Turquoise Chapter One

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*This is my way of coping with my late grandmother's recent death. She loved her turquoise jewelery more than all the gold in her drawers. In a classic 'The Notebook' style love story, meets a forming bond between a girl and her grandmother, and how the girl begins to realize how her life is shaping up like her grandmother's once did. Please enjoy, this is my first more serious novel.*



CHAPTER ONE
ONCE UPON A TIME...

“Charlotte,” My mother whispered to me. It was my turn now to go up to the podium. I did so, feeling numb as I looked at the people sitting in the pews. Clearing my throat, I looked once to the paper I had wrote the eulogy on, back at the blank, sad faces, and down to the paper again.
“Elizabeth Marie Shale-Gregor lived a long, good life. She was a beloved daughter, sister, friend, mother, and grandmother,” My voice broke on that last word. I took a deep breath and looked back to the mourners. I slowly read through the rest of the eulogy not even my parents could attempt.
People continued to come up to me after the mass, giving their sympathies. I could see Benjamin across the room. I paid him no mind, and snuck out the fire exit door into the peaceful little garden. I sat on a bench near a small stone pond, and looked into the water. Goldfish swam around, their scales reflecting the outside world.
“Hi, Charlie.” A smooth voice broke the silence. I looked up to see Nathaniel standing across from me. He had made it after all, still looking as disheveled as usual.
“Thank you for coming, Nate.” I whispered. He shrugged and walked to be next to me, even though I remained sitting on the pond wall edge.
“Yeah, it was the least I could do. I remember you talking about her once or twice in class. I know you guys were really close, and you could always use a friend at a time like this.” He said, his voice comforting. I forced a small laugh.
“As shocking as this may sound, Nate, I never was that close to my grandma. You could go as far to say that I advoided her whenever possible. She was just so stubborn. And if you didn’t meet her standards, you weren’t worth her time. I never met her standards. It wasn’t until she was diagnosed did I even bother to sit in the same room as her alone.”
“So, why did you?”
“Why did I what?”
“Why did you decide to even bother with her towards the end?” He asked me. I looked back at the doors. No one seemed to notice we were out here.
“It’s kind of a long story.” I told him. He sat down in the grass, patting the empty space next to him.
“We’ve got time. Unless you’d rather be in there with Benny boy.” Nathaniel teased me carefully. I laughed again and sat next to him, smoothing out the black dress I wore.
“Okay, I guess. Are you sure you want to hear it?” I looked at him as he smoothed his extremely wavy hair back and smiled at me playfully.
“All of it.” Looking away from his broad smirk, I gathered my hair, draping it over my shoulder and looked at the gold ring with the blue stone set in the center.
“This is a story about how the upper-class debutante fell in love with the lower-class servant, even though she could've had the boy of every girl's dreams," I took a breath and looked back at Nathaniel's warm eyes. "Or something like that."
Last edited by KBrowlingmeyerFAN on Mon Jul 14, 2008 11:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I'm Betting On Alice.

*Be*Ki*Al* 4EVER~<3




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Hey, KBrowlingmeyerFAN!

Oooh! This looks like it's going to be a really cool story--grandmothers are pretty awesome. (My grandmother was a really poor Polish girl, and my grandfather was the son of an executive at GE. Kind of flipped from yours, right? ^_~) I also really liked your main character, and how she admits that she wasn't close. Most writers like to make deaths as sappy as possible, but you did really well with 'keepin' it real' and making sure it was still interesting and relevant to your readers.

A few things to think about:

- Who's talking? I had no idea who was talking when your main character and Nate were gabbing out in the garden--make sure, with dialogue, that you tag things at the right time. If someone does something like shake their head, put it on the same line as their quotation. If the other person shakes their head, skip a line. You don't want someone else's action leaking into dialogue with a different character.

- Is your main character male or female?

- Your last line was kind of cheesy. It's cool, but it doesn't sound like something that someone would actually say. You might want to go with something like, "I'll tell you about my grandma--she was a debutante, he was a servant", or something such.

__

Thanks for the read! Feel free to PM me if you have any questions or put the next part up. Good luck on working with this--novels are really scary, but they're fun, too. ^_^
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this is kinda of cool. i plan to check out the second chapter tomorrow.
"I love you," she whispered in his ear, before taking his mouth with her own.

~Elizzabeth Grey of Addicting Posion




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this is kinda of cool. i plan to check out the second chapter tomorrow.
"I love you," she whispered in his ear, before taking his mouth with her own.

~Elizzabeth Grey of Addicting Posion




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this looks interesting.
I didn't know Charlie was a nickname for the name Charlotte. I do like that name though. It's pretty.
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