Vertigo

This is going to be interesting. For now, I'm just posting the first part--the prologue-- but afterwards, I'll post the next chapters and such in this thread.
Here goes.

Vertigo

Prologue

The wind whispered throughout Maculae, Australia. It sent a soft relief over thousands upon thousands of sweltering foreheads. The heat was overwhelming, and it incapacitated many of even the strongest Aussies. It was days, if not hours or minutes, before the world went completely into vertigo. The Vertigo Freohr had been expected for at least three years, now.
The heat was increasing by unnatural increments every day, and a queer, relentless, golden mist clung to every topographical surface.
Among the least concerned inhabitants of Earth was an Australian man, and his wife. There names were Jasper and Kendra Nolus. Just having given birth to their third child, Noelle, a year past, the Noluses were looking forward to having their fourth, a baby boy. With the child due in a matter of hours, things were not looking too great, and their children were aware of this. Eight year-old Harper and Guinevere, who was only four, were extremely keen of the mind, and they, too, knew that their world was about to leave normalcy behind all together.
However, Kendra Nolus had better things to worry about, such as the matured fetus that was now ready to come out of her uterus. As hospital room was scarce these days, and none that presided in Maculae were experienced in delivering babies, the Noluses' trusted midwife was to assist Kendra in delivering the baby.
Deena, for that was the midwife's name, hovered over Kendra. The delivery was in progress.
The neighbors all nodded knowingly as they listened to the pained shouts of Kendra Nolus. That is, until they felt that life-changing, history-altering, earth-shattering shake, and their world was turned, quite literally, upside-down.
From this whole mess, though, something good did come, for on that fateful day, a small, bright-eyed infant was born. They called him Vertigo Nolus.



I'll post the first chapter soon! I'm almost finished with it.
Tell me how you feel about this so far....

Well, its certainly interesting. But there isn't very much to comment on, so I'll with-hold judgement until I've read further. It was written fairly well; there were some comma splices but no real error worth mentioning.

So, until then, keep writing.

Hey, LilyReagan!

XD I love your description in the little sub-title thing. It looks like it's going to be quite great--this bit was really short, so I'll hold my judgment for the first chapter. I'm usually a bit wary of prologues, so make sure you really, really need this before you spend too much time with it.

SPEAKEST THOU IN TONGUES?

keen of the mind

for that was the midwife's name

Unless you're writing in the first-person perspective of a person from, say, the eighteenth century, you're going to want to keep the ye olde speak to a minimum. Why? It throws off your reader. You use modern syntax for most of the story, and then suddenly switch to something much more archaic. Unless you've got a pretty good reason for it (e.g., I'm writing for my captors, and if I don't keep those phrases in there they'll deny me my dinner), I'd take them out.

Thanks for the read! PM me if you have any questions and/or you have the first chapter up. ^_^

Ooh! Nice beginning. Nothing much more to say than that for me other than a question or two. ^_^

1. Is normalcy a real word?

Hmm... I guess it just was one question! What are you writing this in, by the way? First person? Third? I wouldn't be that suprised if it turned out to be second person. The names were very intersting. ^_^ That's one of the main things that draws me into a story. If I like the names, I'll keep on reading to find out the plot. But if the names are one used often, the story will start to bore me, even it was a good plot.

I'm hoping that I'll get to read chapter one of this! You've got me hooked now.

Normalcy is a real word, for the person who said that, haha. It was made up by some American President but it caught on. So feel free to use it.

I do like the writing of this far... the only thing I can say is that the one sentence:

However, Kendra Nolus had better things to worry about, such as the matured fetus that was now ready to come out of her uterus

This is sort of an awkward sentence. I think you can find a better way to phrase this that isn't so blunt, unless that is exactly what you're going for

*takes deep breath*

So.... As clograbby said, normalcy is a real word.

Now that that's out of the way....

The archaic speak: Sorry, I'm writing a novel on an Elizabethian Queen, too, so I get urges to put that stuff in there.

POV: For now, it's going to be in third, but I'm considering first, as well. If it is in first, it'll be from either Vertigo's or Katrina's point of view. (You'll meet Kat later!)

Awkward sentence: That was a mistake. See, my friend is obsessed with the concept of fetuses, so she forced me under knifeblade (it was one of the knives from Playmate kitchen sets) to edit that sentence for her, but I neglected to change it back. Oops.

Um, I also noticed some grammatical errors on my own, so I'll be adding the edited version of this along with the first chapter.

I'm not even halfway done with the first chapter, so be patient. It'll be less than a week.

I only caught one thing:

There names were Jasper and Kendra Nolus.

It should be “Their” instead of “There”

Otherwise, very interesting!

I will keep my eye out for more!