Hands rising, legs leaping – let me slip into those jazz shoes again. One hop and one skip is all it takes to leap across the universe. If only I were to twirl across the familiar floors, absorbing the music; wrapped inside an abstraction so serene. A fire breaks loose in the depths of my body, it explodes like fireworks. I close my eyes and lose control, and I’m floating in the sky. I’m springing to every cloud, singing every song and symphony. I would float to every corner, feeling every wall and ceiling in which I am trapped. The sun shines and I smile into its comforting ocean of heat. Everything is in arm’s reach when I am dancing, I can touch every star in the sky. The instruments inside the stereo seem to laugh along and share my joy through encouraging tunes. Oh, to dance again and feel so free! My only escape, my only secret treasure - to pirouette, to stag, to arabesque, to jete, to pas de deux, to plie. Moving through time in frolics and frisks, and never allowing the world inside your temple of soul. If only these dancing shoes could carry me to the end of time, instead of the end of just one song.
Brilliant work. I'm a sucker for anything with good description. I would love to read something longer of yours and see if you can keep up this beautiful stuff throughout an entire 1000 words or so. I know it's hard for a lot of writers.
I didn't find anything to nitpick about, but I would warn you about cliche-ness. The fact that this is about dancing and feeling free and floating is cliche in and of itself. There have been many elementary school level poems written about this sort of thing. So there may be some sentences that you can switch up a bit and try to make your own. The "floating in the sky" thing may be one of those things to be changed. I love your ending line. It's great. I also like how you brought in some of the technical ballet terms, but that's just me.
Good luck with this!
GML
"Jump off cliffs and build your wings on the way down." --Ray Bradbury
I really like the way you describe feelings and motion. I agree with GML too---reading something longer written by you would be nice. There's something poetic in here, and it does look very good. Some people try to be poetic and fails (like me), but yours is just the right amount to make me awe, but not feeling tired. You made a wonderful connection of music, motion and words. Great work! Looking forward to read more!
Currently amusing myself by watching the cumulation of bugs in the computer. Now where did they come from?
I would love to read something longer of yours and see if you can keep up this beautiful stuff throughout an entire 1000 words or so. I know it's hard for a lot of writers.
