It had been a long time since Zyferous had seen light. Years infact. But now, as he stood atop the Greenwhich Hill, Jade Emblem clasped in his long, wirey hands, light came to him. When Zyferous had last reached these heights, his hair had been black as the raven who sat almighty on his withered shoulder, his bones had been strong, his mind cunning. Now as he stood, his shadow reflected him as a man, an old man, his long, glistening beard hinted with only clues of sepia, his hair, which fingered his shoulders, was thinning. His cape worn. Laughing, the old man raised his head over the tiny coves and villages which made up the four connecting towns of Larden, Potter, Sphinx and Darwen. "They think they, the all mighty once have taken me down and fed me as the past memory. But let me tell you, the almighty have fallen." Zyferous's cape blew in an easterly wind, a deep, howling wind which swept up the think beige waters of the Darwen lakes and led black clouds against the sun.
Last edited by xocsunx on Sun Jun 05, 2005 11:25 am, edited 2 times in total.
Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard are sweeter. Therefore, ye soft pipes play on.
-John Keats
Aside from a few grammatic errors, this was good. You tell a good deal about the character without any details. He is very well described. If this was a preface or prologue, I'd be hooked. Just check out for sentance structure. It could be better.
As always, I release the right for all my criticism to be held worthless at author's discreation, though!
I think this is one of those cases where you really would benefit from, rather than having a prologue, putting all this into the first chapter. Expand it just a tad, and go right from there.
Please, sit down before you fall down.
Belloq, "Raiders of the Lost Ark"
i like that the title of dr jekyll and mr hyde makes a clear stance that the embodiment of one’s own evil doesn’t get a claim to the doctorate — waywardxwallflower
