The Demon

3 posts
User avatar
Gender Male
Points 1057
Reviews 26
So spoke the Demon, mindful of hardships and of cruel slaughters:

Each dawn I rise alone, mind in ancient woes, wretched and deprived of my native land, my mind bound with fetter.
For many years, I lay hidden in the concealment of the earth, buried deep in stone.
From there, I went, object and wintergrieving, over the surface of the waves, seeking the prison of my noble kinsmen.
Sorrow is a cruel companion to one who can afford few friends, and the path of exile attends this mournful spirit.
And so this world, everyday, is crumbling and falling.
The rulers lie dead. Deprived of revelry, bands of warriors lie fallen proudly by the wall.
War destroyed some, carried them away; a sorrowful man hid one deep within a grave.
Thus the creator of man laid waste this dwelling place, until the old world of giants stood vacant, without the vibrance of its inhabitants.

So spoke the Demon, set apart in secret meditations: the kingdom of earth is full of miseries, and the decree of the fates shall not change the course of the heavens.
Last edited by Fael57 on Fri Jun 27, 2008 12:18 am, edited 1 time in total.
"Speak softly and carry a big stick."

Theodore Roosevelt


"It is better to be present with ten men than absent with ten thousand."

Timur the Lame (Tamerlane)


"I know that I know nothing at all."

Aristotle




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 1172
Reviews 112
This poem is very hard to read :S i couldn't make head'nor'tail of it! :S sorry.
It is all down to the structure. Try to sort that out and, i am sure the rest will follow.
From what i can surmise, this poem has a lot of passion written into it. That comes across right away for me - which, is no mean feat when you don't have a structure :P

Good effort, but please try and put it into stanzas.

Good luck.
Kris
x




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 5715
Reviews 206
Whoa...nice. I like it, and it was a good thing that you put it in stanzas. Stanzas keep your work neater, and readers can find your work easy to read.
For me, this sounds like some sort of prologue to a fantasy novel. But overall, it was very nice, and full of great imagery. Good work!

Keep up! :)
Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.



Hi everyone who clicks on my profile!...Um, not quite sure what else to do here. Yup, definitely new at this! XD
— Magebird