Bubbling, chapter 7

"So lovely to see ya again!" Misty shrieks as she and JK rush upstairs. "I love your top! You have new lip gloss? Love it."
I reward her with a smile, pretending to be enthusiastic. Misty behaves like I've just got back from a long trip and brought lots of new things with me, though the top was bought two years ago and the lip balm's been used every day since the school started last autumn. And although Misty and JK are my best friends, they really tire me at the moment.
"We just met your second cousin", JK informs.
"And you were so right", Misty fusses. "Like, what a jerk."
JK sniggers. "'Are you trying to be some J.K. Rowling?'"
I mimic interested facial expressions. I don't even want them to be here, but Misty invited herself and dragged JK along, too.
The truth is... I have absolutely no idea of what's happening to me. First Cinnamon makes my mind go upside down with all the Little Prince philosophy nonsense and now even my best friends start to annoy me. Well – maybe "annoy" is a little too strong expression. I bet that's what Cinnamon would say. "'Annoy' is too strong expression, Satin. It would be better to say 'Now isn't the best time for my friends to be here.'"
Aha!
"Um", I begin. Misty's eyes make a little dog-like twinkle when I finally permit myself to say something. I didn't understand that I was being some sort of superior to Misty and JK. Oh, how stupid. Friends should not be of different castes and there should not be any leader, which, unfortunately, Misty seems to think I am.
"Um, I think this isn't the best time for you to be here", I mumble, swallowing the last words.
"Oh, but it's alright", Misty assures me. "Really, it doesn't matter that you're not wearin' any make-up, right, JK?"
Why haven't I seen how smart Misty is before? It's so nice to have that intelligent friends. Then again... friends?
JK shakes her dark head and puts her hand into the pocket of her hoodie. Something rustles and her face brightens.
"Oh yeah, we found this", she says and hands me a little wrinkled note.

"Gone out. C."

Shucks. Well, it's good that Cinnamon's not here with Misty and JK sneering at her, but she doesn't even know how to move around in a city! It's a wonder she knows what a car looks like.
What if something's happened to her?
Misty grins. "The little cowgirl left out to the big city."
JK glances at her. "The little cowgirl crosses the road with "Don't walk" and doesn't understand why everyone else is staying still."
Misty giggles and goes on: "The little cowgirl gets hit by a car."
To that they laugh as much as then when they first saw our classmate Aniseed Ferry's hairdo.
"NO!"
Their laughter comes to a dead end. Misty glares at me.
"What's wrong with you, S? We thought you, like, hated her."
I hate you, I feel like shouting. But Cinnamon's voice echoes inside my head. "Hate is too strong expression, hate is too strong expression..."
Cinnamon. I have to go after her. I know that Misty and JK are only joking – very nastily, indeed – but they may be right. Oh Cinnamon, what if your first day in the city turned out to be your last one?
I see now that I'm actually starting to like her. Only now when I may be losing her.
Okay, I'm probably overreacting. The fact she left out doesn't mean she'll get killed. But I've been so confused today, I won't get surprised by anything anymore.
Has Cinnamon really been here only for a day? Was it just today when I first met her? Or was it yesterday? Or a week ago?
I jump up and make the two girls startle.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm going to find her."
Misty rolls her eyes. That's not a nice sight, I assure you. "Who? The cowgirl?"
I'm already dashing downstairs.
"Let's go", Misty grunts. They jump up and follow me.
"Where did she go?" I inquire at the gate. "To the park or down the Latitude Lane? Tell me!"
Again, Misty's eyes are rolling. Boy, she really can do that. "I'm not interested in goin' after some insane fodder brain."
"Damn it, tell me!"
"We don't know!" JK cries out. "She was sitting on the rock when we left, I swear!"
I glare at Misty. "If you roll your eyes one more time..."
"Okay, okay", she says quickly, popping a big pink bubble gum ball. "If I was her – ew, what a thought! – I'd go to the park." She shrugs. "It's only a hunch, but well..."
I turn to the right and start jogging. Misty and JK keep up, surprisingly, because Misty's wearing a mini skirt and JK isn't exactly an Olympics runner, either.
After passing a kiosk, a playground and several lampposts, we come to the traffic lights. Cinnamon's not there... but she isn't lying on the road, either.
Luckily, the park isn't very large. I can already slow down after not seeing Cinnamon dead on the zebra crossing.
Oh, thank God. There's a girl who's wearing black and white sitting on the bench.
I approach her, Misty and JK following. Cinnamon smiles and stands up.
"Hi, Satin. I see you brought your friends, too."
A boy sitting on the same bench notices me and nods. "Hey, Satin."
When Misty hears the familiar voice, she looks up from her fingernails and goes fuchsia.
"Milton, what the heck are you doin' here?"
Then she looks at Cinnamon, who's standing next to the boy. Misty's blush darkens even and she almost attacks her.
"What are you tryin', slut, steal away my boyfriend? Don't touch him or I'll kill ya!" Misty rends Cinnamon's hair and screams. "Of course, in your backward countryside there isn't anythin' else to do than to steal people's boyfriends! I bet you specialize in that, bitch!"
I tear furious Misty from Cinnamon.
Milton doesn't seem too guilty. "Let's clear up a few things, miss Mauves", he says like our headmistress, Mrs Michaels. "First of all, it was me who sat next to her after she'd been sitting here for at least ten minutes. Secondly, where have you got that boyfriend thing from? I didn't know I was seeing anyone. I just wonder how many people you've claimed that to."
"Besides", I attack Misty for Cinnamon, "who called me yesterday to go to Carambar to check out some super cute guy?"
Misty looks still enraged. "Doesn't matter! All that does is the fact you Chevrolets suck!"
"Well, I'm a Yarrow", Cinnamon protests. "And you can't really say that –"
"Whatever", Misty spits out. "I don't care."
Also known as Misty-language for "okay, you won, and I can't make up anything clever to say anymore, but I can't admit that even to myself, so I'll just start a fight".
Cinnamon raises her eyebrows. Misty cries out and turns away.
"Come on, JK, let's leave those jerks alone."
JK follows Misty, sighing.
"Come on, Cinnamon. Let's go home." We leave Milton behind. He sits down on the bench like a comet had just hit him. He probably thinks of us as total idiots. And he isn't exactly wrong about that.

