Fred Weasley Eulogy

Fred Weasley

Part of a whole
That's forever a half.

Part of a family
Torn by woes.

Part of an Order
Always in peril.

Part of a secret
Eternally kept.

Part of a love
Hidden by scorn.

Part of a joke
Never to be laughed at.

Part of a battle
Never forgotten

Part of a silence
Present evermore.

I loved it, to start with. I'm not going to quote-edit it, because there aren't enough edits to make.

A few little things: In stanza six, your rhythm wasn't very good at all. At least say "Not to be laughed at."

Also, you need a period in stanza seven.

In the final stanza, I would change "Present evermore" to "Here evermore." The first has one too many syllables.

I liked the first three stanzas a lot, but four was easily the best.

8.2/10

Keep writing!

Teh Wozzinator

I enjoyed this piece. (J.K. better pray some of us don't knock on her door.)

I liked the meaning behind this poem, but for a contest I don't think I'd be first place material (but hey if it was then I guess I'm wrong!)

But something annoying about the poem was that... Two lines, one sentence, each a stanza.

I think that if it's a eulogy you want to dish out as much as you can about said person.
And the format, capitalization at every start of the line, didn't really work out with this type of poem. Perhaps if it had been longer, the lines had been longer, capitalizing would have been something you could have gotten away with.

I do like it, it's one of the first things I've read. Fred does, however, deserve a bit more than this, don't you think?

Let Fred inspire you, and maybe you can extend the poem later.

Good for you.
I'd give you a 7/10 for format *Since Teh Wozzinator is grading you*
But 10/10 for originality (because I haven't seen something like this before (about Fred) and I usually don't read "Fan-fictiony" stuff anyway.))

---Elizabeth

Interesting poem. I like the idea of it, and the meaning.

One thing, however, is the rhythm. Some parts, (especially the words “Never to be laughed at.”) just don’t sound right to me.

Also, alot of it sounds sounds out of place to me, because it doesn’t really have to do with the story, and it’s just there to make the poem sound more emotional.

Part of a secret
Eternally kept.

Is a little too “dramatic” for me.

Anyway, this is a very nice poem. Keep on writing.
-Y

This is lovely. I love your use of couplets. I'd suggest splitting the last couplet into two isolated lines; I think this would be very effective as it mirrors the tragedy of the poem. I think;
"Part of a joke

Never to be laughed at."

is a little jerky. Try reading the poem out loud so that you can get a better sense of its sound. I'd omit this couplet as it's disrupting the flow, or else try to find a way of saying "never to be laughed at" in five syllables. Maybe; "Which won't get a laugh/which won't meet with laughs" or something like that.

Hope this helps.

Jas