Dust to Dust.

Charliebo · 2008-06-22T11:26:40Z

If, in some deep, unthought of place, The dead could congregate with grace, They'd shuffle, wartorn, timid, bold, All breathless in the dusty cold, Of every race, creed and kin, Whatever the shade of their frozen skin, Regardless of their spoken tongue And whether they died old or young, Once, by labels, they were bound... but now, could they find a common ground? Although they may not all have met, Each heart is full of fond regret, Their bodies drained of lively heat And every heart has ceased to beat. Each face, bloodied, muddied or clean, Is riddled with the same pale sheen. Would they watch us all, alive? Thrive or struggle to survive, Each unnecessary breath, (silenced soon enough by Death)? Watch us, judge us, dull and clever And gossip of their own endeavour? I wonder, would they lightly chatter Of drug research, machine gun clatter, Love, life and slow demise, A light now faded from their eyes, Pets and wives, a wedding day... For as they all have passed away They may just speak the same tongue now. Two soldiers might shake hands, somehow. Perhaps they're equal in that cold, damp must Like ashes to ashes, and dust to dust. i don't know if we're allowed to repost edited work... this one is from ages ago, but it's still one of my favourites, and i've made changes that i'm very please with! Please read and enjoy...

EvieSaxGirl

Gender

Points 890

Reviews 1

Fri Sep 12, 2008 8:14 pm

EvieSaxGirl says... · Fri Sep 12, 2008 8:14 pm

As others have said before me, this is very readable, and mostly flows effotlessly.

The topic is a great idea, and you've chosen exactly the right words to express this.

I do agree though with the comments on the second to last line - but everything else is awesome!

Keep up the amazing work.

Evie

Quote

Jannie

Gender

Points 890

Reviews 5

Sat Sep 13, 2008 2:45 am

Jannie says... · Sat Sep 13, 2008 2:45 am

Last Line Was PERFECT.
Liked the little rhyming thing.

It never hurts anybody to be told that they are loved.
To say to somebody, "I Love You"...
It may not change a thing, but it's nice to know.

strawberry flushed cheeks of the candy queen

Quote

DreamyMoon

Gender

Points 890

Reviews 10

Sat Sep 13, 2008 7:44 pm

DreamyMoon says... · Sat Sep 13, 2008 7:44 pm

Well personally i thought that was amazing
I think the perspective you are putting on death as it not being a final end and instead a bringing perhaps of people together is really interesting.
And expressing this through poetry, rhyme and rhythm really emphasizes the message in a unique way.

Love it =]

Why ruin a present happiness by a distant misery that may never even come at all?

Quote

loveisthekey2010

Gender

Points 890

Reviews 2

Wed Sep 17, 2008 12:12 am

loveisthekey2010 says... · Wed Sep 17, 2008 12:12 am

wow this is fabulous!! I don't know how you thougth up all the words and got them to flow just perfectly!!! Its quite fabulous in my opinion.......

I especially enjoyed the word usage in this piece and you created a scene i could clearly see!!!!

Great Job its Fabulous if i haven't said that enough!!!!!!!

Quote

About / Info

Forums & RPG

Literary

Resources