It was an okay story. Here's some things that caught my eye:

I found this in a lot of your sentences.

We just met your second cousin", JK informs.

The comma goes BEFORE the quatation marks.

Shucks.

Doesn't seem like something a teen would say.

Other than those two things, I saw nothing else wrong with it.

"How lovely to see ya again!" Misty shrieks as she and JK rush upstairs. "I love your top! You have new lip gloss? Love it." This is all a little cheesy. We know what girls can be like but can you present them in a more modern and original light?

I reward her with a smile(Over describing) pretending to be enthusiastic. Misty behaves like I've just got back from a long trip and brought lots of new things with me, though the top was bought two years ago and the lip balm's been used every day since the school started last autumn. And although Misty and JK are my best friends, they really tire me at the moment.

"We just met your second cousin", JK informs. (Just use 'said' here)

"And you were so right", Misty fusses. "Like, what a jerk." (Again, 'jerk' sounds off. Do girls call each other jerks? I think we all know a better word that girls use to describe each other)

JK sniggers. New line for speech if you don't start with it "'Are you trying to be some J.K. Rowling?'"

I mimic interested facial expressions. That's good I don't even want them to be here, but Misty invited herself and dragged JK along, too.

The truth is... I have absolutely no idea of what's happening to me. First Cinnamon makes my mind go upside down with all the Little Prince philosophy nonsense and now even my best friends start to annoy me. Well – maybe "annoy" is a little too strong expression. I bet that's what Cinnamon would say. "'Annoy' is too strong expression, Satin. It would be better to say 'Now isn't the best time for my friends to be here.'"

Aha!

"Um", I begin. Misty's eyes make a little dog-like twinkle when I finally permit myself to say something. I didn't understand that I was being some sort of superior to Misty and JK. Oh, how stupid. Friends should not be of different castes and there should not be any leader, which, unfortunately, Misty seems to think I am.

"Um, I think this isn't the best time for you to be here", I mumble, swallowing the last words.

