I Spy

3 posts
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Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 61
I Spy

You want to play a game?
I spy fresh morning dew,
that glistens in the radiant sun.
The moisture on the grass
sparkles like a moonlight oasis.
I spy silence.

You want me to go on?
I spy the multicolored ring
you ran under glacial hopes.
It turned black as the night sky.
You don’t need convalescence.
I spy a liar.

And again? Well then…
I spy tall, towering cotton,
its airiness like morning breath.
Black seeds scatter the harvest,
like thieves pillage a community.
I spy corruption.

Once more? Last time though.
I spy a very precocious child,
a child with poor morals.
I see an abused puppy,
with fear in its eyes.
I spy you.
"If you love something, give it away"
~ Conor Oberst




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 48
I love the message you're trying to convey, It's wonderful.

You just need to work on your flow.
It seemed a bit choppy, which kind of detracted from the overall mesage.

Other than that, I love the imagery you create.
In that first stanza, I could practically taste dew drops on my tongue.

Bravo.

4 out of 5 stars.
"Don't worry about my sanity, dear. After all, it's pointless to worry about something that's nonexistent."

-Nolan Logan




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Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 115
I agree with full force with Nolan.

Your piece had something that I haven't seen in a while, good, really good, description.

You are extremely talented and I will look for your work in the future.

*Gives gold star*
No where to run...baby let's hide. Take her in your arms on a chilling winter's night. Watch the stars twinkle and glisten. Know that you've found the one person that will listen. ~*(ME)*~



Russets and tangerine shades of old gold flushing the very outside edge of the senses ... deep shining ochres, burnt umber and parchments of baked earth—reflecting on itself and through itself, filtering the light.
— Guildenstern (Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead by Tom Stoppard)