I need you

I need you
Like a bird needs wings to fly,
and we need tears to cry.
Like a fish needs water to breathe,
and the sun is our foremost need.
Like the soul needs a body to be complete,
and we need another competitor to compete.
Like the moon needs the sun to shine,
I need you as mine.

Hello!

I see that you're relatively new, so welcome to YWS! Just while you're reading this I'd like to invite you to go take a look at the Rules and Guidelines for posting your work, we like people to do 2 reviews before they post, that way everyone gets their work some critiques. Okay, now that's outlined to you, let's take a look at this beauty!

This was fantastic. I loved it. There was a solid, effective subtletly to it which I just adored, as it seemed to tell the reader without having to shove it down their throat. The concepts are done so well that it seems that you can even command cliches without them actually becoming cliches. Does that make sense? I suppose you could say your poetic voice is very original and confident. Yes, I think that's what I mean!

Loved this line:

Like the soul needs a body to be complete,

and we need another competitor to compete.

One problem I found was that I think it could have been longer. Some of the points I think could be developed further and maybe more poetic devices could have been used to really speak to the reader so that the poem leaves its mark. I'd be careful of your rhythm structure, sometimes the syllables weren't balanced and it became hard to read with a beat. I'd suggest counting out the syllables of each line before you write, and then reading your piece out loud before you deem it fully ready.

Luck,

Eimear

This is my favorite peom of yours! I loved every sentence, from beginning to end. Even though it was shorter, it still was sweet and to the heart.

Yes, I think you could lengthen it a little but I think it's perfect the way it is.

Sorry, I'm not the best reviewer in the world...

But if you ever need anything else looked at, just let me know

This is really good buts its alittle depressing. It needs more life to it. But anyways good job!!!!