"Oh, but it's alright", Misty assures me. "Really, it doesn't matter that you're not wearin' any make-up, right, JK?"

Why haven't I seen how smart Misty is before? It's so nice to have that intelligent friends. Then again... friends?

JK shakes her dark head and puts her hand into the pocket of her hoodie. Something rustles and her face brightens.

"Oh yeah, we found this", she says and hands me a little wrinkled note.

"Gone out. C."

Shucks.(?) Well, it's good that Cinnamon's not here with Misty and JK sneering at her, but she doesn't even know how to move around in a city! It's a wonder she knows what a car looks like.

What if something's happened to her?

Misty grins. "The little cowgirl left out to the big city." I think you're focusing too much on the 'cowgirl' aspect of C.

JK glances at her. "The little cowgirl crosses the road with "Don't walk" and doesn't understand why everyone else is staying still."

Misty giggles and goes on: "The little cowgirl gets hit by a car."

To that they laugh as much as then when they first saw our classmate Aniseed Ferry's hairdo.

"NO!"

Their laughter comes to a dead end. Misty glares at me.

"What's wrong with ya? We thought ya hated her." 'ya' is too artificial.

I hate you, I feel like shouting. But Cinnamon's voice echoes inside my head. "Hate is too strong expression, hate is too strong expression..."

Cinnamon. I must go after her.A bit wooden. 'I have to go after her' would be better I know that Misty and JK are only joking – very nastily, indeed – but they may be right. Oh Cinnamon, what if your first day in the city turned out to be your last one?

I see now that I'm actually starting to like her. Only now when I may be losing her.

Okay, I'm probably overreacting. The fact she left out doesn't mean she'll get killed. But I've been so confused today, I won't get surprised by anything anymore.

Has Cinnamon really been here only for a day? Was it just today when I first met her? Or was it yesterday? Or a week ago?

I jump up and make the two girls startle.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to find her."

Misty rolls her eyes. That's not a nice sight, I assure you. "Who? The cowgirl?"

I'm already dashing downstairs.

"Let's go", Misty grunts. They jump up and follow me.

"Where did she go?" I inquire at the gate. "To the park or down the Latitude Lane? Tell me!"

Again, Misty's eyes are rolling. Boy, she really can do that. "I'm not interested in goin' after some insane fodder brain."

"Damn it, tell me!"

"We don't know!" JK cries out. "She was sitting on the rock when we left, I swear!"

I glare at Misty. "If you roll your eyes one more time..."

"Okay, okay", she says quickly, popping a big pink bubble gum ball. "If I was her – ew, what a thought! – I'd go to the park." She shrugs. "It's only a hunch, but well..."

I turn to the right and start jogging. Misty and JK keep up, surprisingly, because Misty's wearing a mini skirt and JK isn't exactly an Olympics runner, either.

After passing a kiosk, a playground and several lampposts, we come to the traffic lights. Cinnamon's not there... but she isn't lying on the road, either.(That's good, she's really over-reacting. Funny bit)

Luckily, the park isn't very large. I can already slow down after not seeing Cinnamon dead on the zebra crossing.

Oh, thank God. There's a girl who's wearing black and white sitting on the bench.

I approach her, Misty and JK following. Cinnamon smiles and stands up.

"Hi, Satin. I see you brought your friends, too."

A boy sitting on the same bench notices me and nods. "Hey, Satin."

When Misty hears the familiar voice, she looks up from her fingernails and goes fuchsia.

"Milton, what the heck are ya doin' here?"

Then she looks at Cinnamon, who's standing next to the boy. Misty's blush darkens even and she almost attacks her.

"What are ya tryin', slut, steal away my BF? Don't touch him or I'll kill ya!" (Ok,whoa. Girls, especially hyper angry girls where I come from don't talk like that. BF? Boyfriend would read better)Misty rends Cinnamon's hair and screams. "Of course, in your backward countryside there isn't anythin' else to do than to steal people's boyfriends! I bet you specialize in that, bitch!"

I tear furious Misty from Cinnamon.

