Time

I bury my hands
deeper deeper
salty grains flow
through open fingers.
Centimetres, millimetres
of seconds pass.
Slower still.

Hands stir, pulled,
quick sand snares them
the agonising wait
moments, minutes, hours
every inch burning.

Sand forces my
hands, halt.
Breath pauses,
my throat dries.
Aeons pass.

All I hear is blah blah blah.

Poems need to come to something. They need to arrive at a point, or go through a point, or be on their way to a point. We need to have a sense of structure, even if the structure is no structure. This poem is overwhelmingly noncommital, unbelievably safe, and completely common. You produce bland statements with the help of a "been there, done that" metaphor. (Time -> Sand). Your writing isn't horrific, but your subject matter is drawn up against such obvious and well traveled lines, that it's impossible to do anything but sigh and say; "not another one of these".

It's said time and time again; What new can you bring to this topic? if you can't think of an answer, your poem is toast.

The wording is uninventive, you describe sand as "salty", which is like describing the ocean as "liquid". Your breath "pauses", your throat is "dry". Not imaginative description at all. Also, you switch from the Metric system ("centimeters, millimeters"), to the Standard system ("every inch burning"). Little things, but they don't help your cause.

I'm sorry, but you've gotta try harder to make an impression.

***

quick sand snares them

Do you mean...?
- Quick sand snares them (the original which implies that, as opposed to slow sand, this sand is particularly quick.)
- Quicksand snares them
- Quick! Sand snares them
- Quick, sand snares them!

***

EDIT: Sexual connotations are here there and everywhere. You can find them in everything, and, to be honest, they rarely mean a lot. I didn't notice them at first, but perhaps I've conditioned myself to ignore them?

Thank you for the comments, I'll bear them in mind next time.

I didn't realise quicksand was one word, although, since my punctuation wasn't debatable at any other point in the poem "Quick! Sand snares them" seams an unreasonable interpretation.

I have to point out, the switch between Metric and Imperial (English name for 'Standard system') was deliberate to show how the perception of time differs.

Also, I'm assuming you didn't notice the sexual connotations then, oh well.

Thanks for taking the time to write a review.