The Lark

7 posts
Random avatar
Gender None specified
Points 890
Reviews 18
The lark

The pale day fades and leaves the world to the unseen.
Light shatters on the lucent fern and ancient silver bark,
to a thousand opalescent pieces, mourned by a lone lark,
singing her domain to sleep from a throne of glossy green.

The time that left its mark on me has left her song pristine.
Her voice was heard in ancient time to greet the mellow moon
in selfsame rhyme and cadence fair that fills this eve in June,
and travels through the dark verdure akin a brimming stream.

The tune of star-lit gloaming - like the silver rain of spring-,
trickles through the velvet beams -the soft sun’s last caress-,
and dances through the sacred groves, adorned with twilight’s dress,
like a dead day’s recollection, carried on a lustrous wing.

The last light of the day is gone and night’s blue veil descends;
The lark kisses the world good-night and so her fair song ends
on a trembling silver note that like a raindrop in the sea,
fades into the balmy night and finds its way to me.
To find freedom in the most unlikeliest of places: at the bottom of an inkwell, on the tip of a quill.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 27
Great job I must say on the rhyming pattern. Rhyming is kind of difficult but you did it and it makes sense which means you didn't force it.

There isn't much to say about it because their is nothing wrong with this it is great.

If you need me pm me anytime and I will get back to you.

See you Around GordonRamsayLuver
I'm the type of girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence about something that happened yesterday.

Your the reason why I download hate Icons!




Random avatar
Gender Male
Points 1823
Reviews 665
I love this! It's amazingly written, you really capture the beauty in such a small thing. I was awe struck at wording and beauty you put into the world. You're metaphors and personification were wonderful. I can't say anything more, nothing struck me as being terrible. It's just, WOW.

Overall: Nothing, this earns a star, but wowwy... god that poem was immense!

Good luck
VSN
We get off to the rhythm of the trigger and destruction. Fallujah to New Orleans with impunity to kill. We are the hidden fist of the free market.
We are the ink, we are the quill.
[The Ink And The Quill (Be Afraid) - Anti-Flag]




Random avatar
Gender None specified
Points 890
Reviews 2
This is a beautiful poem. The rhyming seems effortless and the whole piece flows without any bumps.

I especially like the last stanza:

'The last light of the day is gone and night’s blue veil descends;
The lark kisses the world good-night and so her fair song ends
on a trembling silver note that like a raindrop in the sea,
fades into the balmy night and finds its way to me.'

You have my first star.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 61
The words you chose were very exquisite and rich, and the rhyming was well done as well. The rhyme scheme you chose was reminiscent of an Italian sonnet. A,B,B,A. (Abba, catchy, eh?). I simply wonder why you fell off the rhyme scheme and went to A,A,B,B on the last stanza.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 2374
Reviews 118
in self-same rhyme and cadence fair that fills this eve in June,

It is quite beautiful and flows with out bumps as already said. That's all I can say about this. :lol:

-Amber
We've all been broken in some way. It's just how we express it that makes us dffrent form eachother.

“This precious book of love, this unbound lover,
To beautify him only lacks a cover.”
~William Shakespeare, The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1075
Reviews 344
Hey Mayfyre, how's it going for you? You seem to be adapting well to YWS life. I really enjoy it when I see you've posted another poem. The first time I saw this one- it was on the featured pieces page! Good going, my friend!

I'm jumping on the same bandwagon as the other reviewers, I just adored this piece. That sounds wierd- but I loved it. I even had one of those moments, (the seal of approval in my opinion) like when you say to yourself 'I wish I''d wrote that'. Depressing for oneself- but not for you my friend.

This ryhme scheme is also my favourite, which as a matter of randomness, I seldom use. I don't quite now why though. All I know is you made the right choice using it here.

The first stanza's great:

The pale day fades and leaves the world to the unseen.

Light shatters on the lucent fern and ancient silver bark,

to a thousand opalescent pieces, mourned by a lone lark,

singing her domain to sleep from a throne of glossy green.


Is it just me or is there are space between 'fades and leaves'? No biggy though. Just something I noticed.


Scrumptcious imagery. Lovely. The lark is so...English countryside or something. I don't know. It just sort of reminds me of reading a poem in English class and loving it like the nerd I am whilst my friends are asleep- or looking like they are.

The gathering momentum of the poem I think is what makes it so exquisite. You really went to town in S3. Some great concepts are raised here:

The tune of star-lit gloaming - like the silver rain of spring-,

trickles through the velvet beams -the soft sun’s last caress-,

and dances through the sacred groves, adorned with twilight’s dress,

like a dead day’s recollection, carried on a lustrous wing.


I've highlighted the bits that made me stop, visualize and think. Superb. I use that word a lot (I really have a terrible vocabulary- shhh) but superb is what it is. Nice.

Anyway great poem, great ending, great potential.

Eimear
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

Oscar Wilde.



Yewis superiority!
— Several authors from the auspicious site.