Milton doesn't seem too guilty. "Let's clear up a few things, miss Mauves", he says like our headmistress, Mrs Michaels. "First of all, it was me who sat next to her after she'd been sitting here for at least ten minutes. Secondly, where have you got that boyfriend thing from? I didn't know I was seeing anyone. I just wonder how many people you've claimed that to."

"Besides", I attack Misty for Cinnamon, "who called me yesterday to go to Carambar to check out some super cute guy?"

Misty looks still enraged. "Doesn't matter! All that does is the fact you Chevrolets suck!"

"Well, I'm a Yarrow", Cinnamon protests. "And you can't really say that –"

"Whatever", Misty spits out. "I don't care."

Also known as Misty-language for "okay, you won, and I can't make up anything clever to say anymore, but I can't admit that even to myself, so I'll just start a fight".

Cinnamon raises her eyebrows. Misty cries out and turns away.

"Come on, JK, let's leave those jerks alone."

JK follows Misty, sighing.

"Come on, Cinnamon. Let's go home." We leave Milton behind. He sits down on the bench like a comet had just hit him. He probably thinks of us as total idiots. And he isn't exactly wrong about that.

Ok, D! Well after that truly brutal nit-pick I have to say I'm really getting into this! There's definitely stuff happening, anyway! One thing I have to stress to you is your dialogue. It's very stilted and in some places highly unbelievable. Good dialogue is hard to come by, but it's the essence of every story. I would suggest listening to conversations with a notepad and pen, and trying to make your sentences have more energy. By energy I mean exclamation marks (although not serious over-use) pauses, commas, even inconsistent grammar because no one talks perfect. And remember, everyone has a unique way of talking. These people are Australians, right? I'm not really getting the accent.

Anyway, I hope this helps and PM me when there's more!

Eimear

Sorry for the long absence, but here I am, back again

Exams over - whoohoo!

Ok, no more spaming, on with the crit

Demeter wrote: "So lovely to see ya again!" Misty shrieks as she and JK rush upstairs. "I love your top! You have new lip gloss? Love it."

I reward her with a smile, pretending to be enthusiastic. Misty behaves like I've just got back Returned from a long trip and brought lots of new things with me, though the top was bought two years ago and the lip balm's been used every day since the school started last autumn. And although Misty and JK are my best friends, they really tire me at the moment. Suggest why, maybe?

"We just met your second cousin", JK informs.

"And you were so right", Misty fusses. "Like, what a jerk."

JK sniggers. "'Are you trying to be some J.K. Rowling?'" Um... huh?

I mimic interested facial expressions. I don't even want them to be here, but Misty invited herself and dragged JK along, too.

The truth is... I have absolutely no idea of what's happening to me. First Cinnamon makes my mind go upside down with all the Little Prince philosophy nonsense and now even my best friends start to annoy me. Well – maybe "annoy" is a little too strong expression. I bet that's what Cinnamon would say. "'Annoy' is too strong expression, Satin. It would be better to say 'Now isn't the best time for my friends to be here.'"

Aha!

"Um", I begin. Misty's eyes make a little dog-like twinkle when I finally permit myself to say something. I didn't understand that I was being some sort of superior to Misty and JK. Oh, how stupid. Friends should not be of different castes and there should not be any leader, which, unfortunately, Misty seems to think I am.

"Um, I think this isn't the best time for you to be here", I mumble, swallowing the last words.

"Oh, but it's alright", Misty assures me. "Really, it doesn't matter that you're not wearin' any make-up, right, JK?"

Why haven't I seen how smart Misty is before? It's so nice to have that intelligent friends. Then again... friends? further character development needed - plus, I assume you're being sarcastic here, but I'm note sure. Don't confuse me in this way.

JK shakes her dark head and puts her hand into the pocket of her hoodie. Something rustles and her face brightens.

"Oh yeah, we found this", she says and hands me a little wrinkled note.


"Gone out. C."


Shucks. Well, it's good that Cinnamon's not here with "what with" Misty and JK sneering at her, but she doesn't even know how to move around in a city! It's a wonder she knows what a car looks like.

What if something's happened to her?

Misty grins. "The little cowgirl left out to the big city."

JK glances at her. "The little cowgirl crosses the road with "Don't walk" and doesn't understand why everyone else is staying still."

