Kate Has 8 Lives. Chapter 2.

Chapter 2: Pain, Lights and White.
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A small glimmer of tears rimmed Kate’s eyes as the bright lights of the hospital jerked out the calmness of the dark it once was in.

“Kate?” She heard a soft woman’s voice whisper under her breath. A sniffle followed right after.

Kate’s eyes popped open and found herself lying in a unfamiliar bed. She finally remembered all that had happened. The store, the car... the pain in her hips.

“Ouch! Owwah!” Kate yelped out in pain.

“Oh Kate!” a woman cried out in joy. Kate felt the sudden embrace of comforting arms wrap around her body and the familiar scent of lavender creep up her nose. It was her mom.

Kate sat up and felt her mothers arms let go. The hospital lights seeped in and she finally found herself used to them, and more calm then before.

But she was still in a hospital. A car still hit her, and her hips felt as if they were completely battered by a bat. She inhaled deeply, trying to hold in the pain.

Kate looked to her side to find Amato tapping his foot nervously and biting his nails one by one; he looked up at Kate, and she felt as if he were about to burst in into tears any second, but in any situation, he wanted to stay strong. She always knew that, but couldn’t help find the tinge of guilt set as an expression on his face.

They were the only ones there by her side. She knew in a place like this she should also have a fatherly figure by her side as well, but it was never her fault that her mother divorced the guy who once was her dad at ten years of age, and the fact she was left without a goodbye, she did not care about that in the least bit.

Amato looked to the floor as a single tear went down his left cheek.

“Mom, how is Ginger?” she blurted out.

“What?”

“Is she still coughing?”

“Katie, I don’t think you should worry about that now, you need to rest.”, her mom rested the palm of her hand on Kates arm and sniffled.

“Oh Kate, what did you get yourself into?” she cried.

“I don’t know, I’m sorry mom...” Suddenly it struck her. Did her mom know that she was trying to steal? Did everyone figure out? Was she finally in trouble?

So many questions filled her head, and she couldn’t do nothing but worry. She went back onto her last question, trying her best to doubt anyone had found out about the incident that occurred earlier.

“Really though…how is Ginger?” Kate forced out.

“Katie, that cat is so old, and it had to of-”, her mom stopped herself before she went any further in the sentence.

“I think you should rest honey” she added, in which right after grabbed a tissue to blow her nose. Amato just sat with his face rested in the palms of his hands rubbing his temples.

“Mom, no, she didn’t.”

“It’s okay, Katie, you will be out here soon once the bruises heal. The doctors just have to check later if-”

“MOM! Did you even hear me?!” Kate slammed her fist into the white counter set near her bed.

“Shh! Kate! Please don’t shout like that!” her mother cried out. Kate looked over at her mom and saw her eyes were red from crying.

Kate started to cry, breathing in and out, stuttering the word “No” over and over again. She knew Ginger died.

Ginger wasn’t just any cat, she was the sweetest cat Kate had she ever known. She was a tabby cat, with fluffy fur and would never bring her claws out. When she was sad, Ginger would always scoot up to her, and it would immediately make her smile. Ginger was always there for her, and Kate did everything to make her happy. She gave her treats, the special square salmon flavored ones that drove the cat wild with excitement, and she also would take the best mouse toys home from the pet store. She was just always there, and Kate couldn’t just let that go.

A pain hit Kate again, straight in her hips, like sharp needles going through her. She felt weak, and tired as her eyelids were slowly closing up, blinking more and more, and knew the car didn’t leave her with just a couple of bruises. It couldn’t be.

“Kate? Say something, please.” her mom begged.

Amato’s face shot up.

“Kate, please wake up!” he cried.

“Kate!”

“Kate!”

“KATE!”

That was all she heard before her body went completely stiff and then limp. She didn’t have anytime to think. All she did was feel her body slowly shut down.

Crying. Shouting. The doctors rushing in. It was to late. Slowly she began to pass away.

Her life flashed before her eyes.

Through a tunnel she saw a light.

She saw her self grow up.

She hit the light.

What was going to happen now?

I loved it! PM me again when you post Chapter 3 okay? I love how you end the chapters at just the right moment:

The store, the car.. The pain in her hips.

There should be another dot after car and don't capitalize the T right after that.

“Oh Kate!”,

No comma. *starts lecture* You already have an ending punctuation so you don't need another one. Besides, it would go inside the quotation marks anyway. I noticed a bunch more of those but you'll be able to find them. *end of lecture*

body, and the familiar scent of lavender creep up her nose.

A comma isn't nessecary right after body. My English teacher taught me that you only need a comma with three things, not just two, but she also points out that that changes all the time and its different in different places.

one by one, he looked

Semi-colon.

