"I am a person too"

I often help out at special needs schools. Giving drama lessons, to help the children build up their confidence.
This poem, is inspired from what i have learnt while working there.

~~~~
A transcript was taken,
from a young boy called Nathan,
who had a neural deformation.

He took no delay,
in trying to relay.
An important message indeed.

"I...........
Am.........
A............
Person....
Too........"

Now what part of that?
Is hard to understand?

I'm not sure what to make of this. I mean what's the direction you're trying to go? I understand the message. But, what's the point?

This is a poem that badly needed to be written. I applaud you for taking up the challenge. Now for the tough stuff, the part where I tell you what could be better or what seemed a bit off to me. I think it needs to be more of a freeze-frame sort of moment. You might want to lay around with showing us his facial expression or his body language. How did his voice sound when he spoke those words? Strangled? Purposeful and driven? right now it's sort of just there. Work on making it jump off the page a bit.

But like I said, there's not enough out there about disabled people or other not-much-thought-about minorities. Thank you for a fine poem.

ok. i like the message that you wrote about in this poem and though i think that it is a good poem. i would have cared more if you had told me more about the boy.this has the potential to make me want to go out and do something about it, but it didnt quite get there. though everytime i read it over i like it a bit more. this poem is sweet.

You seem to stamp out these poems while putting little thought into them. You left nothing for us to think about, you just told us everything. A big part of poetry is leaving an impact on the reader, and by telling us every aspect of this boy you give us a small impact. This small impact only being made by the last two lines, which were simple yet powerful.

My other qualm was the complete lack of imagery, and I thought you were so focused on that rhyme in the middle of the poem you just forgot about imagery altogether. You need to think these things through.

Whenever I visit one of your poem threads, there is always an introduction. Never, never write an introduction to your work. Shouldn't your work speak for itself?

Hope this helps.

I might just be stupid, but i didn't really understand it. What was the poem about, where's the feeling the emotion?!?! i'm sorry but i did not like this poem. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but the poem does need a lot of work

sorry again ^-^

WOW! That was really beautiful! Some people said that the poem needed more emotion or detail, but that's all it needs. You should keep it the way it is and not change a thing. I'm so glad that there are people out there that really care. Keep on helping and if you see Nathan again give him a high-five for me.

Well, I understood your poem though it was weird for me to go like this:

After reading the poem - "I don't understand"

After reading the reviews downwards - "I understood your poem but what's the point?"

While writing this review and recalling the poem and a few reviews - "Got your point and your poem was really great!!"

Hehe

Simple but effective. I liked it! But if you're going to use dots at the end of a line, make it three. Having more makes it look very amateurish. But still, overall it was very good.

Simple and effective. You got the point across in an interesting way; it was good to read.
x

Ok. I know exactly what you are talking about. I have been working with Special needs children and adults since I was about 13 or 14. And I love the idea for the poem, and it is simple and it does work. But I almost want-- no, I do wish you could expand it more. I don't know. Maybe it works the way it is. But it doesn't work to well for me. It feels like something is missing. I don't know... I'll let you know if I think of it. But good work and good vision!

Your message is great, and their is no denying that. Good job on writing a meaningful message.

As for your poem, it is good for what it is. It is a short poem with a purpose.



I think you should write a new poem that is longer with several stanzas with the same meaning. That me be a bit more effective.

i agree with all of the other people in that it had a really good message and i will remember it for a long time. i really have nothing to critique here, all i have to say it great job!

gold star

---Jon---

A good buddy of mine works with special ed kids, and he has generally the same message.

As others have said, there were other ways you could have written this. On the other hand, I think the way in which you have written it is supreme and straight to the point. Good job.