Misty giggles and goes on: "The little cowgirl gets hit by a car."

To that they laugh as much as then when they first saw our classmate Aniseed Ferry's hairdo.

"NO!"

Their laughter comes to a dead end. Misty glares at me.

"What's wrong with you, S? We thought you, like, hated her."

I hate you, I feel like shouting. But Cinnamon's voice echoes inside my head. "Hate is too strong expression, hate is too strong expression..."

Cinnamon. I have to go after her. I know that Misty and JK are only joking – very nastily, indeed – but they may be right. Oh Cinnamon, what if your first day in the city turned out to be your last one?

I see now that I'm actually starting to like her. Only now when I may be losing her.

Okay, I'm probably overreacting. The fact she left out doesn't mean she'll get killed. But I've been so confused today, I won't get surprised by anything anymore. Going a bit dramatic here, don't you think? Considering nothing much at all actually happened yet.

Has Cinnamon really been here only for a day? Was it just today when I first met her? Or was it yesterday? Or a week ago?

I jump up and make the two girls startle.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going to find her."

Misty rolls her eyes. That's not a nice sight, I assure you. "Who? The cowgirl?"

I'm already dashing downstairs.

"Let's go", Misty grunts. They jump up and follow me.

"Where did she go?" I inquire at the gate. "To the park or down the Latitude Lane? Tell me!"

Again, Misty's eyes are rolling. Boy, she really can do that. "I'm not interested in goin' after some insane fodder brain."

"Damn it, tell me!"

"We don't know!" JK cries out. "She was sitting on the rock when we left, I swear!"

I glare at Misty. "If you roll your eyes one more time..."

"Okay, okay", she says quickly, popping a big pink bubble gum ball. "If I was her – ew, what a thought! – I'd go to the park." She shrugs. "It's only a hunch, but well..."

I turn to the right and start jogging. Misty and JK keep up, surprisingly, because Misty's wearing a mini skirt and JK isn't exactly an Olympics runner, either.

After passing a kiosk, a playground and several lampposts, we come to the traffic lights. Cinnamon's not there... but she isn't lying on the road, either.

Luckily, the park isn't very large. I can already slow down after not seeing Cinnamon dead on the zebra crossing.

Oh, thank God. There's a girl who's wearing black and white sitting on the bench.

I approach her, Misty and JK following. Cinnamon smiles and stands up.

"Hi, Satin. I see you brought your friends, too."

A boy sitting on the same bench notices me and nods. "Hey, Satin."

When Misty hears the familiar voice, she looks up from her fingernails and goes fuchsia.

"Milton, what the heck are you doin' here?"

Then she looks at Cinnamon, who's standing next to the boy. Misty's blush darkens even and she almost attacks her.

"What are you tryin', slut, steal away my boyfriend? Don't touch him or I'll kill ya!" Misty rends Cinnamon's hair and screams. "Of course, in your backward countryside there isn't anythin' else to do than to steal people's boyfriends! I bet you specialize in that, bitch!" Very unconvincing. Character development! Even from Satin's POV - tell me what misty looks like, what Satin assumes is going through her mind, why she frekaed out so suddenly, Cinnamon's reaction etc.

I tear furious Misty from Cinnamon.

Milton doesn't seem too guilty. "Let's clear up a few things, miss Mauves", he says like our headmistress, Mrs Michaels. "First of all, it was me who sat next to her after she'd been sitting here for at least ten minutes. Secondly, where have you got that boyfriend thing from? I didn't know I was seeing anyone. I just wonder how many people you've claimed reconsider word choice, claim is awkward that to."

"Besides", I attack Misty for Cinnamon, "who called me yesterday to go to Carambar to check out some super cute guy?"

Misty looks still enraged. "Doesn't matter! All that does is the fact you Chevrolets suck!"

"Well, I'm a Yarrow", Cinnamon protests. "And you can't really say that –"

"Whatever", Misty spits out. "I don't care."

Also known as Misty-language for "okay, you won, and I can't make up anything clever to say anymore, but I can't admit that even to myself, so I'll just start a fight".

Cinnamon raises her eyebrows. Misty cries out and turns away.

