Freewrite

This is a freewrite I did and I absolutely hate it, so go ahead, tear it apart.... It has no editing, completely raw and untouched.



i dont understand this

why do i have to be so strange
is it me,
is it something ive done?

i want to get out of this life,
just get me out

it consumes me,
my mind and soul
it occupies my every thought, chewing up my mind

i cant get rid of it,
so just get me out of here,
off of this planet

into a place where pain is not longer evident

please, dear god, get me out
or is it satan that will help,

that can deliver me from this already horrific dead?

tell me now,
anyone, someone, please
tell me who can help
me get out

or is it up to me,
a slit,
a swallow, anything

to get me out of here

i dont understand this

why do i have to be so strange
is it me,
is it something ive done?

i want to get out of this life,
just get me out

sry.. I know you know this.. capitalize the 'I'

it consumes me,
my mind and soul
it occupies my every thought, chewing up my mind

This is like you're taking drugs or on a drinking problem

i cant get rid of it,
so just get me out of here,
off of this planet

into a place where pain is not longer evident

please, dear god, get me out
or is it satan that will help,

that can deliver me from this already horrific dead?

tell me now,
anyone, someone, please
tell me who can help
me get out

or is it up to me,
a slit,
a swallow, anything

to get me out of here

The only person who can change and set the first step to make it better is you...

It's not crazy.. Maybe because I talk to you more than others this isn't just a simple poem. But it is something, in a well written way, ppl around your age feels and wants. ( this generation)

Just something to say or should this be in your blog?

in my blog, i wanted help figuring it out and here, i wanted help to make it a poem...

thanks

It's not horrible or anything, just kind of typical. We live in a post-modernistic world, and so this kind of angry, hurt poem is found quite often. Add some creative images, tell us something we haven't heard before. But don't get me wrong, it's not a bad poem. You did a good job, and I know how therapeutic freewrites can be.

This was unsatisfactory for someone looking for uncommon ideas. You pretty much said what every pent-up emotional teenager says in poetry, which is good for you, it's a great release, as Areida said, but for the rest of us...well, we all want what we ain't got. The more absurd we become, the better.

Thanks for the opinions.. I know it is typical, believe me. I will probably end up working on it a bit later.