The Mother of My Father

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The Mother of My Father


The mother of my father was always a good listener...

There’s a whisper in this wind.
I can sometimes hear the sweet memories of the past.
I can still hear your laughter in this room.
But I know that it’s only memories.
Because you’re gone…


The mother of my father was always a good observer

There’s an image on the mountain.
I can sometimes see you when I look in the mirror.
I inherited your glasses and I can still see you looking through them.
But I know that it’s only memories.
Because you’re gone…


The mother of my father was always a good cook

There’s a scent in the forest.
I can sometimes smell your perfume after a long rain.
I can still smell your perfectly made breakfast when I wake.
But I know that it’s only memories…
Because you’re gone…

But whispers now turn to the sound of birds, flapping their mighty wings.
I listened like you always did.
You loved birds.
I remember that.

The image on the mountain reflects the sunset, encompassing beauty no man could duplicate.
I watched like you always did.
You loved sunsets.
I remember that.

The scent of the forests, give way to gentle fragrance of flowers.
I savored the scent like you always did.
You loved flowers.
I remember that.

And it is in this moment that I realize,
My memories count for something.
It’s my memories that allow me to see,
That you never left me.

The mother of my father IS my guardian angel.

You once told me that we never truly leave the things we love..
You said that when we died, we lived within all the things we ever loved.
You loved me.
I remember that.
Hey unfaithful, I will teach you to be stronger.
Hey ungraceful, I will teach you to forgive one another.
Hey unloving... I will love you.

~Underoath - Some Will Seek Forgiveness, Other's Escape.




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Hey I really liked it! I think the way your words flow is beautiful and a lot of your phrases feel very powerful. I star'd ya :)
As is a tale, so is life; not how long it is, but how good it is.




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wow :)!!! that was really beautiful! If you know anyone that is into music i would definitely make it into a song!!! :idea: :idea: :idea: That was also really deep, it must be about YOUR grandmother or someone right? if not then you are really good at ... whats the word... embelishing :D :D :D :D




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Eyes of Eden wrote:The Mother of My Father

The mother of my father IS my guardian angel.

You once told me that we never truly leave the things we love..
You said that when we died, we lived within all the things we ever loved.
You loved me.
I remember that.


those lines touched me the most. i really like this poem. the emotion in it is beautiful. it has something in it that draws you in.




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Wow.

The ending was real powerful, it left shivers going down my spine. That was simply, wow! It evoked so much emotion, I could feel the heartbreak and the longing, but then in the end there was love and hope, and I just loved that.

One thing I would suggest. With these lines:

But I know that it’s only memories.


I would leave out 'that'. I think it's a bit too wordy, and I think the flow is actually better without 'that' being there.

I can still smell your perfectly made breakfast when I wake.


Meh, 'perfectly made' is so weak. Even something as generic as 'home-cooked' would have been stronger here because it has that mood. That grandma-home-cooked meal vibe. Anyways, I suggest finding a better replacement for that.


But I know that it’s only memories


Okay this is just a question, there may or may not be anything wrong with this, but why are there elipses in this line, but not in the others before it? Was that intentional? And if so, why? And if not, I would just leave it as a period.


[s]But[/s] whispers now turn to the sound of birds, flapping their mighty wings.


I would leave out the 'but' and this is merely a suggestion but instead of 'now turn to' how about just 'become'? Whispers now become the sound of birds...

Anyways, really good job with this. Overall, it was a touching, beautiful poem that captures the emotion of losing a loved one perfectly. The way you set it up too, you provided us brief images to help evoke these universal feelings and then as time passes, narrator is no longer mourning but cherishing those beautiful memories. I just really enjoyed this. Please, keep writing.

~ Audrey




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Wow, that was very deep, and well thought. I beleive Audy summed up everything I was wondering, except:

I remember that.


I personally would have just written "I remember" or "I'll remember". It's not bad or anything at all, but the word "that" peeves me off a lot.

Great job, meow!
-Buggs
Writing: My Anti-Drug




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I loved it. I thought it was excellent, and it is a wonderful way to capture the feelings of losing a loved one. Its absolutely great. Very powerful
The things that I knew, I now see, that I don't.
The world is not the place I thought it was.




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Wow, I loved the way this was put together. I thought it was original. I do agree with Audy though about 'that' out of "But I know that it’s only memories." It was still very powerful. Great job! Keep it up.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will direct your paths. "
Proverbs 3, 5-6



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