Prologue
For weeks, I have had this in my head. The only problem was that every time I sat down to write, I couldn’t put it in words. I thought it was a horror, but the more I thought about it, the more it shaped itself into a thriller. But when I finally put the first sentence down on paper, it magically turned into a fairytale. So here we go. Ah. Fairytales. Don't we all just love them.
Chapter One- The Storybook
Nicole had never seen this bookstore before. She slowed her bike and turned down the volume on her walkman. The little shop was tucked into a tiny corner on the side of a not-so-busy road, a paper factory on one side, and a parking lot on the other. Surprises never ceased in Seattle.
The salty rain plastered her bangs to her forehead. She wiped a raindrop that was dripping down her nose as she read the sign again: The Storybook.
She dropped her bike to the sidewalk as she pulled open the wooden door. The tinkling of bells greeted her as she stepped inside. The soft aroma of ancient dust and lavender tickled her nose and she sneezed.
She pulled her earphones out and stuck her walkman in her coat pocket, not once taking her eyes off the endless shelves of old books that loomed in front of her. She went to the nearest shelf and ran her finger along the spines of the books. All these titles, she’d never heard of them before.
A thump startled her and she sneezed again. She turned around to find a book had fallen from the end of the shelf. She walked over and bent to pick it up.
The Storybook.
That was funny. Same name as the shop. She searched for a name of an author but found none. She had started to open the cover but a voice behind her sent her hand flying to her nose as she sneezed once again.
“Good afternoon.” She wheeled around to find an ancient old woman facing her, The Storybook still clutched tightly in one hand. The woman laughed. “I’m dearly sorry, my child. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Nicole smiled a nervous smile, “It’s fine. I’m jumpy.”
The woman had long silver hair down to her ankles and was wearing a long purple dress that went down to the floor, completely covering her feet. Strings of dark blue beads were strung around her neck and rows of bracelets covered each arm. A wrinkled smile stretched across her face, reaching her bright blue eyes that seemed to see right through Nicole and know her perfectly.
The woman’s eyes drifted to the book still clutched tightly in Nicole’s hand.
“Very good book,” she said, gently taking it from Nicole’s hand and stroking the spine.
“I was looking for the author but…”
“I’ve often wondered who wrote it,” the woman replied.
“So there isn’t an author?” Nicole asked.
“Not that I know of,” the woman answered, softly sighing. Her voice was old, full of knowledge, as soft as the petals of a flower. Nicole was mesmerized by it.
“So it’s good?” Nicole asked.
“Wonderful,” the woman replied smiling. “A gift,” the woman smiled, handing the book back to Nicole, “For you.”
“I, I couldn’t,” Nicole politely refused, but the woman insisted.
“I know you will keep in this case I would use the word "take" good care good care of it. You seem like the kind of girl I was at your age: always in the mood for an adventure,” the woman said. “You won’t be able to put it down. Please, take it.”
Nicole reluctantly took the book back from the woman’s hand. Something vibrated in her pocket.
“I’m sorry, excuse me.” She pulled out her cell phone and read the text.
where r u? luv mom.
She sighed and texted back.
at a book shop.
She hated cell phones. They always went off at the wrong times. Her mom made her get one for “emergency purposes.” in this part, maybe you could say "She hated emergency cellphones; they always went off at the wrong time." Telling us in a seperate sentence seems to do too much TELLING. You could either combine the sentences as I've done or SHOW us that it's emergency through dialogue, or maybe a text. : )
“Sorry,” she said looking up, but the woman had gone away. In her place a violet rested on the wooden floor. Nicole bent to pick it up. Underneath it was written a note on an old piece of parchment.
Nicole,
Sometimes I think the author is really the reader. That’s just my opinion though, of course. Be careful. Don’t start reading it until you can really sit down and get into it without any interruptions. Enjoy the journey!
-Wanda, your friend from The Storybook At first I didn't like Wanda's opinion. Then, I became more and more attatched to it. Keep this. : )
How did she know my name? I'm not sure if this is in italics on the original page, but if it's in third person, us authors normally don't include thoughts. Sometimes if they're in italics, that's fine. Or she could mumble it out of bewilderment. Her cell phone went off again.
wen u r don com home luv mom.
She sighed and texted back.
im on my way.
She tucked the book back under her arm and pulled her hood up. She stepped out once more into the drenching rain. She stuck her headphones back into her ears and turned up the volume to Depeche Mode. What's Depeche Mode?! XD Sorry. Curiosity.
* * *
“I’m home!” Nicole yelled, shutting the door behind her. The scratching off paws against the hard wood floor sent her hands flying to her face as her dog skidded in and smothered her in kisses. "Barkley! Stop it!"
“Hi, Honey!” her mom called from the kitchen. “I’m just making dinner. Your father should be home soon, Jeff too!” This last sentence confused me. Maybe worded differently would make it easier for us to understand.
"He's not my father, never will be," she mumbled under her breath. "Come on Barkley!" she called to her dog. "I’m just going to go put this book in my room,” she called to her mother, climbing the stairs. She went in her room and sat down on her bed. Don’t start reading it until you can really sit down and get into it without any interruptions…
She set the book down and went back downstairs to help her mom with dinner.
I Suspicions
When I first looked over this (without reading), I thought I'd be in for some long review about grammar. As it turns out, I just caught an glimpse at the text messages. Kudos on having way better grammar than I thought you would.
My OTHER suspicion was that you would do too much telling and not enough showing. Towards the beginning you did, but then you got better.
II Storybook
Despite what other people may think, I've learned that instead of underlining books, you italicize them. Who knows if that's right or wrong. Sorry to bother you about that.
Overall
Although I already enjoy your main character a lot, I want her to become more alive. She needs to be even more unique and memorable. As of yet, I can't remember her name for me life *scrolls to top* Oh...so it's Nicole.
Good chapter 1! I WILL be looking forward to the next installation (which I know is already posted, but I'll have to review it later because i'm all reviewed out).
OH. And I forgot to tell you, in the nitpicks section you might have to squint because my favorite things to pick on is punctuation. Look for em!
GOOD JOB, and keep writing.
