I Spy

3 posts
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Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 61
I Spy

You want to play a game?
I spy fresh morning dew,
that glistens in the radiant sun.
The moisture on the grass
sparkles like a moonlight oasis.
I spy silence.

You want me to go on?
I spy the multicolored ring
you ran under glacial hopes.
It turned black as the night sky.
You don’t need convalescence.
I spy a liar.

And again? Well then…
I spy tall, towering cotton,
its airiness like morning breath.
Black seeds scatter the harvest,
like thieves pillage a community.
I spy corruption.

Once more? Last time though.
I spy a very precocious child,
a child with poor morals.
I see an abused puppy,
with fear in its eyes.
I spy you.
"If you love something, give it away"
~ Conor Oberst




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Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 48
I love the message you're trying to convey, It's wonderful.

You just need to work on your flow.
It seemed a bit choppy, which kind of detracted from the overall mesage.

Other than that, I love the imagery you create.
In that first stanza, I could practically taste dew drops on my tongue.

Bravo.

4 out of 5 stars.
"Don't worry about my sanity, dear. After all, it's pointless to worry about something that's nonexistent."

-Nolan Logan




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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 115
I agree with full force with Nolan.

Your piece had something that I haven't seen in a while, good, really good, description.

You are extremely talented and I will look for your work in the future.

*Gives gold star*
No where to run...baby let's hide. Take her in your arms on a chilling winter's night. Watch the stars twinkle and glisten. Know that you've found the one person that will listen. ~*(ME)*~



If you don't know it's impossible it's easier to do. And because nobody's done it before, they haven't made up rules to stop anyone doing that again, yet.
— Neil Gaiman