Sky Dance

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sky dance

I start at Red. The sky here is blasted and cloudless and the ground blisters my naked feet. A man wades through the distorted air and picks me up by my collar. He screams at me: “Why is it always so hot?” Alarmed, I extricate myself and hurry off. Sweat stings my eyes.

In Orange the heat is tolerable but still unpleasant. Irritable mothers scream at babies and fan themselves with hats. Men in suits wipe their foreheads and contradict each other. Children with ear-studs kick dogs with lolling tongues. ‘Got any change?’ leers a skin-headed youth and I back away throwing coppers at him.

There are cool breezes and lush fields in Yellow. I lie on the grass beneath a soft blue sky and to the sound of zephyrs and shouting birds I drift into a comfortable sleep. When I awake a blonde woman is sitting beside me and stroking my hair. I get up, smiling, and stroll off. Everyone I see makes remarks like “Don’t you feel glad to be alive?” and “Isn’t life grand?” At first I find this attitude refreshing but after half an hour I am weary of their cheerful rhetoric and decide to move on.

It is hard to move through Green for all the trees and hedges and shrubs that grow here. I push my way through this tangle of life until I am surrounded on all sides by vegetation with no idea how to escape. I am getting ready to shout for help when a man with a machete hacks his way into view. He has earth on his face and petals in his hair. “Lost?” he asks me. I nod. “Follow me,” he says and cuts us a swathe through the dense forest.

Blue is calm and cold. People dressed in white coats sit alone and write melancholy poetry. I blow on my hands and stamp my feet and compose a sonnet entitled The Sound of Sorrow. When I re-read it I find it to be pretentious and wordy so I shuffle onwards feeling useless.

It is twilight in Indigo but the streets are still teeming. A boy steals my wallet and a woman laughs at my accent. The air is filled with police sirens and malicious gossip and the sound of people walking into each other. Girls wearing excessive amounts of make-up beckon me with scarlet fingernails and ask me if I am looking for a good time. I politely decline and scurry away.

The inhabitants of Violet are pallid and stunted with narrow gleaming eyes. I can see little but hear gunshots and screams and sobbing and screeching tyres and breaking glass. I ask a circle of hooded adolescents how to get out of this place. They crowd around me and push me forwards with excited whispers and horrible laughter. I am buoyed helplessly along stumbling on the rough ground until suddenly they leave me alone in the darkness. I take a tentative step forwards and my foot falls on empty air. For a moment I seem to hang suspended

Then I am plunging downwards

Hurtling through

Empty acres of

Nothing




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Hi there!

I just wanted to let you know that you need to do two reviews before posting anything. keeping a nice two to one ratio of reviews to posts. That way everyone gets a little feed back.

I think that before posting anything else you should look at the rules and guidelines, they will help.

Anything else you need to ask, just PM me, and I will do my best to help you out.



Best of luck,

OverEasy
Life is for living.




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Hey!
That was interesting, a very new idea, I've never even thought about that before.
I know what you mean about not being sure if it's poetry or not. I think that it started off more poetic then you started to write more and more and so it got less like poetry and more like prose.
I think I liked Red the most. It was short and to the point and really got the essence of the place, whereas the other paragraphs began to have more of what happened and less of what the colour felt like and how you yourself felt in it.
Good ending though and I salute you for having an idea that I haven't really come across before.
Alice
xxx




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My friend, that WAS poetry because if that was a story, I'd be critiquing you like there were no tomorrow.

It was lovely. So lovely. I liked it a lot. I really wish I could turn it into a play. I am so jealous that you can write such lovely works and I'm stuck with writer's block.

Very good, and very promising.

Only one critique:

"I am buoyed helplessly along stumbling on the rough ground until suddenly they leave me alone in the darkness."

There should be a comma or an "and" after "along." Well, that's it. I loved it. I want a sequel, this time I think you should do uh....seasons? or birds? ....I did read a good poem about birds. Perhaps people? Man, woman, boy, girl, baby. Kind of exploring the changes int he different stages of life?

Ah, with you, I know it'll be fun to read. You've captured my attention. I'm your new fan.

YATTA!




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I really liked that, how you described each color with it's natural trait or characteristic =) very nice. I'm impressed. You may be new to the sight but you're no rookie when it comes to writing are you?
"When a thought takes one's breath away, a grammar lesson seems an impertienence."
~Thomas W. Higginson



The wince that you wince when you see your quote in the quote generator is quite a wince, I tell ya. To know that the whole YWS community has read and judged your quote is quite an awkward feeling like oh noes. *manly blush*
— Arcticus