He was gone, and for some reason, she finds herself not to care.

Found.

“I don’t know, I’m sorry mom.”,..

No period, no comma. Put the eclipse in the quotations and add another dot to it.

“Really though…How is Ginger?” Kate forced.

Don't capitalize the H in How and somehow, Kate forced, doesn't make much sense. I know what you mean but what about 'Kate forced out' or something along those lines?

“Mom, no, she didn’t.”

Maybe add a quotation mark instead?

“It’s okay Katie, you will be out here soon once the bruises heal. The doctors just have to check later if-”

Comma after Okay and another dash after If.

her eyes were completely red from crying.

Completetely doesn't have to be there. We get the idea that they're red from the next word.

“no”

Capitalize N.

it was the sweetest cat Kate had she ever known.

She instead of It.

with fluffy fur that would never bring her claws out.

Doesn't make much sense. You go from fluffy fur to claws. Maybe say "...with fluffy fur and would never bring her claws out"?

“Kate? Say something, please”[quote] Period after Please.

Hey girl,
So I'm behind, you'll know the reason and story when you read the pm, but I just read your other chapter too. I'm gunna review this one since it seems like most everyone else got everything I could see from that one.

Great chapter. You are letting the reader side with Kate while still knowing she is 'bad'. I like the details you are putting in too. It's short so I can't really say much about it, but I really like it. Also I like the end how it goes abrutly and the reader can tell by the short sentences. Once again, it was really good.

But a few awkward things (since awkward is my speciality )

she couldn’t do nothing but worry

Double negative is a double no-no...as my English teacher used to say. Basically you shouldn't have couldn't (could not) and nothing. I think "she couldn't do anything but worry" is correct and sounds better.

He was gone, and for some reason, she found herself not to care.

The bold part is awkward to read. Consider changing it too "she found herself not caring".

Other than those two things, and maybe some grammer things that I can never find, it was really good. Can't wait for the rest!

Aw, see? You can be a hardened criminal and still love fluffy animals!

Anyway, actual review time.

I liked this, since we get to see that she isn't a castoff or your typical angsty street kid stereotype. She's got a family that loves her and she has a pet and she has concerns and a real life. It is totally breaking free of usual expectations.

My only thing is that you have two infodumps in here: one about her dad and one about her cat. The cat one isn't so bad, but the with the whole spiel about her dad, the story pretty much just comes to a halt for you to talk about how she doesn't have a dad and doesn't care. Instead of spending the several sentences you do (in which there is really nothing furthering the story) I'd pare it down to a few snippets, then move on. For example, instead of the whole thing,

They were the only ones there by her side. She knew in a place like this she should also have a fatherly figure by her side as well, but it was never her fault her mother divorced the guy who once was her dad at 10 years of age. She didn’t feel bad. She didn’t cry. He never meant anything to her, and all she could do is look up to the other people in her life. It happened all so fast, but it was quick and painless. No screaming. No violence. He was gone, and for some reason, she found herself not to care.

you could just cut it down to something like this:

"They were the only ones by her side. Her dad was with some other woman - had been ever since she was ten. He'd never meant much to her anyway. She knew who she could depend on. And they were right here."

(obviously, I don't know if her dad is with another woman - it is your story - but this was just in my example) This is short, sweet and to the point really quickly so that the reader gets the point and then can go right back to the story.

Alternatively, you could ignore talking about the dad at this point and just focus on the whole situation of the hips and the cat. If her father isn't that important to her, she isn't going to care whether he's there or not. I'd leave it for a more opportune time, like if her mom brings him up or if something directly reminds her of him. Right now, it really doesn't seem all that important that her parents are divorced. What the reader really cares about is the poor kitty and the (possibly) crippled Kate.

she was the sweetest cat Kate had she ever known.

I think you mean: "she was the sweetest cat Kate had ever known." That random "she" in there confused me for a minute.

The all-caps when people are shouting should be cut and replaced with italics. Italics give the same powerful emphasis and they just look so much more elegant.

Anyway, very nice chapter. I'm interested in how it all ties in with the title, which, by the way, is extremely intriguing as I read the story. I want to know what it has to do with the story.

*thumbs up* Good stuff.

~GryphonFledgling

Hey Curly! ^_^

I didn't mention this the first time, so I have to now: I think you've got a great title for this story. It's very clever.

Anywho...

She heard a soft women’s voice

Women is plural. Woman is singular. Should be woman.

She finally remembered all that happened

^"all that HAD happened"

“Ouch! Owwah!” Kate cried out in pain.

“Oh Kate!” a woman cried out in joy.

