How It Used To Be

A Burden Has Been Lifted
The World Has Finally Shifted
Can It Really Be
He's Finally Over Me

Times Gone By Fast
Its Finally Ok To Think About The Past
He Was My First Love
My Guardian Angel Sent From Above

He Will Forever Be Apart Of Me
But Now My Mind, Soul, And Body Can Be Free
To Be With The One Whom I Need
Thankyou For Finally Setting Me Free





*note for readers
My Guardian Angel is a song by red jumpsuit apparatus and the one whom this poem is meant for was "My Guradian Angel" so i just didn't want anyone to critic me on that point ok and just leave a comment on what you think please and thankyou

The first thing that I noticed was that every word is capitalized; now this is fine only I am wondering if the capitalization has a purpose. Right now I don’t see it adding to your poem at all, if anything it’s a little distracting.

The next thing that I noticed was your rhyming. It makes the whole poem feel a little forced, but that may just be my opinion.

A Burden Has Been Lifted

The World Has Finally Shifted

Can It Really Be

He's Finally Over Me

This bit is very tell, little show. If there is one thing I have learned from my creative classes it's that showing the reader what you are talking about is far more effective.

TimesI think you mean Time's, as in time has gone by fast, but I'm not sure Gone By Fast

Its Finally Ok To Think About The Past

He Was My First Love

My Guardian Angel Sent From Above

I want to know more, why was he your first love? What did he do? How did he kiss you etc. Just saying that he was your first love really doesn't tell me anything about him. What did he do that made him so special.

He Will Forever Be Apart Of Me

But Now My Mind, Soul, And Body Can Be Free

To Be With The One Whom I Need

Thankyou For Finally Setting Me Free

Again I find myself wanting to know why this boy was so special, you've not really told us anything about him.


The next point I would like to throw out there is you need a little work on your punctuation, as in you don't have any. Some poems can stand on their own without punctuation, however it is a very rare thing to find. Adding a bit more will really help your stanzas flow together a little bit more.



Scarlett

Impressed, and I don't much get that here. Seemed like one of those poems you don't sit down and write, rather you discover it somewhere like it has always been written.

Reminds me of my first love so easily too. You strike a chord with anyone who has had that first love and was heart broken because of it, but they have had much time to move on and realize where they are to go next in life.

thanks for the good read. Hope the ones that follow are as good as this one.