"Come on, JK, let's leave those jerks alone."

JK follows Misty, sighing.

"Come on, Cinnamon. Let's go home." We leave Milton behind. He sits down on the bench like a comet had just hit him. He probably thinks of us as total idiots. And he isn't exactly wrong about that. This last sentence like

You definately need to work on character developemnt. You give me the character's thoughts better now, biut you still don't explain them, don't link them together into a personality. They're just... thoughts.

Make them into thoughts that define your character.

Demeter-
Zebra Crossing. I would have never thought. Nice. Misty freaking out was kind of scary, and what's with Milton? I do like to see where you're going with this. I'm gonna go read 8 now...
-Merry

Review 7. Let me know if you want a line-by-line critique, not a giant quote.

Demeter wrote:"So lovely to see ya again!" Misty shrieks as she and JK rush upstairs. "I love your top! You have new lip gloss? Love it."
I reward her with a smile, pretending to be enthusiastic. Misty behaves like I've just got back from a long trip and brought lots of new things with me, though the top was bought two years ago and the lip [s]balm's[/s] gloss has been used every day since the school started last autumn. And although Misty and JK are my best friends, they really tire me at the moment.
"We just met your second cousin", JK informs.
"And you were so right", Misty fusses. "Like, what a jerk." Fusses doesn't feel quite right.
JK sniggers. "'Are you trying to be some J.K. Rowling?'" "Sniggers" isn't a word. Try "snickers" or "sneers."
I mimic interested facial expressions. I don't even want them to be here, but Misty invited herself and dragged JK along, too.
The truth is... I have absolutely no idea of what's happening to me. First Cinnamon makes my mind go upside down with all the Little Prince philosophy What is "Little Prince philosophy"? nonsense and now even my best friends start to annoy me. Well – maybe "annoy" is a little too strong expression. I bet that's what Cinnamon would say. "'Annoy' is too strong expression, Satin. It would be better to say 'Now isn't the best time for my friends to be here.'" The second line in that dialogue doesn't sound like Cinnamon. It sounds like Satin.
Aha!
"Um", I begin. Misty's eyes make a little dog-like twinkle when I finally permit myself to say something. I didn't understand that I was being some sort of superior to Misty and JK. Oh, how stupid. Friends should not be of different castes and there should not be any leader, which, unfortunately, Misty seems to think I am. A Cinnamon-y line here, but not as bad as Satin's last viewpoint.
"Um, I think this isn't the best time for you to be here", I mumble, swallowing the last words.
"Oh, but it's alright", Misty assures me. "Really, it doesn't matter that you're not wearin' any make-up, right, JK?"
Why haven't I seen how smart Misty is before? It's so nice to have that intelligent friends. Then again... friends? Umm, I don't find Misty smart.
JK shakes her dark head and puts her hand into the pocket of her hoodie. Something rustles and her face brightens.
"Oh yeah, we found this", she says and hands me a little wrinkled note.

"Gone out. C."

