OK, I expect a lot of mistakes. I need to get this perfect so could you point out all the mistakes you can find. Thanks guys! I really appreciate it!
Chapter One
Jack Muldoon
"Class!" shouted Dr Bannockman. "I want silence in this classroom." The class then shut there mouths and sat down. "That's better," continued Dr Bannockman. "There should always be silence in a maths lesson. Now, today we're gonna start a new topic. Algebra." The class all groaned.
Dr Bannockman was Head of the Maths Department at Waid Academy. He was a very tall man with a small moustache and wore a black, expensive-looking purple striped suit and a black tie. He was in his late thirties but looked around forty-five.
Dr Bannockman looked around at his second year class. A handsome-looking boy with magical blue eyes then caught his eye. Dr Bannockman grinned.
"Jack Muldoon," said Dr Bannockman, smiling.
"Yes, sir?" replied Jack.
"Could you come and demonstrate to the class how you would explain algebra?" asked Dr Bannockman.
"Of course, sir. Just tell everyone to look up page a hundred and thirty-seven in their text books and it tells you all there and saves me a hell of a time talking," said Jack, grinning. The whole class erupted with laughter.
Dr Bannockman smiled again. "Well done Jack. Everyone look up page a hundred and thirty-seven. And Jack, do you have IT this afternoon, period five?"
Jack nodded. "Yes sir. It's my favourite subject."
"Well," said Dr Bannockman. "Instead of going to IT, you can come here where you will sit in detention for being so cheeky and embarrassing me." Dr Bannockman smiled, but Jack's smiled disappeared.
Jack couldn't stand Dr Bannockman. Jack described him as 'a very bad pain in the arse'. Jack looked over at his girlfriend, Jennifer Carol. She smiled at Jack and blew him a kiss then turned round. Jack felt his spirit come back. Jennifer had long red hair that went down her back. She had green eyes like cats and her face was as clear and as smooth as Jack's. There wasn't a spot or freckle in sight on Jack's or Jennifer's face.
*
Jack sat on the bus home, plugged into his iPod, listening to Maroon 5. He passed through the town and then went out into the countryside. Jack was the only one sitting on the bus now.
Jack lived in a forest near the town of Crail. He lived in a massive house which was over a hundred years old and had originally been built for the local minister of Crail. It had six massive bedrooms and grand living room with a golden chandelier. The house had a hidden passageway when was in Jack's room and was under his bed. It was a trapdoor that led out to the start of the forest.
Jack got off at the next stop about two miles away from the forest. His mother, Jessica Muldoon, sat in front of the bus stop sitting in a BMW M5. Jack stepped into the passenger seat of the car.
"Hi mum," said Jack.
"Hi Jack," she said. "How was school?"
"Fine. Bannockburg gave me a detention." said Jack with a grim look on his face.
His mother glared at him. "For God's sake, Jack. This is the fourth time in second year you've had a detention. And respect your teachers and don't diss them by calling them names like that. We've already had to go up to the school with a meeting with the Rector." Jack looked away, with a scowl on his face. His mother then sighed. "Jack, I'm getting worried. You used to be a very good boy. You had great results at primary school. Now you're turning into a devil. I want a change from you starting from tomorrow morning. If you don't change by tomorrow morning, there's gonna be consequences. You got it?"
Jack nodded. He turned his head away from his mother and looked out the window. He was feeling about a million different things. He felt extremely angry with his mother, but he felt guilty that he had become a bully.
Jack's mother then released the hand break and put her foot down on the accelerator. She drove down the road, praying to God that her son, who was once her little angel, would change back into an angel.
*
The yellow sun was just rising when Jack woke up the next morning. It was still dark and only some of the sun's rays were lighting up the world. Jack pushed the bed covers away and sat up. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and stood up. He slipped his feet into his slippers and put on his dressing gown. He looked at the time. Six thirty. There was something weird. Jack never woke up at six thirty. He was usually dragged out his bed ten minutes before the bus came. But the other weird thing was that he didn't feel tired.
Jack walked out of his bedroom door and downstairs to the kitchen, where his mother was frying bacon. She was in a pink dressing gown with white slippers. Jessica's mouth was half open. "Em...morning Jack. You're up early. I've not cooked enough bacon. I've only cooked enough for your dad and me. I didn't think you'd be up this early." Jack shook his head. "It doesn't matter. I'll just have Cornflakes." Jack smiled at his mother and sat down at the kitchen table. She smiled back, not knowing what was going on.
Jessica took the frying pan off the cooker and put it on a pot stand. She then went over to the kitchen table and sat across from Jack. "Jack, are you feeling alright?" Jack looked up at her. "I feel fine. I thought about what you said yesterday. I thought I'd surprise you." Jack's mother smiled, shocked.
Jack thought he'd change the subject so his mother wouldn't get emotional. "So, where's Dad?" he asked, thinking off the top his head. His mother pointed at the ceiling. "He's in the shower. Your Dad's got a meeting with the Head of the NHS for Scotland. He's so busy since he became Head of the A&E at Ninewells."
Jack rolled his eyes. "He was always busy anyway. He's probably the most hard-working consultant in this country."
John Muldoon was the Head Consultant of the Accident and Emergency Department at Ninewells Hospital in Dundee. John's sift start at half past seven in the morning and ended at half past eleven at night. John was forty-five years old. He was a tall man with black hair and brown eyes. John wore a long white coat and looked like he needed a shave, but in a stylish way.
Jack stood up and walked over to the cupboard and fetched the Cornflakes. He placed them on the table then poured them into a bowl. He went to the fridge and took the milk. He poured the milk over his Cornflakes. Just as he did that, he felt something inside him fill up his heart up.
(C) Copyright Luke Hutchison 2007-2008 All Rights Reserved