You say cried, in consecutive lines of dialogue. Trying thinking of another word to use - like "shouted" or "yelped", for one of them.

her hips felt as if they completely battered by a bat. She inhaled deeply trying to hold in the pain.

"as if they WERE complete battered"
"She inhaled deeply, trying to hold in the pain."

up at Kate, and she felt as if he were to burst in to tears any second, but in any situation, he wanted to stay strong. She always knew that, but couldn’t help find the a tinge of guilt set as an expression on his face.

"as if he were ABOUT to burst INTO"
You also have an extra "a" in there. *points*

She knew in a place like this she should also have a fatherly figure by her side as well, but it was never her fault her mother divorced the guy who once was her dad at 10 years of age, and the fact she was left without a goodbye, she did not care in the least bit.

This sentence is structure kind of awkwardly. Try: "but it was not her fault THAT her mother divorced the guy who was once her dad when she was TEN years old. And the fact that she was left without a goodbye from him - she did not care ABOUT THAT in the least bit."

“I don’t know, I’m sorry mom...”, Suddenly it struck her.

Ditch that comma hanging there.

“MOM! Did you even hear me?!”, Kate slammed her fist into the white counter set near her bed.

Bad comma! Bad!

“Kate!”, “Kate!”, “KATE!”.

If different people are saying these things, then they should on seperate lines.

Okay, I must say: I love, love, LOVE your storyline, because it's about a little girl that we can't help but like, but she's doing a bad thing - being a thief. You give her a lot of redeeming qualities, like she's compassionate and a good friend, but then she's doing this one bad thing. I love that.

Your grammar was also much better this time around. *hugs* You still need to sort out some comma issues, but I give you a big gold star (seriously... giving you one of those stars at the top of the forum ^_^)

Thanks for the read! Can't wait for the rest.

Good, Curly, very good! Sorry I couldn't get to this earlier...

But back to your piece of literature...

I liked it! But I felt the part when Kate got angry...it was kind of TOO dramatic. Tone that down a bit. Also, describe more of what Kate sees when she wakes up, what she feels, what she's thinking. We need to know more about what her personality is like.

Also, I felt that the ending was sort of...sudden? I'm not sure that's the right word but I think you should expand, explain, lengthen. Somehow include more to help with the transition of the whole deal.

Other than that, great work!

On to Chapter three!

This is a great second bit to the story.

Watch out for a and an in front of vowels. AEIOU have an in front. The rest have a. Easy mistake so many people miss or forget about. Read it over and it should make sense to you better with the correct in front.

Characters don't do all that much, but it's alright, you make it work.

Watch out for the 's and s'. Most of the time you've put 'its' when 'it's' fits better. And Kate's not Kates in a few instinces.

Overall it's a nice simple follow on. Again lacks a bit of description in parts but that is passable.

I like how Amato is so silent, that works well. But the mum - she's not as worried as she should be at the beginning, then it all gets overly dramatic and emotional and blah, tone it down. When she mentions the cat, you start to rush and some sentances finished way too quick.

Better i love it.

Hello, oh Curly one.
Good job; this is exciting and moves at a fast pace. Might I make a structural suggestion? This could be made even more exciting if you open the scene on her way to heaven. At least, I'm pretty sure she's going to heaven. Anyway, I say this because the idea of waking up in a hospital has been done numerous times. It's fine if you keep it, but if you do, I suggest making it a very mental-oriented scene, focusing exclusively on what's going on in Kate's head.

“Oh Kate!” a woman cried out in joy. Kate felt the sudden embrace of comforting arms wrap around her body and the familiar scent of lavender creep up her nose. It was her mom.

How can her mom hug her if she's lying down?

A car still hit her, and her hips felt as if they were completely battered by a bat.

This implies that the car is currently hitting her. And "battered by a bat"?

Crying. Shouting. The doctors rushing in. It was to late. Slowly she began to pass away.

Her life flashed before her eyes.

Through a tunnel she saw a light.

She saw her self grow up.

She hit the light.

This happens too fast. And we've all her the "tunnel and the light" thing. Saw herself grow up? Please elaborate. Your last sentence, though, was extremely excellent.

A small glimmer of tears rimmed Kate’s eyes as the bright lights of the hospital jerked out the calmness of the dark it once was in.
that sentence was really well written.

but in any situation, he wanted to stay strong.
that sounds awkward..try writing "she knew that he always tried to stay strong."

Amato looked to the floor as a single tear went down his left cheek.
“Mom, how is Ginger?” she blurted out.
..talking about the cat became very random, it didnt seem like there was any relavance that reminded her of Ginger.

when Kate got angry it seemed too much, i dont think someone lying in a hospital bed would get that angry, they would be worn out and just want to sleep right?

i really like the idea of this story though, keep writing.