.' It just makes it really hard for me to actually read the poem. In some ways the repetition does work, but I would then I would like the poem to be separated out into stanzas. I also think it would work to separate the poem out into stanzas without the constant repetition.

Also, I think that you could use a line or two at the beginning, to further emphasize the innocence that the chalk represented. Tell us of the sweetness before sending us to the darkness.

Chalk to the sidewalk

Drawings, hopscotch

Chalk to the sidewalk

Rain pours, winds roar

But, you have one line for what chalk represents in the poem, and then you go straight to the darkness.

All in all, I think this is a great poem, once I read between the repetition. I like how you chose chalk to represent innocence, something that almost every person recognizes from their childhood. Then, I like how you connected the disappearing chalk to the loss of innocence, great imagery.

Good luck with your poetry!

I really liked the poem.
I read ALOT of poems and this was one of my favorites, mainly because it reminds me of myself. I try so hard to erase my child hood, maybe I am the rain erasing my past. You really got me thinking.

It seems like you are lacking some punctuation. After every phrase I think you meant for there to be a pause, but no comma.

Example:
BLAH BLAH BLAH,
BLAH BLAH BLAH,
BLAH BLAH BLAH,
BLAH BLAH BLAH,


That's the only bad thing I saw.

Thank you, I really enjoyed reading your poem. It kinda made me feel sad, but in a good way.

If people share my same opinions, then you might be able to make some money off your work.

Great idea for content here. Though I must say the repetition of "Chalk to the Sidewalk" at every other line is extrememly annoying. It takes the reader's focus of the beautiful imagery you've created with the other lines. You could still repeat that line, just not that often. Let us appreciate the other lines as well. "Chalk to the sidewalk," is not the most important line by that much. I'd rephrase it more to be like below:


"Chalk to the sidewalk
Drawings, hopscotch

Chalk to the sidewalk
Rain pours, winds roar
Lines smear, disappear
Colors streak, run bleak
Stained ground, dreams drown

Chalk to the sidewalk
Rain pours, winds roar
Folklore, no more"


Also, the internal rhymes don't match very well. Pours, roar. One is plural which throws it off. Ground, drown doesn't rhyme at all. Overall, this need a lot of work, but I think you can pull it off. The idea behind this is wonderful, and I would love to see a revision. Keep writing!

~Yoyo