Together?

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Points 890
Reviews 13
Hands are clasped
His taste still resting on her lips
A smile in her eyes
Thankful for that stolen kiss

Leaning up against his chest
Stroking fingers through her hair
Closes her eyes in disbelief
That they are really there

He holds her softly
Warmth bonding them together
He tenses slightly
When she whispers, “forever”

Noticing his change of heart
She starts to pull away
“I love you, dear. I’m sorry.”
That is all that he can say

He left her sitting there
Broken and in tears
Wondering how she could have let him
Fulfill all her worst fears

And as he leaves her side
She cries out his name
He cannot turn around
It would cause him too much pain

Why does it hurt him?
Because he really loves her.
But he has to leave her
Cause a commitment to another

He will not forget her
She keeps him up at night
And she still has the dreams
Of when things just felt so right

And so they lie in bed
With someone else beside them
But in their dreams they are together
A firm hand to rely on

Its killing him
How could he leave her?
She hates herself
For being the believer

Maybe one day
The truth will be spoken
Maybe one day
She won’t feel so broken

Or maybe it will never end
And they will live forever
Wishing they could have each other
Wishing they’re together




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 115
Oooh. This is so nice in the beggining, then it gets sad. I think I cried. I didn't think that anything sounded cliche, which is good. The flow was even and soothing. Your topic, is, so amazing, that almost everyone can relate to it. It's so sad! The ending was very strong and I liked it. The beggining drew me in, so that's very well written. The description was amazing. Can't wait to see more.
-WFL-
No where to run...baby let's hide. Take her in your arms on a chilling winter's night. Watch the stars twinkle and glisten. Know that you've found the one person that will listen. ~*(ME)*~




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Gender Male
Points 890
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Whoa :O. I liked this alot, very well written, easy to picture =o. But yeah, It is sad :shock:




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 128
You create a lovely image here, but I would encourage you, just as an exerciese, to rewrite it without the rhythm and rhyme. Why, you ask? I feel very strongly that those two Rs are holding you back. You change the picture to fit the schemes and it ends up falling completely flat because of it. There is a lot of potential here, I'd hate to see it squished because you feel the need to rhyme. A lovely piece in its own right though. Keep on writing.
Sing lustily and with a good courage. Beware of singing as if you were half dead, or half asleep; but lift up your voice with strength.



I'm also not sure why but even though I normally wear cool tones I have a feeling red would have been my color in the 1860s.
— Elinor