This Tear's For You.

Evolmega wrote:
Hi!
This poem has a lot of potential. It's not very soppy, either and you have some really beautiful imagery going on...


I feel this tickle in my stomach
Ticklish, yet soar did you mean sore?
With every growing minute
It hurts my notion’s hearts core.

This is an awkward sentence. It throws the rhythm off. i like the idea, and i understand what youre getting at, but it's a bit awkward. Consider re-wording to something shorter. perhaps something like: make's me feel unsure. It's less creative, but it fits the rhythm. That's the issue with rhyming poetry!


I’ve tossed those drops of tears aside lovely!
Like the dead shells in the sea nice imagery
I’ve kept them locked up long inside
A shadow[s]like[/s], deep[s]ly[/s] inside of me.

i think i know what you were doing - i do it too. I use wierd words because i like the sound, and usually it works, but it doesn't quite fit here


I’ll never forget this distressing day
In which I finally cried

perhaps consider changing to a two syllable word, like truly. Also, surely you've cried about something before then? have a think about it.

Before I used to lock it up
With breaths of an unhanded tearful sigh

not sure what you mean here. Is it a spelling error?

[s]It came very slowly, i think you should scrap this verse. The
Yet it projected very mad rhyming is a little forced and it detracts
It gathered up every sad emotion from the rest of the poem, though i like
That I frequently ever had.[/s] the first line and use of the word
'projected'

It lasted [s]just merely[/s] a mere minute
With the taste of salt in its bid’ i don't understand
I doubt anyone will [s]ever[/s] understand
justWhat that [s]little[/s] small tear did.

It was just one doubtfully fallen [s]ripped[/s] tear good word, but it
doesn't fit
Yet it felt like it was the cry of plenty’ a year
It felt madly like the cry of a child maybe reword
It made me feel dull, yet at the same time wild lovely
It didn’t matter how many tears I dropped
But to me,
This tear never stopped.

I feel this tickle in my stomach
Ticklish, yet soar sore
With every growing minute
It hurts my notion’s hearts core.

I’ll never forget this distressing day
In which I finally cried
Before I used to lock it up
With breaths of an unhanded tearful sigh

It was just one doubtfully fallen ripped tear
Yet it felt like it was the cry of plenty’ a year
It felt madly like the cry of a child
It made me feel dull, yet at the same time wild
It didn’t matter how many tears I dropped
But to me,
This tear never stopped.

I feel this tickle in my stomach
Ticklish, yet soar
With every growing minute
It hurts my notion’s hearts core.

I’ve tossed those drops of tears aside
Like the dead shells in the sea
I’ve kept them locked up long inside
Shadowlike, deeply inside of me

Before I used to lock it up
With breaths of an unhanded tearful sigh