A little story about Global Warming.

A little story about global warming

An old Bing Crosby record warbles in the heavy air, the sweaty Christmassy lyrics hanging and oozing like treacle hanging off of a spoon. The roaring fire shoots bullets of flame through the chimney, licking through the wood simmering below, which glows like the fairy lights on the tree opposite. An old man dozes in the corner on a worn armchair, his fusty stomach creaking the springs and sending them sagging towards the floor, which is decorated with various colours of wrapping paper and bows. A blizzard whips around the isolated house, whistling and howling in the swirling maelstrom. The man is oblivious, snoring, sending wisps of white hair on his upper lip to rise and fall, like waves in the sea. It’s Christmas Eve. He’s late.
Thousands of miles away, children snuggle up to their stockings in expectation – the proposition of presents keeping them awake until their clocks read 12:00. They pretend to sleep, knowing that Santa won’t come unless they are asleep. Sleigh bells ring, footsteps on the ceiling, the neighing of reindeer, nothing is audible tonight. Silence. Eerily so. The world is spinning on its axis, but it’s teetering, tottering, much like the children in their beds, delirious with excitement.
It’s early next morning. Kids; energized, scream themselves awake. They run downstairs, adrenaline pumping through their veins. Expectation is high. Parents wake up, bleary-eyed, and follow. They’re the first to hear the screams. They speed up and pace the final steps of their staircase. They look into the living room to see their children staring at a blank space, where their presents should be. Not only that, but the decorations, tree and all, are gone. It’s just a blank wall – of despair. Everything is gone. The children slowly turn their heads to their parents, and their eyes brim with tears.
Their sadness is echoed through the world, through children and adults alike. Christmas is cancelled this year. Forever.
Santa’s tired of giving all and getting nothing back. The world’s stopped; it’s Armageddon.
The Four Horsemen send their greetings.

the sweaty Christmassy lyrics hanging and oozing like treacle hanging off of a spoon.

Hanging and hanging.

A blizzard whips around the isolated house, whistling and howling in the swirling maelstrom.

I would add "of wind" after "maelstrom."

The world is spinning on its axis, but it’s teetering, tottering, much like the children in their beds, delirious with excitement.

I like this line.

Kids; energized, scream themselves awake.

I would take out the semi colon.

They run downstairs, adrenaline pumping through their veins.

Kind of cliche.

It’s just a blank wall – of despair.

Take out the dash.

The Four Horsemen send their greetings.

I like this ending; I might change it to connect it to the Christmas season. Something bitter and fake-cheerful. Like "The Four Horsemen wish a Merry Christmas to all." Or something. Just an idea though.

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You shouldn't have had to tell us that it was about global warming. Yet you had to. It was the end of the world, obviously. But I had no idea that global warming caused it--the fact that there was still cold on Earth (in the form of a blizzard) confused me.

You do have wonderful descriptions though. You just need to clarify and fix up the main points. I like most of your sentences. I especially loved how you didn't outright tell us that it was Santa CLaus being described in the first paragraph.

Hey, sday1607!

The modern-day "fairytale" thing was kind of an interesting take on a world issue. However, I'll launch right into the advice bit, because I think you're a good writer and I want to see some more stuff out of you.

THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS

The problem with writing politically charged or highly modernized stories is that people are bound to take issue with your content. Here, your message is obvious: GLOBAL WARMING IS BAD. IT WILL END THE WORLD AND MAKE CHILDREN CRY. THE END. Because the references are explicit, from the get-go you're going to get people raising their hands and going, "Wait a minute. I don't think global warming is real," or, "Is it really that bad?". Of course, if your answers are, "Haha, loser" and "Why, yes, my dear", then you're going to want to be more sneaky about putting your moral into your story.

The secret: you want to make sure that there's nothing in your story for your readers to disagree with. It's why people write fiction instead of non-fiction--they can do whatever they want, and no one can disagree. Harry Potter would be a really terrible reading experience if you were also a student at Hogwarts and could go, "Uh, no, that's not what the password to to the Slytherin commons was". This is why, for years, the writers of stories with morals have set them in fantastic settings or with fantastic characters. Because really, nothing says "don't accept candy from strangers" llke having German twins get eaten by witches in the middle of the forest. If you started off with "don't accept candy from strangers", you'd get an army of kids with, 'What if it's good candy? What if you're pretty sure you've seen this person before? What if they said they owed you candy'?

Thus, bury your message. If you got it, this is one instance where you don't flaunt it.

HOW [INSERT YOUR NAME HERE] STOLE CHRISTMAS

Additionally, if you're going to pick something as a setting, don't pick Christmas. Christmas just makes things funny.

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See you around sday1607. ^_~ PM me if you have any questions.