My Writing's No Good

My Writing’s No Good

My doubtful mind is a dry well.
There is no fresh rain at all.
The bank of ideas is spent,
And all resources are lost.

My once bright eye has lost its spark.
The fiery drive is gone.
I’ve tried to revive my pen,
But it died with mental block.

My compositions are a jumbled mess.
They lack a steady rhythm.
The rhymes are odd and forced,
And description isn’t there.

My amateur work is a failed mine.
Just masses of plain rock,
And no gold nuggets at all.
I can’t dig anymore.

My supplies have all been eaten.
I cannot tame this beast.
This beast called satisfaction
Is eating me inside.

My piece of paper is white and blank,
But the ashtray is full.
I’ve lost all inspiration.
My writing’s no good.

Heya Ringo- man, you seem to churn out these poems like they're going out of fashion I love it. So, onto this? Well I really did like it very much. However one thing to be careful about here is the fact that why did I love it? Because it spoke to me. And why did it speak to me? Because I am a writer, that's what. We need to be careful here and consider what a non-writer would think reading this poem. And believe me, there's a lot of non-writers (ghastly creatures, I know) who read poetry. So onto how we could make it a bit better.

Firstly, punctuation of a looser kind is needed in the first stanza to slowly lure the reader in instead of yanking them by the scruff of the neck with sharp sentences.

Hence:

My doubtful mind is a dry well,

there is no fresh rain at all.

The bank of ideas is spent

and all resources are lost.

I've added a comma and taken away one- also, capitalization to begin each new line if it's not after a full stop is not needed. It's rather unsightly and we want to make this as easy on the eye as possible.

My once bright eye has lost its spark.

The fiery drive is gone.

I’ve tried to revive my pen,

But it died with mental block.

Now- here we have committed the cardinal sin of telling rather than showing. We need some kind of jazz added her. I would even suggest personifying the mental block into an object-for example, this crazy idea has just dropped into my head- why not change the pen into a flying bird- right, bear with me, and then represent the mental block as a hunter's bullet, striking it down? Just an idea....

My compositions are a jumbled mess.

They lack a steady rhythm.

The rhymes are odd and forced,

And description isn’t there.

Now-you're a poet, right? Improvise and play around with this stanza. Use irony. Your work lacks rhythm? Give this bit rhythm. Your rhymes are odd and forced? Cut the last line about description and put in a fantastic rhyme. The reader won't know what hit them.

My piece of paper is white and blank,

But the ashtray is full.

I’ve lost all inspiration.

My writing’s no good.

Haha- a smoking reference here young man? I liked it anyway. But still, give us more little bits like that- and make the ending stronger. Come out with a smart remark about other great writers, or something to that effect. Or is it affect? Well, while I'm finding that out-

Happy editing!

Eimear xx

I hope you don't really think that way. Your writing's very good.

My doubtful mind is a dry well.

What a good way to start a poem! At least I became interested in the very beginning.

My once bright eye has lost its spark.

The fiery drive is gone.

Good, good. Good.

My compositions are a jumbled mess.

They lack a steady rhythm.

The rhymes are odd and forced,

And description isn’t there.

I love the suggestions Eimear made for this part! Try them, they will work.


I love the self-irony of yours. And not only in this poem. I hope to see you around.


Demeter xx

I agree with Eimear, I really liked this poem, but I think it was mostly because it appealed to me as a writer. I think that you should make it slightly more rhythmic and use a little more imagery. Also, the last line is kind of bothering me a bit.
"My writing’s no good."
I just feel like it's one of those things like 'do you get it now?' Your poem really speaks well for itself and I feel like this line is a little redundant. You could replace it or just take it out completely. Either way, I liked the poem, nice job,

Kind of depressing if you think about it. I can solely relate to this. In class I would sit and stare at a white piece of paper for half the class and not have any idea what to do.
If I can relate to this, It's obviously of my liking. You did an Ok job with it, but I stil lthink it could use a little work. Fantastic none the less. Great Job.
~S-I-C