Shucks. Well, it's good that Cinnamon's not here with Misty and JK sneering at her, but she doesn't even know how to move around in a city! It's a wonder she knows what a car looks like.
What if something's happened to her?
Misty grins. "The little cowgirl left out to the big city."
JK glances at her. "The little cowgirl crosses the road with "Don't walk" and doesn't understand why everyone else is staying still."
Misty giggles and goes on: "The little cowgirl gets hit by a car."
To that they laugh as much as then when they first saw our classmate Aniseed Ferry's hairdo. Describe the hairdo. It makes imagining the laugh easier. Even a simple word like "disastrous" would do.
"NO!"
Their laughter comes to a dead end. Misty glares at me.
"What's wrong with you, S? We thought you, like, hated her."
I hate you, I feel like shouting. But Cinnamon's voice echoes inside my head. "Hate is too strong an expression, hate is too strong an expression..."
Cinnamon. I have to go after her. I know that Misty and JK are only joking – very nastily, indeed – but they may be right. Oh Cinnamon, what if your first day in the city turned out to be your last one? That last line makes the whole paragraph hardly believable.
I see now that I'm actually starting to like her. Only now when I may be losing her.
Okay, I'm probably overreacting. The fact she left out where? Perhaps "alone" is a better word. doesn't mean she'll get killed. But I've been so confused today, I won't get surprised by anything anymore.
Has Cinnamon really been here only for a day? Was it just today when I first met her? Or was it yesterday? Or a week ago?
I jump up and make the two girls startle.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm going to find her."
Misty rolls her eyes. That's not a nice sight, I assure you. "Who? The cowgirl?"
I'm already dashing downstairs.
"Let's go", Misty grunts. They jump up and follow me. Your comma is outside your quote there...
"Where did she go?" I inquire at the gate. "To the park or down the Latitude Lane? Tell me!"
Again, Misty's eyes are rolling. Boy, she really can do that. "I'm not interested in goin' after some insane fodder brain." The slang is really heavy in that. What's a "fodder"?
"Damn it, tell me!"
"We don't know!" JK cries out. "She was sitting on the rock when we left, I swear!"
I glare at Misty. "If you roll your eyes one more time..."
"Okay, okay", she says quickly, popping a big pink bubble gum ball. "If I was her – ew, what a thought! – I'd go to the park." She shrugs. "It's only a hunch, but well..."
I turn to the right and start jogging. Misty and JK keep up, surprisingly, because Misty's wearing a mini skirt and JK isn't exactly an Olympics runner, either. Period after "surprisingly," drop the "because."
After passing a kiosk, a playground and several lampposts, we come to the traffic lights. Cinnamon's not there... but she isn't lying on the road, either.
Luckily, the park isn't very large. I can already slow down after not seeing Cinnamon dead on the zebra crossing.
Oh, thank God. There's a girl who's wearing black and white sitting on the bench.
I approach her, Misty and JK following. Cinnamon smiles and stands up.
"Hi, Satin. I see you brought your friends, too."
A boy sitting on the same bench notices me and nods. "Hey, Satin."
When Misty hears the familiar voice, she looks up from her fingernails and goes fuchsia.
"Milton, what the heck are you doin' here?"
Then she looks at Cinnamon, who's standing next to the boy. Misty's blush darkens even and she almost attacks her.
"What are you tryin', slut, steal away my boyfriend? Don't touch him or I'll kill ya!" Misty rends "Rends?" Explain please. Cinnamon's hair and screams. "Of course, in your backward countryside there isn't anythin' else to do than to steal people's boyfriends! I bet you specialize in that, bitch!"
I tear a furious Misty from Cinnamon.
Milton doesn't seem too guilty. "Let's clear up a few things, miss Mauves", he says like our headmistress, Mrs Michaels. Mrs. Michaels isn't needed. The headmistress reference is enough! (Helariously so, I might add) "First of all, it was me who sat next to her after she'd been sitting here for at least ten minutes. Secondly, where have you got that boyfriend thing from? I didn't know I was seeing anyone. I just wonder how many people you've claimed that to."
"Besides", I attack Misty for Cinnamon, That tag is a little awkward. "who called me yesterday to go to Carambar to check out some super cute guy?"
Misty looks still enraged. "Doesn't matter! All that does is the fact you Chevrolets suck!"
"Well, I'm a Yarrow", Cinnamon protests. "And you can't really say that –" If a person gets cut off near the end of a sentence, I tend to put the cut off point inside the last word, like so: tha--"
"Whatever", Misty spits out. "I don't care."
Also known as Misty-language for "okay, you won, and I can't make up anything clever to say anymore, but I can't admit that even to myself, so I'll just start a fight".
Cinnamon raises her eyebrows. Misty cries out and turns away.
"Come on, JK, let's leave those jerks alone."
JK follows Misty, sighing.
"Come on, Cinnamon. Let's go home." We leave Milton behind. He sits down on the bench like a comet had just hit him. He probably thinks of us as total idiots. And he isn't exactly wrong about that.

Back on track, for sure. The change in Satin is much more believable now, not because we've seen how much she's confused, but because the change isn't as sharp.

I just have to say something more on Misty's language. It's so heavy on alterations and slang it can get hard to read. And, it gives the impression she's a stereotypical airhead from an American big city.

Great to see this hilarious and well written piece back on track.