But

I tell you you're a jerk,
But, really make
My entire body sped up.

You think you know me,
But, if you do how do you
not see through my happiness?

I tell you I'm fine,
But the truth is,
You broke my heart.

I tell you all lies,
But you don't see deeper,
Than the make-up on my face.

I tell you I'm fine and not hurting,
But how could I not be,
For my hearts broken in two.

You go on and talk about your problems,
But I can't fell sorry for you,
My own are eating me from the inside.

You tell me to forgive him and go on,
But, how can I do that,
When I have no friends to help.

We tell eachother all lies,
But we don't see deeper
Than the make-up on are face.

I get guy problems,
But what do I do to get you to see
I need a friend to talk to.

bunnie_i_am wrote:I tell you you're a jerk,
But, really make
My entire body sped up..

I think maybe the first stanza should be rewritten. Are you trying to say that as you tell the person they're a jerk they reall make your body speed up/ As in heartrate?

bunnie_i_am wrote:I tell you all lies,
But you don't see deeper,
Than the make-up on my face...

I really like this stanza, I think alot of people could relate to that.

bunnie_i_am wrote:You go on and talk about your problems,
But I can't fell sorry for you,
My own are eating me from the inside.

Fell should be spelled feel.

bunnie_i_am wrote:We tell eachother all lies,
But we don't see deeper
Than the make-up on are face.

Are should be spelled our.

bunnie_i_am wrote:I get guy problems,
But what do I do to get you to see
I need a friend to talk to.

Personaly I think get should be changed to got, but if thats the way it's suppose to be leave it.

I think this poem is good, but it needs to be revised a bit.

-much encouragment Tiffany

I like how emotion is expressed, while at the same time the poem isn't drowning on it-the pacing is kept up. I actually think this could work a lot better as a song than a poem for some reason. I don't know why, I just get that vibe from it.